Cheating help - do I tell her again?

[Mamaofone20232023]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, we talk everyday, see eachother sporadically and he’s told me he’s single, turns out, I don’t think he is?
my friend messaged his girlfriend on Facebook ( profile picture with them together) and said I think your boyfriends cheating, she then deleted her Facebook.

He still swears he’s single and that it’s over between them two but they’re still living together.. he’s still seeing me on a regular basis, we message everyday but his texts die down after work and on weekends - I believe they’re still together, do I let her know again that he’s still cheating?

If he was single:

• You would get messages in the evening and at weekends
• You would spend with him in the evening and at weekends
• You would have been invited to his house - when she is home
• He would have asked her to clarify to you that they are just house sharing and put any niggling doubts to rest

None of that has happened and you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to work out why. I’m sorry but the answer is staring you in the face. Don’t fuck up her Christmas by trying to contact her - she’s already had a warning shot across the bow, she can do with that information what she will - no doubt he is lying to her too. Cut your losses and head into the new year as a single woman.

This has you are the side bit written all over it.

It sounds like you’re wanting one of them to hold your hand through this and tell you definitively that he’s involved with both of you but nobody in this scenario is going to do that. Because he is lying, probably about more than you even realise, and she has no responsibility for you. You have to realise for yourself that it all stinks and extricate yourself.

stay away from guys who are still living with their “ex”. Don’t go out with someone who won’t invite you to their house, doesn’t want you to meet family/friends or spend the holidays with you. All bad signs op.

You would not be committing any offence by contacting her with a polite request for information, but she is not obliged to provide that information and she might ask you not to contact her again.

A man who loves you and wants to be with you doesn’t hide you away like a grubby little secret from his friends and family. If he’s doing that it’s because he doesn’t want them to know you exist - because you are just that, his grubby little secret.

Lets say he isnt cheating.... (which unfortunately for you I think he is)

1. Do you want to be with someone who is uncontactable evenings and weekends? This action shows you he can only care about you at certain times of day....
2. Do you want to be with someone who has declared how much you mean to them - lovebombing - but hasnt even mentioned Christmas holidays and how you might spend time together at a time of year people spend it with people they care about.
3. Do you want to be with someone who is living with their Ex. Of course this can happen through no fault of their own and financially its tricky. BUT how does it make you feel (however innocent it is or not) the fact he is living under the same roof as someone he has found attractive, been in a relationship with and has had sex with? Are they even in a place where they could properly move on from the relationship.
4. Do you want to be with someone who never invites you into their world, he only ever comes to you. Part of starting a relationship is sharing those parts of your life with each other to help figure out compatibility?
5. Do you want to be with someone who cannot provide a satisfactory answer to if he is single? Really to reassure you he should invite you round, get you to meet her to give you the reassurance its over. He hasnt bothered to do that and if he is single that is poor behaviour.

You know what you need to do, it isnt necessarily about finding out the truth. Just get out of the relationship because its already one sided.

OP there was a thread on here recently where someone wasted 4 years of her life with a man who spun her similar lines. She took him at his word and believed he empty promise after another and then after 4 years she discovered he’s married to the mother of his kid. All the times he’s told her he was working or had his daughter for weekends, he was playing happy families while she sat home waiting for the calls that never came.

That isn’t what you wants it?

I'm sorry it's took all us to spell it out to you, but you were just wasting your time and hopefully you will meet someone else and know what a proper relationship is.

The only reason I would tell her would be for female loyalty.
To stop a man lying and cheating to you both.

Honestly i think your motive is selfish .
If she says yes he’s with me. . Will you believe her or more of his lies.

I agree with everyone else of course they are together. You are his bit on the side weekdays while she thinks he’s at work. Night time and weekends are his partner and kids time.

You haven’t mentioned spending Xmas with him as you know the real reason deep Down why he couldn’t. .

You have to ask yourself what you what from this situation.
When you have truely dug deep the. Move forward.
First thing you have to do though is end the sleeping with a man who has family .

First Post nails it

I doubt she deleted her social media but probably blocked your friend.

Yes if you want a truthful answer message her and ask her.
Then decide what to do based on her answer.

WHEN you are the one being cheated on, will you want to be told everytime ?

Goodness, what a prince, looks like you’re not the only one he’s seeing if she already knew about another one, and I don’t get the more fool her, he’s cheating on you.

I’ve been in this situation myself recently. It’s the hardest type of push and pull so I sympathise with you. The more they’re ‘unavailable’ the more you want them and will believe anything the spin you.

reality is, as many people have said, is that he chooses to still live with his ex and you have no way of knowing whats going on behind closed doors. If he wanted you he’d make it happen and reassure you - not disappear for days and evenings.

But the fact you’re here asking means you know the answers unfortunately. You dont trust him and all his actions are making that ability to trust worse.

as I say I’ve been here myself and it’s very hard to say goodbye as the unavailability makes you keep hope. Unrequited love is the worse pain so I feel for you x

I get your question OP - You don't want to throw something with him away, if he actually is broken up with his girlfriend.

It's tricky - unless you have form for being quite paranoid, I'd tend to trust your gut and try to get it confirmed either way. Not sure how though, sorry! Romantic surprise at his house? He'd be thrilled, if he genuinely is single.

If he is definitely finished with his ex gf, I'd not be thrilled with this living arrangement in the medium term. But I know that's fast forwarding a bit!

Not sure if anyone sees this if I don’t tag them but did message her and was met with the reply that she’s currently expecting their first baby.

at least I know and I can move on, I feel sad for her that I’ve done this but her decisions are down to her from here on out.

Well I managed to get her number off the family friend and turns out she’s expecting their first baby!

onwards and upwards for me I suppose

I’m sorry, but at least you now know the truth.

What a shitbag, i was really hoping he was telling the truth. I wonder if you'll hear from him.

I do, my heart hurts and my head but I should of known, I suspected something but I’ve been blindsided by this.

off to heal my heart and leave him in 2024 so he can go into 2025 and hopefully make her the focus and the baby

I have, many many times over the last few hours. More today than I’ve ever had before and it’s sad and only because it’s been found out. He’s been left on read and I’ve let it go to voice mail every time. I will block him, my heart isn’t ready too right this second but it’s coming.

Ah dude. Give yourself a good slap across the face.

Trust your gut

Relieved for you trust me. I pity the woman who's putting up with this.

I'm so sorry for you that you've been lonely and then deceived, and sorry for the girlfriend too. What exactly did you say to her and what did she reply?