The shadows the abusers cast…
I was a regular - and almost hourly poster during the very grimmest moments - here from 2020 until the death of my absolutely emotionally rancid mother in law The Hag in Feb 2024 at the age of 86.
It was the anniversary of her death yesterday.
In summary, she was violent, emotionally violent and coercive to her children, one of whom is my amazing partner Mr Monkey, a nicer and kinder man you could not hope to meet despite a truly dreadful childhood.
The other two are 1) Golden Boy, who carried on the cycle of abuse to his wife (who is now ex but continues to be my much loved SIL) ramping it up and adding in sexual violence, porn addiction, use of prostitutes, financial coercion, class A drugs, financial embezzlement, and walking out on his two sons with no contact with his children, or The Hag the mother he purported to worship and 2) Slave Son, who was The Hag’s stepson and whipping boy. He has MS and from the 1980s onwards was her servant, running around after her and was entitled to no life of his own. She would do things like scream at him at at Tesco and it wasn’t uncommon for him who was medically retired to receive up to 18 calls a day.
As Slave Son got more infirm, Mr Monkey was increasingly being lined up as carer. The Hag had a very strategic plan as to how her remaining old age would be spent. I was not factored into those plans. She disliked both her daughters in law as we were seen as rivals and/or collateral damage.
We endured 12 weeks of the Hag living - rather, malignly squatting - with us for 12 weeks overall across 2020 - 2023 due to Covid, broken wrists, repairs on her flat.
The woman was pure evil. It put unbearable pressure on me. Mr Monkey went into some very dark places from her greater proximity by her being here and the battle of wills of resisting her demands and again having to endure horrible emotional abuse for which he had trauma informed therapy for his CPTSD.
SOMEHOW. Somehow, we got through it. He’s in a good place. He doesn’t have violent nightmares anymore - all through his life he had a least five a week - and is much less tense and more self-confident.
The support here and us both going separately to seek professional support saved us as people and as a couple.
Being able to talk openly here was my lifeline.
A huge thank you.
And yet the shadows these MALIGN FUCKERS cast…
Of my two nephews aged 23 and 21, there’s damage there.
The eldest has mild learning disabilities which means he’s never going to be fully independent and sister in law with no £ or emotional support from Golden Boy has managed to buy the boys a flat, so Nephew Number 1 will always have a place to live.
Golden Boy once promised to meet uo with him and then stood him up. Nephew 1 blames himself for the divorce as he told mummy about the ‘pretty ladies’ in the family pool (ex-pat lifestyle) who were the prostitutes GB brought to the family home when sister in law was in her home country burying her father. Poor lad can’t compute how the split of the family is not his fault.
Nephew 2 seems to have it all - very smart, very good looking, funny - but is very damaged, but hides it.
Last week he tried to take his own life, which has been very, very, very hard. He’s doing ok and now has a good package of support in place.
What has come out has his deep hurt and anger about the rejection by his father and feeling his mum wasn’t there all the time for him as she was working. She was, basically, holding the finances together as there was no money from his missing in action piece of shit father.
They’re getting through it. I feel so SO SO off the scale angry of the toxicity reaching the nephews.