Husband has been having an affair for 2 years

[GARLANDGIRL2024]

I found out last night. I am still numb.
i received a message on facebook from a fake profile saying your husband has been having an affair for 2 years with a colleague.

i showed him the message and I could tell by his face it was true. My whole world, my whole heart, my family all shattered to pieces in that one moment.

He admitted it, it didn’t take much to get it out of him. They used to work together at his last company. Sleeping together for 2 years. She’s single and 10 years younger than him.

they no longer work together. Their last meeting was 3 weeks ago, when he told me he was out with his work colleagues and stayed in a hotel after. He often stays in hotels approx once every month or so, as he works 2 hours away from where we live so when he goes for a drink after work he stays. What a fool I am, never thought anything of it cos I trusted him!!!

tells me he doesn’t love her, it’s just a sex.
he doesn’t want to be with her, he doesn’t want to end our marriage.

about a year ago he had what he called a mental breakdown, told me he wasn’t sure if he was happy, wasn’t sure what he wanted. He swore blind there was no one else, but it all makes sense now!
He very nearly left me, and our 2 young kids. We’ve been married for 9 years and together for 15 years. But he decided to stay. 2 years ago he came off social media and asked me to do the same! I said no so he asked me not to post any pictures of him or the kids…. Again it all makes sense now!!!

i am just utterly shocked. What I keep thinking about was that he very nearly left me for her, so there’s feelings there or as he says there was but not anymore
yet he still sleeping with her!!

I just cannot believe it. A week before Christmas. Our kids are 5 and 7 and we’ve together planned a perfect Christmas for them, it’s all ruined now !!
I don’t know what to do.
part of me wants to act normal for the kids until Christmas is over.

please help I’m utterly devastated and broken. Haven’t stopped crying all day

God. This has made me realise why my first boyfriend is so important to me. My parents were shit. My replacement parents were shit. I thought my h was good. Then it turned out he was shit too.

thought my h was good. Then it turned out he was shit too.

Is he your ex husband now? @2025willbemytime

He is @Crackbacking . Thank God. Already got someone new who he's introducing to our children on Xmas day but hasn't told two of them💔

I’m so sorry OP. How utterly devastating and don’t blame you taking a minute to take stock before telling anyone. It’s a lot to get your head and heart round.
No excuses. Would be skeptical about the it was just sex narrative too. Reality is whilst you’ve been true and loyal you have been betrayed in the worst possible way by someone who promised to love and be there for you forever.
It’s like taking a plate and smashing it. Even if you say sorry does not change it.
Really hard too as I’m sure you will have ran the whole gambit of emotions. Easy for the head to think kick him out (it’s an option - even to not be a doormat) but not always so easy if you still love him. When you’re ready tell your family and friends. Exposure best way to blow it apart.
Be hard to have a normal Christmas this year? He doesn’t deserve to play happy families. Kids could be told he’s working and keep yourself busy with your own family/friends?
Raw. Early days and just you be extra kind to yourself. No right or wrong way to get through. Plus they say when you’re going through hell keep going.
Don’t listen to any of his laments. Means fxxk all. He is a proven liar and you know and we know you deserve better than that.

aw he sounds awful, hope your kids Christmas isn’t ruined and depending on their age you’re able to prepare them in advance for meeting the new gf so it’s not just sprung on them.

This is so awful, I'm sorry 😞

He needs to leave the home, give you space. You are a strong woman and mother and Christmas will be magical for you children, don't worry. Take each day as it comes. One step at a time. Make sure you eat and sleep as best you can. Deep breaths, get Xmas done, and then focus on the life admin, ie finances/ housing etc. once you know where you stand you can start to share with family and friends and break away from him. You can't trust him now, it's over.

Good luck and take care

I told them as soon as he told me. They want me to take them so I'll see him and her too. He's still living with his mum so the gf is going to her house. I'm feeling very anxious tbh.

You did the right thing. It’s not fair having that kind of “surprise” sprung on them.

Sorry that’s tough, wish you all the best with that. Here’s hoping it’ll go better than you expect.

Either way at least you can be there for your kids to talk to, as it may be a bit of an unsettling or confusing day for them.

I wonder if he told me as he knew I'd tell them. He's pretty shit at communicating with them. He sent them an email when we split. Then another a year later once he was ready to out more effort in. They will be okay as they will always have me but I'm so upset for them that he is their dad. The excitement of Christmas is just one more thing he's taken for me. Thank you. I'm conscious this is @GARLANDGIRL2024 thread but for crucified last week so not up to starting my own right now.

Yeah he probably was banking on you telling them. Deadbeat dads are generally very cowardly so no surprise there.

It does affect you having a crap Dad which sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it - and at least they have one good parent.

Yeah I don’t want to derail this thread either!
Hope you’re able to post your own thread soon, and yes I know us Mnetters can be very blunt - so of course do it in your own time and maybe post in relationships instead of AIBU which is brutal by design lol

All the best with everything and hope you all have a great Christmas regardless.

It's a ghastly experience to find out an affair has been going on for years, and it wasn't even a one-night stand. In a way it negates every happy time you had with him while his affair was going on. The constant deception that was involved scrambles your brain.

I would kick him out frankly - i Had a narcacist wife a bit ike a self propelled matress in the end I packed up and went .wlked away and worked overseas

However 30 years later I bumped into one of her affair partners - he orbited the far side of the car park afraid of being hit. hopefully she's infected him she had acouple of STD's and a pregnancey .

best thing is to see a lawyer and secure your home and accomodation then seek finacial cover for you and the children . You will never trust hime again I can only hope you meeet someone decent in the future

A drunken one night stand is a mistake and just sex;shagging someone regularly for two years is intentional and definitely not just sex.No doubt the OW has probably been fed the usual cliche bullshit bingo.

I do wonder if it was the OW who messaged you to try to ensure he also ends up single and available.

I completely and totally agree with you. I would not be shocked if it happened to me or anyone else.

To here

This thread is a few months old now. I hope the op is ok now.

This thread is a few months old now. I hope the op is ok now.