Don’t think DH loves me

[Admodean]

This past few weeks I’ve had the worst illness I’ve ever had in my entire life. Two weeks of horrendous flu, which developed into a nasty infection. For two days I was burning hot and delirious, shivering and vomiting. My mouth and throat are covered in white lumps and so sore. Thankfully antibiotics have helped, but I haven’t eaten for 48 hours. I’m still coughing and shivering and I don’t have the energy to cook anything.

DH has just come home from work at 9pm after being out since 8am. I’m lying in bed shivering and I asked if he’d make me a boiled egg and toast so I can try to eat something. He rolled his eyes and sighed, and said “REALLY?!” in a voice that implied I was unreasonable to ask.

He doesn’t love me, does he? 😭

An hour and a half later he’s turned up at the bedroom door with two eggs and no toast. I told him to shove them up his arse.

I agree op, he’s not seemingly like he loves you at all. What a selfish person to do that. I would help anyone out that was ill like that, not least my partner. He needs a few home truths about basic compassion, that’s awful behaviour.

Do yourself a favour going forward by divorcing your uncaring husband. He is no decent ather to his children if he can and does treat you as their mother with such disdain.

It’s all about him and what he wants. He’s lying through his teeth re his work colleagues. He’s just annoyed that his domestic appliance ie you has broken down.

Some men seem to treat their wives like domestic appliances. When they are operating all is good but the slightest 'malfunction' causes a strop. If you have a wedding video see if your not so DH mumbled through the in sickness and health bit.

Not really. They finish at 3pm and he doesn’t get in until at least 7pm so he can’t pick them up. Plus tomorrow is the last day of school and DH is still at work till Monday. Plus I wouldn’t inflict that on them.

My goodness this is horrible. He’s abusing you. I’d be planning my exit plan if I was you.
Sending you the biggest hug xx

You're not a terrible person I wouldn't believe that shit about his work colleagues and besides what they think doesn't matter what does matter is your Dh attitudes towards you.
I'll bet he stayed late at work to avoid coming home and helping out I've saw it before male dominated industry fake overtime spent yapping to avoid going home to help with kids etc.

You're lovely too (not).

I sympathise OP. A few years ago, I was very ill. Took myself off to the spare room because of the massive fever I had overnight after 3 days of feeling awful. Told my ex in the morning I had made an emergency GP appt as I was finding it hard to breathe and couldn’t walk properly. He refused to drive me to the surgery. I drove myself and our 13 month old to the appt and back. Turned out I’d driven us with a burst appendix. Spent 2 weeks in hospital and nearly died. Ended the relationship 4 years later when I finally realised he was an abuser. Haven’t regretted it for a second.

He doesn’t deserve you OP. And get well soon. 💐

Well, let’s hope he gets it, and you can treat him just the same!

Perfect comment. 💯

Sorry to hear you are going through this op.

One thing I have learned about the male species is many don’t like to feel manipulated into a display of love or affection. I’m not saying you are trying to but the bit about sobbing all night did sound to me like the sort of thing that would really rub that sort of male up the wrong way. It would seem like you were not being stoic and sort of guilt tripping. That’s not taking his side but simply an alternative perspective from an all out “ doesn’t love me” ( which is also the kind of thing these guys would find a manipulative statement.)

He’s a piece of shit OP and you need to start making plans to leave him, when you’re better. Get well soon. And thank god for your mum.

Well that's just petty of you.

Not really. He huffs at her for asking for a 4 minute meal when she's really unwell.

And then does it an hour and a half later, but doesn't bother with half of it?

And she's supposed to accept it gratefully, is she? Nope.

Some men can't deal with illness on any level. Equally your husband might just be missing his 'domestic servant', and is crabby because life isn't how it usually is at home. No, you are not a terrible person, your husband is. I understand he's tired, as he's had a long day at work, but making you something to eat is what a grown adult would do. He's behaving like a child, throwing a hissy fit, because 'shock horror' he has to do something to help. You clearly are extremely unwell. You shouldn't have to tell him anything, as it's obvious you aren't well. However, it seems that your husband walks around with his eyes shut, so spell it out to him. His attitude is utterly shit, and he should be ashamed of himself. Fuck what his mates think of you, they only know your husband's version. In this situation my husband would have stayed home from work to look after me. Yes, he's in a position he can do that, and not everyone can. His employer would class it as a 'home emergency'. If he couldn't have stayed at home, he'd have arranged for my parents to drop in and his sister's to check on me.

Are you saying because she’s been crying and feeling unwell it’s her fault the husband has been uncaring?? Come on, seriously…..

I assume you'll be making plans to leave once you feel well enough?

He doesn’t love or respect you.

If you don’t feel loved and respected then you are not.

Sorry.

Some people seem to have extremely low standards!
OP I hope you feel better soon. I think unfortunately your assessment of your husband is correct.

That’s not what @Calliopespa said at all. She was explaining the male psyche and it’s a perspective I agree with. Lots of men hate to feel manipulated or told what to do and would be stubborn as a result.

OP’s husband seems to be one of these men as he made the eggs (in his own time) and without the toast (not adhering directly to the request).

It is petty petulant behaviour and Caillio wasn’t suggesting it was acceptable.

It’s awful to feel so unwell but I would honestly have spent my energy on making my own eggs rather than posting on MN. Sorry if that sounds unsympathetic.

You aren’t sorry to sound unsympathetic otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this.

@StormingNorman - you're not sorry at all.

Op hope you start to feel better soon.