Don’t think DH loves me

[Admodean]

This past few weeks I’ve had the worst illness I’ve ever had in my entire life. Two weeks of horrendous flu, which developed into a nasty infection. For two days I was burning hot and delirious, shivering and vomiting. My mouth and throat are covered in white lumps and so sore. Thankfully antibiotics have helped, but I haven’t eaten for 48 hours. I’m still coughing and shivering and I don’t have the energy to cook anything.

DH has just come home from work at 9pm after being out since 8am. I’m lying in bed shivering and I asked if he’d make me a boiled egg and toast so I can try to eat something. He rolled his eyes and sighed, and said “REALLY?!” in a voice that implied I was unreasonable to ask.

He doesn’t love me, does he? 😭

Sorry to hear you’ve been so unwell. Your lack of care from DH is outrageous. Who gives a shit if he’s worked all day and feeling a bit tired. When I’ve had a couple of bouts of god awful tonsillitis that landed me in bed for days my DH bent over backwards to make sure I was cared for. How dare he slag you off to his colleagues. What a complete bellend!!

Anyone who thinks you should have made your own boiled egg and toast are complete idiots. You needed love and care. He made you feel like an inconvenience. He sounds like a selfish twat.

There’s some hard hearted posters on here. Her husband is a selfish, inconsiderate,insensitive uncaring oaf, not to mention disloyal, discussing her with colleagues . I hope she treats him in in a similar way if he is ever ill.

100% this. He sounds like an absolute cunt. Sorry you're dealing with that

What on earth? She says in the first post that she wanted to try to eat something because she hadn't been able to for two days. Quite normal with flu. Then when you do feel up to eating, you're weakened by both the illness and the lack of food. So yeah, you ask someone to bring you something and unless they're a raging psychopath, they do it gladly? Clearly you think she was lying there for fun and just couldn't be bothered to make herself anything until her poor beleaguered husband got home from - gasp! - a whole day at work! How could he possibly make boiled eggs and toast after such hardship when she was demanding them so unreasonably just to make his life even harder? I don't think you can ever have either been ill or in a loving relationship if you believe what you're posting, its utterly bizarre.

"what exactly do you have to put up with from me?" Ask for absolute specific details, just so you can be really clear on what lies he is spinning about you. He will bluster and come up with nothing. Or, you can decide if any of it is valid. Only works if he is interested in learning what you put up with from him and wants to address that in return.

Alternatively, "Once we are divorced, you will no longer have to put up with it". And push on with it.

I'm sorry to read you've been so unwell and that your husband is so unsympathetic.

He tells you all his colleagues think you're so awful but then twists it when you threatened divorce, I'd dtart writing things down that he says because it sounds like he may be gaslighting you on some things.

It'd be interesting to see how he'd act if he was as poorly as you have been.

What type of job has he got, is it long shifts or does he do optional overtime?

I also think it was no accident, bringing two half assed eggs and no toast an hour and a half later. It gives him a comeback when you say he wouldn't make you boiled eggs and he can twist it to make it sound like you were being hostile and ungrateful.

I'm glad you have the support of your mum to help with picking up the children from school, what does she think of his behaviour?

Just to add, having a husband who makes you feel unloved and is unhelpful actually makes it harder to live and function than going at it alone. You'll spend all your mental and emotional energy threating about him. Snip snip and feel the weight lift.

It's quite common for some antibiotics to have that in the instructions for how to take them. Either half an hour before eating or an hour after or something like that. In this case, two hours after - and they make the OP nauseous too, also not uncommon.

OMG, I cannot believe some of the comments here!! These people are either men or some truly sad, brainwashed women. What is a big deal about a person who just came from work making couple of eggs and toast? Most of the working women (and some men) do it anyway. I make dinner every day after full day of work (I acctually take my dog out first, before changing my clothes). Then, I wash up, change clothes and proceed to make dinner. Its not rocket science and is not a big deal. The question here however is about caring and compassion for a loved one. A man came home to a sick wife and instead of inquiring about her well being and actually asking what he could do for her, he is complaining she asked him to make him eggs. Unbelievable!!!

And no, saying, men are different then women is not helping, its just excusing bad behaviour. And no, not all of them are like that. That is not true. While my exh was very much like this, I know some amazing, caring guys, who would in fact do anything for their wives.

I did the school run because I had no choice. I shouldn’t have been driving, it was dangerous. I spaced out and drifted across the white line a couple of times. And I vomited in the school yard.

I wasn’t just sitting there having a jolly and waiting for him to come home either. I was ill and too exhausted to cook. When he came home he said he was going to make himself some food, and I said can I have some food too please, an egg maybe? His response was REALLY?! Like how dare I ask.

Those who have been mean will be delighted to know that on top of a nasty flu and a secondary bacterial infection which was even worse, I’ve now developed another secondary infection which is causing diarrhoea, so I’m waiting to see the doctor again.

So sorry to hear you are so poorly OP, and what an utter waste of space your H is.

I really hope he catches this (terribly mean of me I know) - and if this does happen, I do hope you do nothing for him.

No eggs. Nothing.

Let the bastard suffer without any care or consideration, just like you have had to endure.

And some of the posts on here are vile. They must be trolls. No one in their right mind can surely think your husband is in any way behaving in a perfectly loving and reasonable way towards you OP.

My god @Admodean i really don’t know why some posters are giving you such a kicking.
Get better soon x

I think he should be more caring but I also think that is a very, very long work day and he would be shattered as well.
I know from working shifts that I wouldn't have the energy to start cooking at 9pm at night. Could he phone in sick tomorrow and be in charge of kids/ house/ cooking for you if you feel up to eating? Or could he at least get home earlier?
I hope you feel better soon. My favourite person when I'm ill is my son who is always kind. It sounds like your son is the same offering you his sweets.

@Admodean im sorry to hear your health isn’t improving. Not to be a drama llama but just due to recent personal experience please familiarise yourself with the symptoms of sepsis (out of an abundance of caution) as multiple infections/illnesses can mask more serious things and it can take hold very quickly. Hopefully the antibiotics/doctor can get you feeling better soon and your husband steps up.
(Ignore the ridiculous poster who is clearly just bored)

Oh I've just seen that he was cooking for himself anyway! So he could have made you an egg. Personally if I work such a long day I would just have a banana or a bowl of cereal and be way too tired to cook but if he has the energy to cook for himself then he could have also made you something.

Sorry OP. He's a dick. It's not the egg or the pick ups it's his whole attitude.

Your H could easily take emergency parental leave if he needed to. No I don't think he cares much for you.

I wonder if he has to work 13 hour days, or he chooses to...?

He could have made sure there was food that didn't need cooking, then, couldn't he?

Firstly - focus on getting yourself better.

Secondly - find a good solicitor, get legal advice and work out your finances if you divorce. My response to "I don't want to get divorced" would be "tough, because I'm not staying married to you"

Omg! He should have stayed home to look after you, or at least got someone round to whilst he was at work. You sound really ill. He really doesn’t care let’s face it. It’s sad, but you don’t deserve this treatment

No you didn't have to drive in that state putting people's lives in danger, Including your own children! Now you really are sounding like a martyr. It would have been much safer keeping them at home if your useless DH wouldn't take them.
Your last post has actually fucking enraged me. What were you thinking driving in that state?
Most posters agree your DH is crap, his actions suggest there is no love there. Up to you to decide what to do about that.

His behaviour is appalling. He clearly meant what he said about his colleagues so yes, he’s been bad mouthing you to them when you’re extremely sick. He didn’t try and help with his own children when he could see how unwell you were. Would I want to stay married to him? No, i’d know where I stood, sorry to say that’s not love. Hope you’re feeling better soon

Cooriedoon- but looking after the dc for 13 hours = probably a LOT harder than driving for 5 mins

Me neither. Im frequently appalled by the low bar for men on here.

someone has probably already said this but my first thought on reading he eventually brought eggs was so he could say to people he made you eggs and you refused to eat them.

@Admodean my ExH was like this.
One thing that sticks in my mind is a time I had terrible period pain and he insisted I get up and do cleaning. He told me that women in the army have to fight regardless of being on their period or they would lose their life! He once left me on the floor when I fainted too and told me to just get up. Don’t stay with this man. My dp does everything for me when I am ill. As @Wolframandhart says, some posters have such a low bar! Think of it this way, say if you had something serious, you couldn’t trust this man to look after you. This is exactly what I thought of my ex and one of the big reasons I filed for divorce.