Cheating help - do I tell her again?

[Mamaofone20232023]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, we talk everyday, see eachother sporadically and he’s told me he’s single, turns out, I don’t think he is?
my friend messaged his girlfriend on Facebook ( profile picture with them together) and said I think your boyfriends cheating, she then deleted her Facebook.

He still swears he’s single and that it’s over between them two but they’re still living together.. he’s still seeing me on a regular basis, we message everyday but his texts die down after work and on weekends - I believe they’re still together, do I let her know again that he’s still cheating?

The problem with that, is that you are accepting that he’s happy being a cheating character. What she chooses to go has nothing to do with your decision.
Your gut says he’s stringing both of you along. He probably is.

You are right in the sense of I don’t care about her, I don’t. However the only thing I want would be for her to say if he’s cheating or not. If they’re not together great, I need to work on my trust issues and being paranoid.

If they are still together that’s a her issue, not me and I’d be out the picture straight away, whether she stayed or not is her problem.

So if they're not together you're fine with that? And you'll be happy that he's still living with his ex and uncontactable in the evenings and at weekends....?

YOU DUMP HIM.

More fool her?

The only reason you could possibly have now is to try to break them up so that you can have him. And once you get him you will be the one at home whilst he plays the field with others. Have some self-respect, he doesn't give a damn about you - you are nothing but his bit on the side.

I doubt you would be invited round as that’s a pretty awkward situation for all of you.

But a word of advice from an older lady, it doesn’t matter even if they’re separated, getting involved with someone who hasn’t even made enough of a jump from his last partner to not be living apart is very very rarely a good idea.

Someone still living under same roof as their ex is very unlikely to be in the head space up fully move on yet. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

he’s told me he loves me and to hear that when you’re alone means something

He’s playing you like a fiddle. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just words. Someone who loves you prioritises you, doesn’t use you for sex and then ignore you when he’s around his real partner, who he lives with. He’s told you everything you needed to hear. Raise the bar. End this. You’re harming another woman whilst you carry on with this scumbag, as well as yourself. Do better. Do some work on your own self esteem. Block this loser.

Im not trying to break them up, as far as he’s told me they’re already separated, what I’d like is confirmation from her?

If they’re not separated then I’d be gone in a flash, the only reason I’ve stuck around so long is he has told me they’re not together, I’ve maybe foolishly believed him until recently when things have felt off.

Oh and get an STD check because he’s probably dipping his dick in more than just you and the woman he lives with.

There is no excuse for dating someone who is clearly still in a serious relationship and living with someone.

As others have said - have some self respect. You are the other woman and frankly pretty low for carrying on when you knew he was with someone. You think he’s telling you the truth? No he’s having his cake and eating it too.

I’d say to him “so are you staying with en Xmas eve then and for Xmas dinner “?
if he says no I’d make a fuss and say why would you be spending its with your ex

That’s if he is cheating? He may well be telling the truth?
You’re right in what she chooses is nothing to do with my decision however her answer has every part to do with my decision.

my issue is with asking her is I know she’s been told before that he’s seeing me. If I then contact her to ask her that question and it’s unwanted is it classed as harassment? I don’t know

You know the type of person that lovebombs is usually setting you up for abuse don't you?

She doesn't owe you anything, especially if you're over the side with her partner. You're coming off as very uncaring about this girl who has done nothing wrong.

I didn’t actually, I’m very not new to dating but I’ve not had many partners, I’ve never been ‘love bombed’ before

But he’s told me he loves me and to hear that when you’re alone means something

When a man loves you he shows it with his actions, not just words. Your low self-esteem is making you want to believe the fairy tale he’s selling.

Even the fact that you’re having these thoughts and concerns tells should tell you that he’s not the right man for you. You don’t trust him. Time to throw this one back in the sea.

For the love of god, OP, find your self respect. This is excruciating.

He doesn’t love you. People who love you don’t vanish in the evenings and weekends to their other lives.

He says these things so he can have both his live in girlfriend and you dancing to his tune.

You are his mistress, his side piece, his part time shag. If you value yourself and your son at all, put at stop to this.

And get yourself screened for STDs

This man has you exactly where he want you, scared to ask the important questions incase he dumps you for not trusting him, and being scared to dump him. This guy's been doing this to other women before you came along by what you've said, the GF knows of his cheating ways. If you can tell her, do it. It may not make any difference.

So many red flags here, you know this too. Honestly get yourself out of this situation. 🫶

He's not cheating on you.
He is cheating on his girlfriend with you.

I need to work on my trust issues and being paranoid

You don't have trust issues or paranoia. You can read this very clear situation exactly as it is. You just don't want to believe it.

So I see the GF knows he cheats but stays. See, its control. He showers women with affection and attention because he likes them adoring him as that means he can control them. Men like this do appear like the nice guys. Essentially they are relationship fraudsters, but their motivation is not money but enjoying the control they get by emotionally ensnaring women.

You are right and you know what, I’m done with him, reading all your messages, being left on read, not coming to see me, not messaging me.

I suppose I knew all of this in my heart and it’s taken complete strangers to knock some sense into me.

thank you so much

You are right he doesn’t love me and it’s taken strangers on the internet to hit the message home.

thankfully I’ve always been careful with him but I will still go for a screening to be on the safe side.

im no longer his side bit, im a wonderful mother to my son (i always have been) but hopefully in a better headspace going forward for him.

thank you for being brutally honest. I needed it, this man is being left in 2024.

So you haven't even talked about Christmas and seeing each other over the festive period? That's v good news for him as he is busy next week...with his partner/wife/gf etc.

No she doesn’t as it’s all been deleted it would
only be through her family ( my friend is a close family friend to her family) so it would be them I’d have to contact.
ive never met any of his friends or family and I’ve realised the more I type the more stupid I’ve been about this whole situation, I really am just the bit on the side that he comes to see when he pleases..