Don’t think DH loves me

[Admodean]

This past few weeks I’ve had the worst illness I’ve ever had in my entire life. Two weeks of horrendous flu, which developed into a nasty infection. For two days I was burning hot and delirious, shivering and vomiting. My mouth and throat are covered in white lumps and so sore. Thankfully antibiotics have helped, but I haven’t eaten for 48 hours. I’m still coughing and shivering and I don’t have the energy to cook anything.

DH has just come home from work at 9pm after being out since 8am. I’m lying in bed shivering and I asked if he’d make me a boiled egg and toast so I can try to eat something. He rolled his eyes and sighed, and said “REALLY?!” in a voice that implied I was unreasonable to ask.

He doesn’t love me, does he? 😭

A few days of picking up the slack wouldn't kill him! Mine works long hours but will still do more if I'm ill, he doesn't complain even though I am the most pathetic human being in the world when I am sick, it's honestly hard to tell if I have a cold or 2 days to live I'm awful.
I don't think right now is the time to be assessing your whole life though, try and concentrate on getting better, see if your mum could bring you some hydration drinks and maybe some nice fruit etc to try and get some nutrients into you, rest up then once you are better you can decide how much of an arse he actually is.

Looking at the statistics of how many men leave their wives when the women get things like cancer, it's not surprising he doesn't give a shit. It is lots and lots and lots of men.

Domestic appliance is failing so get rid, is their mentality, I assume.

That’s just saw bloody awful! Who the hell have these kind men been socialised by to be such selfish and unkind human beings? One of my colleagues had hip replacement surgery. After she came home, her husband flew out first thing the next morning, on a shitty „”boys weekend”, refusing to cancel his plans for her. He said she will be alright. Such a shit human being. Someone, somewhere clearly convinced these men, with these crappy behaviours, that they are more important than the women in their lives.

He doesn't seem to love you
I'd be kinder to a stranger than he is to you

Yesterday he said his colleagues were flabbergasted by what he has to put up with from me, they are shocked and appalled. So I said I want a divorce because I wouldn’t even be friends with someone who talks shit about me behind my back, never mind be married to him. And apparently now I’ve misunderstood, and they were simply saying he’s very patient, but he doesn’t know what that means or refers to specifically. And he doesn’t want to get divorced.

I often wonder if it's because as boys they've been waited on hand and foot by their mum's and then carry that expectation on when married/living with someone that the woman in their life will pick up from where mum left off?

I think that has a lot to do with it, for sure. But such mothers/parents are doing a complete disservice to their children. Also, notice how from a young age little children are socialised to conform to gender stereotypes. Little girls are bought play kitchens, toy hoovers, toy babies and buggies, role playing the homemaker, mother and nurturer. Little boys get building blocks, trucks, toy guns etc, so no games or toys that reflect home life, if you see what you mean. And so this gets perpetuated into adult life.

"Surf2Live"

Men do function differently no lots of different things to women . Stress, empath, sex, physically aggressive to name a few you don't have to be a man to know that you just have to be educated.
I never said it ok but don't mean it's not true.

"Bumblebeestiltskin"

You couldn't be more wrong if you tried.

After years of women's rights I finally decided that I was gonna be one of those women to work in a dangerous working environment dominated by men. I worked 90 hours a work putting up with sexist remarks and made to feel I wasn't good enough.

Men do function differently on lots of things compared to women. Stress, sex, empathy, physical aggression it's not misogyny it's being educated.
Like I said numerous times, I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

@bluebee17 most men who love their wives would make them a boiled egg when they are sick without huffing and being being unpleasant. Don’t make excuses for this awful specimen, most men would NOT behave like this.

@Admodean I seriously doubt that his mates in work would be so crass. Maybe he works with actual dinosaurs? Ugh.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now

This way my first reply OP

"Men function different to women, unless you actually tell them out right, they can be quite thick on matters"

How does that sound like? I'm making excuses for them ??

@Admodean sounds like he’s back peddling after you called him out on what is bullshit (either what he told them was a lie or how they responded was exaggerated), he was just trying to justify his shitty behaviour.

Sounds like your mum has stepped up to help you with the kids this week, so all he had to do was make you an egg and he couldn’t manage that and instead insulted you, he sounds extremely self centred and rather callous. You were clearly very unwell but even if you’d just been a bit under the weather the kind thing to do is help and look after your partner when they are unwell, there’s no justification for what he did. He’s got a lot of making up to do.

Of course he doesn’t want to get divorced. He wants the housework and mothering appliance back on its feet. Fuck that.

If you can do the school run, surely you can put an egg in a pot and not lie there for 13 hours while your husband is at work waiting for him to get home and make it.

I can totally sympathise, I had one of those. now ExH thankfully. I remember coming down with the flu and in the early stages of it started getting a temperature. I asked if my H (at the time and def not a DH) would pop out and do the weekly shop and get some tablets and stuff. He refused (he was in the middle of something like Call of Duty - online with his friends). Because they could hear me I was too worried about saying anything. I went myself, did a full weekly shop got all the bits I needed and was sweating at the till feeling awful.

It took me a while to realise how uncaring he was. Now I have a lovely DP, I got cancer 2 years ago and thank my lucky stars I got out of my marriage because there is NO WAY my ex would have cared for me during cancer, treatment and surgeries and recovery. Without it all being about him. Obviously you have no way of knowing if something might happen to your health but if he treats you like this he wont look after you ever xxx

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Seriously, the dramatics. The delirium, the sobbing at night, the vomiting in the school yard, the weakness...yet she can do a school run but not put an egg in a pot so lies there for 13 hours starving till her husband comes home and asks him to do it and then doesn't even eat it when he does coz she took her tablets.
If it were a man writing the replies would be very different.

You're right OP. This man doesn't love you. Doesn't even sound like he likes you, bitching to his colleagues about you. Tell him to fuck off and pray to the gods he comes down with the same virus. Don't even think about looking after him.

Yes quite!
Fortunately OP you don't need his permission to get divorced!

Can you just shut up now?

It sounds like English isn't your first language, so I'm going to hope the message isn't coming across the way you intend it to. If not, I hope you haven't got children you're feeding this rubbish to.

Please do not stay with someone who is so unfeeling towards you.

My ex-husband was like this. You find out who you've married when you are unwell and you are ignored, treated as a huge inconvenience. As said above: his response is because the domestic appliance is not working...

He has not compassion towards you whatsoever.

I remember how sad I was when I realised that my husband didn't love me. He said he did however his actions told me the truth

The actions you describe are not those of someone who cares about you or the children you share with him. 😕

You wouldn't do a boiled egg and toast for your sick partner? What's wrong with you?

Yes. It’s flu. No need for all the drama. 🙄

It's true of some men, because they're socialised to behave in certain ways.
That doesn't mean it's a necessary state of affairs that can't be changed.
A start towards changing it would be for everyone to educate themselves and understand that these "male" are socialised, gendered behaviours rather than innate sex differences.