Page 3 | Cheating help - do I tell her again?

Mamaofone20232023 · 2024-12-20T13:27:02+00:00

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, we talk everyday, see eachother sporadically and he’s told me he’s single, turns out, I don’t think he is? my friend messaged his girlfriend on Facebook ( profile picture with them together) and said I think your boyfriends cheating, she then deleted her Facebook. He still swears he’s single and that it’s over between them two but they’re still living together.. he’s still seeing me on a regular basis, we message everyday but his texts die down after work and on weekends - I believe they’re still together, do I let her know again that he’s still cheating?

Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 13:59

TimeAndTideAndButteredEggsWaitForNoMan · 20/12/2024 13:57

So… you would carry on seeing him if she stayed with him, because it would serve her right? Have you got much relationship experience? Do you really think this sort of tawdry stuff is a good basis for a lasting partnership? Have some self respect, really.

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If I knew they were together he would be history within minutes, it’s because I don’t know that they are 100% together that I have this doubt. I don’t want to be with a cheater, he’s told me he isn’t cheating and I’ve questioned him numerous times.

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Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2024 14:00

How many times will you tell her?

If you're happy being 'lovebombed' by a cheat then carry on, but leave the woman in peace.

And try not to bring any children into this mess .

Shetlands · 20/12/2024 14:00

If he weren't still with his girlfriend, he'd be free to see you all weekend, every weekend. Deep down you know why he can't but don't want to face the truth because it hurts so much. Try to find your anger instead and dump him.

Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:02

Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2024 14:00

How many times will you tell her?

If you're happy being 'lovebombed' by a cheat then carry on, but leave the woman in peace.

And try not to bring any children into this mess .

I never told her the first time, he always said he was single my friend suspected otherwise and messaged her, she then deleted her social media’s and then my friend told me she spoke to her.
he called me to ask about it and said they are definitely not together it’s just a now a house share situation.
if I was to speak to her or find out this would be my first time asking.

there is no children, only mine who he’s never met

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Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:03

Shetlands · 20/12/2024 14:00

If he weren't still with his girlfriend, he'd be free to see you all weekend, every weekend. Deep down you know why he can't but don't want to face the truth because it hurts so much. Try to find your anger instead and dump him.

you are right, deep down I feel like I know but my heart tells me it’s not true, my head has the text message ending it written out in my drafts but I’m just scared to press send

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MerryLiftMass · 20/12/2024 14:03

I would turn up at his house with his Christmas gift and surprise him.

Actually do they have children because that would be unfair. You could always phone him on Saturday morning and say you are round the corner and popping in. His panic should tell you all you need to know.

TimeAndTideAndButteredEggsWaitForNoMan · 20/12/2024 14:03

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 13:59

If I knew they were together he would be history within minutes, it’s because I don’t know that they are 100% together that I have this doubt. I don’t want to be with a cheater, he’s told me he isn’t cheating and I’ve questioned him numerous times.

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But they live together! And he is too busy to ‘support’ you on evenings and weekends! It’s so obvious that I can only think you are being wilfully naive. Why do you give him the benefit of the doubt when the red flags are waving so fast in front of you?

Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:06

TimeAndTideAndButteredEggsWaitForNoMan · 20/12/2024 14:03

But they live together! And he is too busy to ‘support’ you on evenings and weekends! It’s so obvious that I can only think you are being wilfully naive. Why do you give him the benefit of the doubt when the red flags are waving so fast in front of you?

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I think you’re right about the wilfully naive. I want to believe what he is saying, I want to believe that it’s just a house share situation. It’s just hard you know? I’m a single mum, my sons dad plays no part in his life and I guess I’m lonely and he’s my company, if I end it, I’m alone again and yes I know I have my child and he is enough so much more than enough but I’m also only human with feelings

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Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:07

MerryLiftMass · 20/12/2024 14:03

I would turn up at his house with his Christmas gift and surprise him.

Actually do they have children because that would be unfair. You could always phone him on Saturday morning and say you are round the corner and popping in. His panic should tell you all you need to know.

Haha that made me laugh, there is no children involved. I do have a child but he’s never met him.

I only live a 5 minute drive from him however I do believe if I rang he wouldn’t answer, whenever I’ve rang him the first thing he asks is what’s wrong as I never ever call him.

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bluebalou · 20/12/2024 14:08

Is ask the family member to contact and ask then , you need to know one way or another , it'll drive you mad

BluePapillon · 20/12/2024 14:10

If he was single and it was just a flatmate situation then why hasn’t he offered to put you in contact with her himself? If they are both just friends now and cohabiting for the time being and she is aware he’s seeing someone else and is ok with it she could confirm on her end. You’ve been seeing him a while and he never mentioned he was still living with her??

MerryLiftMass · 20/12/2024 14:12

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:07

Haha that made me laugh, there is no children involved. I do have a child but he’s never met him.

I only live a 5 minute drive from him however I do believe if I rang he wouldn’t answer, whenever I’ve rang him the first thing he asks is what’s wrong as I never ever call him.

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Text him and say, Hi C, I am just on my way to yours to drop off your pressie, see you soon. I bet he phones you pretty fast!

Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2024 14:13

Honestly, no man is worth all you're experiencing. Send the text, then block him. You deserve better 💐.

greyspring · 20/12/2024 14:14

Its not a niggly feeling that he isn't single. Its a 100% certainty. He will have told her that you were just an internet troll. I know a wife who this happened to. That is what the H told her when the first OW contacted her via facebook. Several years later more OW contacted her and she realised he was a serial cheat.
He lovebombed all his OW too, with loads of love and support. They all thought they were the only one.

Its a form of control over women that some men enjoy. Its the control of being able to manipulate women to play the role they want the women to play in their life. Its the control of being able to manipulate the woman into believing they are in a loving supportive relationship. Its the control of being able to win the women around when he is exposed or his lies start to unravel. He likes controlling women like this. If he loved you or her, he would not be lying to and manipulating you both. Its the control he loves.

Slidingdowntherainbow · 20/12/2024 14:15

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 13:34

Because like I said earlier he was there for me when nobody was, I had a small baby and he’s supported me through his first year of his life. It’s hard to just ‘get rid’ of someone who you had hopes for regardless of current situations.

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Do you think your time may be better spent worrying about your baby, than some guy who isn’t available?

if he was single, he’d be seeing you evenings and weekends - is he?

Starlight1979 · 20/12/2024 14:15

Because I’m head over heels, he love bombed me when I was at my lowest

The sad thing is I was so happy on my own, then he walked into my life and sweeped me off my feet

These two posts completely contradict each other OP....

waggytaildog · 20/12/2024 14:16

This sounds so familiar.

Right down to the girlfriend deleting her FB when she's told.

He isn't based in NI, is he?

lionloaf · 20/12/2024 14:18

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 13:29

Because I’m head over heels, he love bombed me when I was at my lowest and has supported me through all of that. I asked him if they weren’t together and he said they are not I just have this feeling they are, hence why I asked should I speak to her? Ask her myself?

You’re hoping if you tell her she’ll leave him and you can be with him.

He’ll leave you as he found you.

lionloaf · 20/12/2024 14:22

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 13:35

But does the girl he’s living with get told again that he’s still seeing someone else or does she get left in that life? She deleted her Facebook the first time round, does she get told a second time round and then more fool her?

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Stop pretending you care about her! You’re just trying to get her out of the picture so you can have him. Each of your updates gets progressively more pathetic. Look after your child and stop running after a man who is cheating with you!!

whathaveiforgotten · 20/12/2024 14:23

OP he may not have met your child so you might be tempted to feel that this isn't negatively affecting your child.

But he deserves a happy, secure mum. And you deserve to feel happy and secure.

You don't feel this way with this man. And for as long as you continue a relationship with him, he's stealing time, energy and headspace that could be spent on you and your son.

Making a happier life for the two of you, not investing in someone who is so clearly bad news.

Have you got him a Christmas present? Do yourself and your son a favour and return it. Spend the money on a treat for the two of you and start the new year not focusing on this man.

Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:31

BluePapillon · 20/12/2024 14:10

If he was single and it was just a flatmate situation then why hasn’t he offered to put you in contact with her himself? If they are both just friends now and cohabiting for the time being and she is aware he’s seeing someone else and is ok with it she could confirm on her end. You’ve been seeing him a while and he never mentioned he was still living with her??

He’s always been very clear he lives with this woman he’s never hidden it, not once. But you’re right surely if he was single and a house share situation all the above would of happened and I’d of been invited round

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Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:32

Starlight1979 · 20/12/2024 14:15

Because I’m head over heels, he love bombed me when I was at my lowest

The sad thing is I was so happy on my own, then he walked into my life and sweeped me off my feet

These two posts completely contradict each other OP....

I was very low, I was a single mum. But I can be low and also be very happy being single? I wasn’t looking for anyone when he walked into my life.

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MumblesParty · 20/12/2024 14:32

Given his living arrangements and the texting pattern, it’s highly likely he’s still in a relationship with her. However, he clearly has no intention of admitting this, which leaves you in a difficult situation. You want to believe him, but you have a strong feeling he’s lying. You want to break up with him if he’s lying, but a small part of you is worried he’s telling the truth, in which case you’d be ending your relationship for no reason. The bottom line is you need to know for sure. I think you have to ask his (ex)girlfriend, one way or another.
You said your friend spoke to her before she shut down her social media accounts. What did the girlfriend say?

Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:33

whathaveiforgotten · 20/12/2024 14:23

OP he may not have met your child so you might be tempted to feel that this isn't negatively affecting your child.

But he deserves a happy, secure mum. And you deserve to feel happy and secure.

You don't feel this way with this man. And for as long as you continue a relationship with him, he's stealing time, energy and headspace that could be spent on you and your son.

Making a happier life for the two of you, not investing in someone who is so clearly bad news.

Have you got him a Christmas present? Do yourself and your son a favour and return it. Spend the money on a treat for the two of you and start the new year not focusing on this man.

You’re completely right thank you. I haven’t bought him anything for Christmas, we haven’t even mentioned Christmas at all to eachother if I’m honest but no you are 100% right my boy deserves me in the correct headspace

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Original poster

Mamaofone20232023 · 20/12/2024 14:35

MumblesParty · 20/12/2024 14:32

Given his living arrangements and the texting pattern, it’s highly likely he’s still in a relationship with her. However, he clearly has no intention of admitting this, which leaves you in a difficult situation. You want to believe him, but you have a strong feeling he’s lying. You want to break up with him if he’s lying, but a small part of you is worried he’s telling the truth, in which case you’d be ending your relationship for no reason. The bottom line is you need to know for sure. I think you have to ask his (ex)girlfriend, one way or another.
You said your friend spoke to her before she shut down her social media accounts. What did the girlfriend say?

So before she shut down her social media accounts she replied to say she knew all about it as the girl and her friend had already contacted her previously but I can only assume he was seeing someone else aswell as this was the first time a friend had contacted her about me (and last I believe) and then she shut it down.

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