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Original poster

I feel extremely played (need advice)

167 replies

Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:11

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

OP posts:
BigPorker · 15/12/2024 23:16

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comedycentral · 15/12/2024 23:17

Block him. He's messing you around. I suspect he's actually married.

Silvertulips · 15/12/2024 23:20

Did you see that documentary where this woman was kept at arms length for 8 years! It turned out it was her cousin pretending to be the boyfriend and she practically gave up her life for this ‘relationship’ and yet nothing could be done in law - awfully traumatic for this woman .

Honestly if it feels off, walk away.

friendlycat · 15/12/2024 23:21

He’s just not genuine. It’s time to block him and stop all fake conversations.

Riesel · 15/12/2024 23:26

The fact he is texting you from private numbers after you have chosen to block him is overstepping boundaries and a massive red flag. He just likes having access to you and knowing he can mess you around.

Pay attention to actions over words every time. If he had wanted to meet you he would’ve.

healthybychristmas · 15/12/2024 23:27

God only knows what he's up to but he isn't genuine. I imagine he is married. Those promises to meet up or to keep you in line, he doesn't mean a word of it. Oh and nobody died, that's real classic manipulation and avoidance.

Have you seen each other on Zoom? I reckon nothing about this man will be genuine, his job, where he lives, his age, none of it. I hope you haven't sent him intimate photos.

Original poster
Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:30

healthybychristmas · 15/12/2024 23:27

God only knows what he's up to but he isn't genuine. I imagine he is married. Those promises to meet up or to keep you in line, he doesn't mean a word of it. Oh and nobody died, that's real classic manipulation and avoidance.

Have you seen each other on Zoom? I reckon nothing about this man will be genuine, his job, where he lives, his age, none of it. I hope you haven't sent him intimate photos.

He said his mom passed. Yes I have face timed him plenty of times

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RacingThoughts111 · 15/12/2024 23:33

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What's a yank post?

Temporaryname158 · 15/12/2024 23:33

Block him on every number he contacts you on. Give it 24 hours for him to stop that silliness. If he doesn’t or if he turns up at your work call the police immediately.

speak to the receptionist/security at work if you have them and let them know a brief that someone unwanted is trying to contact you and not to reveal if you are in the building to anyone, or let him in if he arrives

Rainbowqueeen · 15/12/2024 23:35

Massive red flags.

Do as @Temporaryname158 suggests. He could be dangerous.

BigPorker · 15/12/2024 23:37

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saltysandysea · 15/12/2024 23:54

Keep quiet, don’t reply, keep him blocked & move on. Probably married & doing all this for shits & giggles. But he probably won’t appreciate being dropped like this so watch your back.

Original poster
Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:58

saltysandysea · 15/12/2024 23:54

Keep quiet, don’t reply, keep him blocked & move on. Probably married & doing all this for shits & giggles. But he probably won’t appreciate being dropped like this so watch your back.

He said he would leave me alone and he hasn’t contacted me at all today

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Riesel · 16/12/2024 00:06

Hopefully a lucky escape then and you’ll hear no more from him.

Babycatsmummy · 16/12/2024 00:18

Similar thing happened to me and I ended up just blocking him because we would always arrange to meet and he'd cancel or just not show! Turns out he was actually engaged. The time we stopped talking he got married he contacted me on social media ( whilst we were talking he said he didn't have it as used to be a police officer and saw how bad it was etc etc) but when I looked at his profile he'd had it for years! Anyway, he gave me some story on how his relationship was always on/off and when we were chatting they were separated. They've only been married a few years and are now divorcing because he's been diagnosed with a chronic illness and she can't cope apparently. He wanted to meet me and I said absolutely not, it's Ben years and I've had a baby and settled down but he tried his luck! I blocked him again. He referred to me as the one that got away

Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 00:25

Babycatsmummy · 16/12/2024 00:18

Similar thing happened to me and I ended up just blocking him because we would always arrange to meet and he'd cancel or just not show! Turns out he was actually engaged. The time we stopped talking he got married he contacted me on social media ( whilst we were talking he said he didn't have it as used to be a police officer and saw how bad it was etc etc) but when I looked at his profile he'd had it for years! Anyway, he gave me some story on how his relationship was always on/off and when we were chatting they were separated. They've only been married a few years and are now divorcing because he's been diagnosed with a chronic illness and she can't cope apparently. He wanted to meet me and I said absolutely not, it's Ben years and I've had a baby and settled down but he tried his luck! I blocked him again. He referred to me as the one that got away

I’m so sorry. Yeah this guy isn’t married I have family that knows him, but he’s definitely hiding something. Is it normal for me to be kinda hurt ?

OP posts:
Babycatsmummy · 16/12/2024 00:35

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 00:25

I’m so sorry. Yeah this guy isn’t married I have family that knows him, but he’s definitely hiding something. Is it normal for me to be kinda hurt ?

Show quote history

totally normal, you’ve invested time and feelings into him that you won’t get back but now it’ll leave you in a situation where you’ll always be overly cautious when it comes to someone else potentially coming into your life.

take some time for you now and just cut him off otherwise it’ll just continue 😘

Janpoppy · 16/12/2024 00:52

Sorry to say but it sounds like you've been played. His family circumstances are probably made up.

Some people get a thrill from manipulating others and it is scary how easy it is for someone without a conscience to manipulate the traits that we have been raised to think of as 'good' - eg, always thinking the best of people, and always giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Your feelings would have been real at your end, so even though there is something different going on for him you can grieve the relationship you thought you had.

You can also google sociopaths and anti-social personality disorders, which are more common than you'd think, so everyone will come across someone like this at some point in their lives.

You've probably got off lightly compared to the kinds of experiences some people have with this type of person, so this might be a lucky life lesson that helps you have a better chance of avoiding this kind of person in the future.

Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 01:01

Janpoppy · 16/12/2024 00:52

Sorry to say but it sounds like you've been played. His family circumstances are probably made up.

Some people get a thrill from manipulating others and it is scary how easy it is for someone without a conscience to manipulate the traits that we have been raised to think of as 'good' - eg, always thinking the best of people, and always giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Your feelings would have been real at your end, so even though there is something different going on for him you can grieve the relationship you thought you had.

You can also google sociopaths and anti-social personality disorders, which are more common than you'd think, so everyone will come across someone like this at some point in their lives.

You've probably got off lightly compared to the kinds of experiences some people have with this type of person, so this might be a lucky life lesson that helps you have a better chance of avoiding this kind of person in the future.

That’s very scary I just can’t picture someone lying about their mom passing…

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Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 01:21

Do you guys think he ever liked me like he said he did ? Or was it all fake ?

OP posts:
TheSilkWorm · 16/12/2024 01:27

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 01:21

Do you guys think he ever liked me like he said he did ? Or was it all fake ?

Does it matter? He's a weird guy and he's not on the level. It doesn't matter if he liked you or was just playing you because he was playing you.

Dollybantree · 16/12/2024 01:34

I went out with someone like this although we did actually meet up and had a “relationship” but he would make up lame excuses at the last minute and some things just didn’t add up. He lovebombed me and told me stuff like I was “the one” and he needed me, messaged me 100 times a day.

Turned out he was married and basically just told a shitload of lies. He was a sociopath and a pathological liar. He told me his mum had died when he was young and that he had cancer (both untrue).

I spent a long time afterwards trying to figure out his behaviour- what was real/fake and why did he do it. The truth is simply as a pp said: there are manipulative freaks out there with serious issues who get off on toying with others. They are insecure and troubled and I guess it makes them feel powerful. Maybe they hate women. These men seem to follow a handbook and when you’ve experienced it yourself you know the signs straight away.

I quickly realised it’s best to just put it down to experience, block and move on as you’ll be driven mad otherwise while they have moved on to their next victim.

Riesel · 16/12/2024 01:48

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 01:21

Do you guys think he ever liked me like he said he did ? Or was it all fake ?

Probably not. Men like that really don’t any women though tbf they just use them to boost their ego.

He liked the fact he was toying with you and deceiving you.

Time to bring the charade to an end and never contact him again or waste any more time thinking about him.

Move on it’s not the end of the world, but be more vigilant next time. He sounds unhinged tbh and could’ve been far worse.

Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 02:02

Only had to read the first two sentences if your first post. Talking to anyone 'constantly' is a red flag of a love bomber. Talking to them constantly, having never met them, over 2 months!? Nig mistake.

Ten days maximum between first chat and meeting them. No chatting 'constantly' regardless. Even if you start dating regularly. A few chats, maybe a mid week phone call between dates, sure. But that's it.

You've landed yourself an abusive narcissist here. If it continues, go to the police. He needs warned off. Tell your work about things so they can keep watch. Vary your route home.

People out there are scary. Hopefully you've dodged a bullet.

Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:12

Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 02:02

Only had to read the first two sentences if your first post. Talking to anyone 'constantly' is a red flag of a love bomber. Talking to them constantly, having never met them, over 2 months!? Nig mistake.

Ten days maximum between first chat and meeting them. No chatting 'constantly' regardless. Even if you start dating regularly. A few chats, maybe a mid week phone call between dates, sure. But that's it.

You've landed yourself an abusive narcissist here. If it continues, go to the police. He needs warned off. Tell your work about things so they can keep watch. Vary your route home.

People out there are scary. Hopefully you've dodged a bullet.

Do you think he’ll leave me alone like he said ?

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