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Relationships

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Original poster

Dp told me to spend Xmas alone

137 replies

Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:13

Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart.
I'm not the greatest fan of Xmas anymore as I don't have any family left and my mum died near Xmas. No kids, he has 3 adult kids.

This row started about a month ago when he told me he was only buying a box of chocolates for me for Xmas as he's already spent too much on me. Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal.

A few things - his bills are about half mine and this year he has been gifted at least 80k by his elderly parents.
At the same time, he has told me exactly how much he is spending on his family - 1k, half of that on his spoilt daughter. Now I know that what he spends on his family is not my business but I just feel so unimportant and that I have had my nose rubbed in it.

Whilst all this arguing was going on I was dealing with a worrying health issue (thankfully resolved) but all the stress has caused a bad flare up of IBS again. He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

Today he started having a go at me saying my tone on the phone wasn't friendly enough (wtf?) and I was always whinging. I admit I've had a shit month with car repair bills, worrying about my health etc but this is petty. He has now told me I'm not going to ruin his Xmas so he'll see me after the holidays. AIBU to think he's behaving like a dick?

OP posts:

Fernticket · 20/12/2024 18:35

Dump the prick

Ebeneser · 20/12/2024 18:37

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2024 15:11

Sounds like a classic case of him wanting to end the relationship, not having the guts to do it, so pushing you until you do it.

So give him exactly what he wants for Xmas, singledom.

Exactly this.

5128gap · 20/12/2024 18:38

You don't sound like you even like each other any more. He is using (lack of) Christmas gifts as a passive aggressive weapon against you, which suggests a level of resentment and contempt. You (understandably) don't like how he behaves, so I'm sure can't be that fond of him either. Why not put this half dead relationship out of its misery before you both end up hating each other?

Cooriedoon · 20/12/2024 18:39

Sounds like an awful relationship to the outside. Why are you with him? He sounds like he actively dislikes you.

Enough4me · 20/12/2024 18:40

It's over, don't deny it, welcome the grief of what could have been alongside the joy of not being openly unappreciated anymore!
Treat yourself, it doesn't have to be super expensive, just do some things to look ahead. I found painting rooms helped when my ex left. Getting some stuff from IKEA. Planning trips to places.

GingersOwner26 · 20/12/2024 18:42

Tell him to jog on and have a better Christmas without him.

pinkyredrose · 20/12/2024 18:44

Dump this miserable bastard.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/12/2024 18:45

You could do a lot better by the sound of it. He’s treating you terribly and I agree with others saying he may be trying to break up with you but not want to be the instigator.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2024 18:46

I have absolutely no idea how being with someone who makes you feel like this is better than being single.

And, if to you it is, then what you need to work on is enjoying being single. Find the value in the peace, freedom and lack of negativity.

Then you don't have to waste energy on losers like this.

MildredSauce · 20/12/2024 18:46

@Fatfreefatball you both sound like you've tapped out. No love, respect or kindness evident from either side.

I guess you'll see him after Christmas, and take it from there?

notacooldad · 20/12/2024 18:46

I'm not sure why you are calling him a DP. He clearly isn't.
As others have said, my impression is that he wants out of the relationship but hasn't got the balls to end it.
Personally I would accept its over. I would also not contact him and see what happens next. ( this would be for my own amusement to be honest)

TwistedWonder · 20/12/2024 18:50

Hwi · 20/12/2024 17:21

I usually bristle at the usual prompt suggestions on MN - 'dump him', 'time to break up', ' you deserve better', even if people do not know if the poster actually deserves better or worse. etc. but I did not even read your post to the end - I came to 'he told me he has already spent too much money on me' and felt disgusted, on your behalf. It is absolutely disgusting to say that, it is best not to spend anything on a person and not say anything, but if a loved one says it - he is the lowest of the low. Truly awful. Worse than an affair, to me at least.

The standard MN response that makes me roll my eyes is ‘dump him and find someone else’ - like the answer to getting out of a shit relationship is to rush into another one. Or they actually being without a man is unthinkable

unmemorableusername · 20/12/2024 18:50

That's not a partner.

Petrasings · 20/12/2024 18:51

If he loved you there is no way he would leave you on your own at Christmas op. You deserve to be cherished and cared for.

Dontwearmysocks · 20/12/2024 19:03

Why are you still with this prick?

Choccyaddict4eva · 20/12/2024 19:05

Please dump him

Enterthedragonqueen · 20/12/2024 19:13

End the relationship, change the locks and leave his belongings in a suitcase/bin bag at his doorstep.

RogueFemale · 20/12/2024 19:14

Dump him. Nothing in your post even slightly suggests there is any benefit to staying with him.

Pluvia · 20/12/2024 19:16

I don't think what you've described constitutes a long-term committed relationship, OP. Time to go solo and find someone nicer.

Angiemum24 · 20/12/2024 19:17

Get out.

MumChp · 20/12/2024 19:18

I woukd be happy to and go on from there on my own!

Wonderi · 20/12/2024 19:20

I have to say that I’m leaning towards his side.

Your relationship seems quite money grabbing and I think it’s really rude of you to judge how much he so spends of his own money on his own child.

If my bf was annoyed about me spending money on my child at Xmas then I’d see it as a red flag.

I would also see it as a other massive red flag if my bf was annoyed that I was spending Xmas with my child.

You do also seem to moan a lot.
I appreciate this is a thread for you to vent and perhaps you’re not like that in RL but it does come across as very moany and I’m not sure I could deal with that on Xmas day.

I’ve not read the other replies but I’m sure you’ll have lots of support and lots of posters saying he’s wrong and you’re right as that always happens on MN but if the sexes were reversed then the replies would be the opposite.

This relationship doesn’t work and I’m not sure why either of you are wasting your time on it.
You’re not tied together through kids, a home or finances so it’s time to just give it up.

Serene135 · 20/12/2024 19:38

How long have you been together OP and are you married? I’m just wondering how easy it will be for you to extract yourself from the relationship. It does sound like it’s run its course unless you are just going through a short rocky patch? If I truly loved and cared about someone I would not tell them to spend Xmas alone. It’s unkind. Why can’t you go with him for Xmas dinner as a couple?

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 20/12/2024 19:40

But he spends Christmas with his Daughter and you are invited every year?

Why would he go away or out to dinner with you instead of spending it with his kids?

Why don't you want to have dinner with his family?

BlanklyMyDear · 20/12/2024 19:44

It is impossible to see why you are in a ‘relationship’ with this man, @Fatfreefatball. It can’t be for his money because he resents spending any on you. I can’t imagine a man still moaning, at Christmas, about what he gave you for your birthday in March. And you put up with it?

Has it not occurred to you that your self respect is worth more than this?

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