Don’t think DH loves me

[Admodean]

This past few weeks I’ve had the worst illness I’ve ever had in my entire life. Two weeks of horrendous flu, which developed into a nasty infection. For two days I was burning hot and delirious, shivering and vomiting. My mouth and throat are covered in white lumps and so sore. Thankfully antibiotics have helped, but I haven’t eaten for 48 hours. I’m still coughing and shivering and I don’t have the energy to cook anything.

DH has just come home from work at 9pm after being out since 8am. I’m lying in bed shivering and I asked if he’d make me a boiled egg and toast so I can try to eat something. He rolled his eyes and sighed, and said “REALLY?!” in a voice that implied I was unreasonable to ask.

He doesn’t love me, does he? 😭

Empathy comes from having time and understanding of others regardless of gender.

Somehow I don't think this is the only thing that's made you question him, although it's bad enough on it's own.

Some men view their wives as mainly as household goods, like a washing machine. One that happens to birth their children, take care of them, be a personal assistant, a travel agent, a cleaner, a blow-up doll, and nurse for them when they need it.

You are not meant to have needs and inconvenience him them like this unless there is a direct pay-off for them. That's why you got this reaction.

he’s heard me coughing and vomiting and sobbing all night because I’m so ill

Leave him. He's a wanker. You simply can't trust him to be there for you when you're at your most vulnerable. It's behaviour that shows contempt for you.

Not all abuse and ill treatment is about a man plotting for hours about how he can torture of mistreat his wife. It can come from pure selfishness, ruthlessness, coldness and lack of regard for you as a human being as well.

Gosh what a knob

OP this year I suffered from hyperemesis for the second time in my life. My husband took time off work to look after me and do all the parenting with our toddler while I couldn’t get out of bed. When he had to return to work he would leave the house at 6:30am and get home at 7pm. He would then send me to bed and take over everything. He never complained once!

im not telling you that to brag, im telling you to let you know there are good decent men out there and sadly your husband isn’t one of them

you and your children deserve so much better.

Should you be doing the school run on wobbly legs OP?

Probably not, but if her husband won’t step up, what choice has she got?

Please don’t waste any more years with your horrible husband. Make 2025 the year that you get rid of him.
He’s not a good role model for your DC either.
Hope you feel better soon.

Takes a hell of a lot more effort to do a school run than put an egg in a pot.....

Maybe she was so exhausted after the school run that the egg was beyond her. Or maybe she just thought that as her DH was home he would be happy to make some eggs on toast to save her a job.

The lengths people will go to for justifying why he shouldn’t make some food for his ill wife.
My husband would make me eggs on toast after work even if I wasn’t ill.

She shouldn't have done the school run @needlesandpinsa - her husband should have done it and made her the eggs too. That's how normal, decent people treat their partners whether they're men or women. It's just the most basic standard of care and love for anyone who isn't monumentally selfish and pathetic. Refusing to take your kids to school (OP made it clear that he could have taken them to breakfast club and gone to work) and make a five minute dinner for your sick spouse is ridiculous.

She had no choice but to pick the kids up, you can’t just leave them there. She thought she had a choice about making herself some food… she (mistakenly) thought her husband would be happy to do it for her!

He actually did make her eggs.. she didn't eat them.

Seems strange she was capable though, you know with the wobbly legs and the delirium and the sobbing etc.

I’d walk, my and DH are both down with a virus that got us 3 weeks ago. We keep relapsing and have been taking care of each other. Last year I had norovirus and DH went to the shop for cans of coke (drink it flat and it helps replace sugar), ice lollies and bread, to make toast once I’d stopped trying to bring up my heels bones!

When he had a kidney stone I carried 5 litres of water half a mile (he only drinks bottled water). I should have taken the car but never really do if it’s less than a mile.

In sickness and in health.

She didn't even ask him to do the school run...because she shouldn't have to apparantly.

He made them an hour and a half after she asked and she'd taken antibiotics that meant by that time she couldn't eat. Presumably you're aware that antibiotics are taken on a schedule and you can't eat within a certain window of taking them? By the time she took the tablets she had assumed he wasn't bothering with the eggs based on his reaction when she asked and the length of time that elapsed. And he didn't bring any toast to eat them with. But yeah sure give him a sainthood for his magnificent effort there!

Well she had to be capable, didn’t she? Her husband wasn’t going to step up and collect his own children so what was the alternative? Social services?
Im not sure why you’re so angry at someone for expecting basic love and care from her husband, is it because yours doesn’t show you any either?

She should have made them in the 13 hours window after the school run that she never even asked him to do.

Gosh this is boring.

But she wasn't capable of putting an egg in a pot for 3 mins...preferably waiting 13 hours until he came in...yep, perfect sense.

Well no, it would be self evident to anyone normal. Honestly, have you ever met another human being before? It's like you're totally baffled by the very bare minimum standards of loving someone and looking after the people you live with. When someone in my household is ill, I do things for them. I bring them food and drink. I take care of the jobs they would usually do without being asked or told, because I'm not a total fucking idiot and I care about them. Likewise, when I'm ill, that's how my husband behaves too. Because that's normal. He wouldn't need to be asked to do the school run, he'd just do it.

Would you make yourself an egg though? You know if your husband was gone for 13 hours or would you lie there starving?

She didn't wait 13 hours for the eggs. She didn't want to eat, because she's very ill. When he got home, she felt like eating might help her feel a bit better. Again, have you ever been ill? You lose your appetite and after a while, not having eaten anything makes you feel weak. So you eat something. She wasn't lying there all day wishing for eggs. She decided she wanted eggs later on, when he was home and could make them for her. It's really incredible to read posts so entirely lacking in empathy.

Ohhhhhh she magically felt like eating eggs when he came in? Gotya.