Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel extremely played (need advice)

167 replies

Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:11

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:18

I feel so stupid omg I should have known

OP posts:
Marielys · 16/12/2024 02:20

Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:11

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

That would be weird. Also stalkerish.

Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 02:28

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:12

Do you think he’ll leave me alone like he said ?

Show quote history

'I'm not the kinda man you need to block'

Did he mean that as a threat?
Or just 'you don't have to worry about me'

Hard to gage tone from what you wrote.

If he sent you a 4 minute voicemail after being blocked and is contacting you from private numbers, he's EXACTLY the sort of (nutter) that needs blocked.

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't leave you alone. He sounds nuts.

Don't make excuses for ppl in future. Just 'I'm sorry you're going through that, sounds like you maybe aren't in a place to date right now. Good luck with everything though'. Then unmatch and block. You aren't online dating to be anyones emotional support therapist.

Original poster
Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:53

Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 02:28

'I'm not the kinda man you need to block'

Did he mean that as a threat?
Or just 'you don't have to worry about me'

Hard to gage tone from what you wrote.

If he sent you a 4 minute voicemail after being blocked and is contacting you from private numbers, he's EXACTLY the sort of (nutter) that needs blocked.

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't leave you alone. He sounds nuts.

Don't make excuses for ppl in future. Just 'I'm sorry you're going through that, sounds like you maybe aren't in a place to date right now. Good luck with everything though'. Then unmatch and block. You aren't online dating to be anyones emotional support therapist.

Show quote history

He meant to as a “you don’t have to worry about me”

he hasn’t contacted me at all today so I think I’m in the clear.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 03:39

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:53

He meant to as a “you don’t have to worry about me”

he hasn’t contacted me at all today so I think I’m in the clear.

Show quote history

That's a relief!
Hopefully thats that. Just maybe don't accept any online friend requests from unknown ppl/calls from unknown numbers.

Bittenonce · 16/12/2024 06:07

There are some weird people out there. You just found one.

Waterboatlass · 16/12/2024 09:13

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 02:18

I feel so stupid omg I should have known

No don't worry, there was plausible deniability all along. Keep this one blocked on all channels.

In future prioritise in person meeting quickly. It's the only way you know if you like them, OLD is about finding people with potential, not deciding If you actually like them.

If something similar happens again and there's a big reason not to meet, I would perhaps give one opportunity to reschedule and make supportive noises. If it doesn't happen, then politely suggest they concentrate on the matter at hand, and if they wish, let you know if they would like to meet when things are settled.

Don't spend your time chatting to men online, they could be anyone. Maybe call it a week maximum to arrange a date. Your time is precious.

Marielys · 16/12/2024 13:11

Pinkbonbon · 16/12/2024 02:28

'I'm not the kinda man you need to block'

Did he mean that as a threat?
Or just 'you don't have to worry about me'

Hard to gage tone from what you wrote.

If he sent you a 4 minute voicemail after being blocked and is contacting you from private numbers, he's EXACTLY the sort of (nutter) that needs blocked.

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't leave you alone. He sounds nuts.

Don't make excuses for ppl in future. Just 'I'm sorry you're going through that, sounds like you maybe aren't in a place to date right now. Good luck with everything though'. Then unmatch and block. You aren't online dating to be anyones emotional support therapist.

Show quote history

Look up Burned Haystack Dating on Facebook. I’ve shut up shop but this man would be a ‘block to burn.’

Original poster
Jakielove · 18/12/2024 05:32

He called me again and left a voicemail saying “hit me back”

then he sent me a text saying “blocking him is crazy” and “your the one for me”

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 18/12/2024 06:37

What a ridiculous thing to say if he's never met you face to face, tell him you want to meet or that's it.

Bittenonce · 18/12/2024 06:45

just block. Every number he calls or messages from. I don’t know the correct description for what flavour of weird he is, but you’re better off with him out of your head. Happy Christmas 😁

BilboBlaggin · 18/12/2024 06:47

In your OP you said his dad had a cardiac arrest and was in hospital, but later you say his mum passed away. Was he claiming both were ill?

I'd maybe tell him that you want nothing to do with him and if he continues to harass you then you'll be notifying the police. Then block him on all platforms again. I think the suggestion from a previous poster about advising your work would be a good idea, in case he does turn up.

buttonousmaximous · 18/12/2024 06:54

He sounds odd I wouldn’t be entertaining this. Keep him locked and find someone with less drama. I think you have e had co a lucky escape!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 18/12/2024 07:01

Jakielove · 16/12/2024 01:21

Do you guys think he ever liked me like he said he did ? Or was it all fake ?

He was getting something from it...
And yes..Totally normal to be hurt.

But DO NOT go back there. Do not contact or talk to him again of you can.
Run fast.

Also when reading i guessed the cardiac victim died in advance which tells you something.

If he contacts you again send one last message to his own number telling him you dont want contact. Pleqse stop trying to contact you and any further messages will be considered harassment and you will contact the police

Then consider this... he couldnt send a 30 second text to tell you his "died" or was "dying" and he couldnt make it but he HAS been able to harass you relentlessly and bombard you with texts and calls in the immediate aftermath while "grieving"
🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

WtF?

even if true whixh its not! You dont want to be with someone who behaves like this.

Agree with warning reception and security about him.

i met a similarly messed up guy in my 20s and he DID show up at my work 😭

Original poster
Jakielove · 18/12/2024 07:07

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 18/12/2024 07:01

He was getting something from it...
And yes..Totally normal to be hurt.

But DO NOT go back there. Do not contact or talk to him again of you can.
Run fast.

Also when reading i guessed the cardiac victim died in advance which tells you something.

If he contacts you again send one last message to his own number telling him you dont want contact. Pleqse stop trying to contact you and any further messages will be considered harassment and you will contact the police

Then consider this... he couldnt send a 30 second text to tell you his "died" or was "dying" and he couldnt make it but he HAS been able to harass you relentlessly and bombard you with texts and calls in the immediate aftermath while "grieving"
🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

WtF?

even if true whixh its not! You dont want to be with someone who behaves like this.

Agree with warning reception and security about him.

i met a similarly messed up guy in my 20s and he DID show up at my work 😭

Edited
Show quote history

His parent did die. A week after we started talking his parent had a stoke and was hospitalized, they were making progress and he tried to see me when his parent was hospitalized I declined cause I felt like it was too soon and they weren’t ready. His parent did end up passing away and he notified me of it the day it happened.

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 18/12/2024 09:06

Oh in that case it all makes sense 🙄

Look you.asked for advice.
The general advice is: run dont walk.

No one has said he seems lovely I'd give him another chance.

ChristmasFluff · 18/12/2024 09:46

He's enjoying the fantasy relationship and wants it to continue. It doesn't matter why.

If you want a fantasy relationship too (which is all you have, and all you ever will have with him), then crack on.

FuriousPoodle · 18/12/2024 10:03

I’ll be quite concerned if my sons start using online dating. It sounds lethal for parents. So many parents seem to have heart attack’s just as their sons arrange dates.

CountTo10 · 18/12/2024 10:43

FuriousPoodle · 18/12/2024 10:03

I’ll be quite concerned if my sons start using online dating. It sounds lethal for parents. So many parents seem to have heart attack’s just as their sons arrange dates.

😂😂😂 And car accidents but needing a haircut is a new one on me 😂

DucklingSwimmingInstructress · 18/12/2024 16:58

Jakielove · 18/12/2024 05:32

He called me again and left a voicemail saying “hit me back”

then he sent me a text saying “blocking him is crazy” and “your the one for me”

But he isn't the one for you, lovely.

Value yourself more highly than this steaming pile of horseshit and (I mean this nicely) raise your barriers a bit.

Things to watch out for:

  1. does he do what he says he'll do.
  2. observe what he gets angry about and how he handles it when he is angry
  3. observe how he treats people who are of no importance.
  4. observe how he treats animals. Plenty of people aren't keen on animals and that's fine, but if he's ever mean to them then it's a no.
  5. is he manipulative? That'd be an instant giant no.

This one's manipulative and a bad'un

Original poster
Jakielove · 19/12/2024 06:18

I didn’t mean to put dad. No it’s his mom that was ill and passed away

OP posts:
popduckhe · 19/12/2024 06:48

What does ' hit me back' mean? He sounds unhinged. He is also vulnerable after his mum passed. However he seems to have gone into some panic/needy mode. I doubt this is the first time he has behaved this way. The red flags are all there OP.

Original poster
Jakielove · 19/12/2024 06:51

popduckhe · 19/12/2024 06:48

What does ' hit me back' mean? He sounds unhinged. He is also vulnerable after his mum passed. However he seems to have gone into some panic/needy mode. I doubt this is the first time he has behaved this way. The red flags are all there OP.

He also said he was falling for me ? Which is crazy

OP posts:
popduckhe · 19/12/2024 06:55

Jakielove · 19/12/2024 06:51

He also said he was falling for me ? Which is crazy

Show quote history

Exactly and you know it. Its very hard to break away from these type of 'relationships' which seem to run off adrenaline and drama. Are you both quiet young?

ThianWinter · 19/12/2024 06:55

He’s not who he says he is, and he’s playing an unpleasant game with your emotions, probably because it makes him feel powerful. Walk away from this mess, value yourself and don’t settle for anything less than perfect next time.