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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel extremely played (need advice)

167 replies

Jakielove · 15/12/2024 23:11

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

OP posts:
Jakielove · 26/12/2024 23:53

Pinkbonbon · 26/12/2024 23:50

Ah that changes things then. If he was already trying to get you to go home with him on the date, it looks like it just continued. Eww, he's even more creepy then. I would have blocked him before I'd even got home tbh.

Which is crazy cause he said he was looking for a relationship and how he just wants to “find his person”

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 26/12/2024 23:59

Jakielove · 26/12/2024 23:53

Which is crazy cause he said he was looking for a relationship and how he just wants to “find his person”

Haha ha. Some people talk a load of shite.

You have to watch a persons actions to see if they match their words.

TwistedWonder · 27/12/2024 00:22

OP - what do you want from this thread because everyone is telling you the same thing and you’re taking absolutely no notice what so ever and still engaging with walking red flags.

Unless you start to put better boundaries in place, you’ll keep being a magnet for these idiots so with respect you need to wise up and learn quickly

OliveToboogie · 27/12/2024 00:43

Block and move on. He is messing you about
He wants you to chase him. Don't give him the satisfaction. He is a waste of space.

allaloneandlost · 27/12/2024 01:05

You'd be wise to stop bothering and block on every number he contacts you on. Every little interaction gives him something to go on. It's strange behaviour.

Jakielove · 27/12/2024 01:22

OliveToboogie · 27/12/2024 00:43

Block and move on. He is messing you about
He wants you to chase him. Don't give him the satisfaction. He is a waste of space.

Who the crazy man or the guy I went on a date with recently? If it’s the crazy man I did block him he’s been blocked for weeks I haven’t answered him.

OP posts:
Jakielove · 27/12/2024 01:23

TwistedWonder · 27/12/2024 00:22

OP - what do you want from this thread because everyone is telling you the same thing and you’re taking absolutely no notice what so ever and still engaging with walking red flags.

Unless you start to put better boundaries in place, you’ll keep being a magnet for these idiots so with respect you need to wise up and learn quickly

I appreciate y’all’s advice and I definitely am taking a break from dating for awhile!

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 27/12/2024 09:34

With respect op, this thread is insane. Stop second guessing shitty men, block and stay single for a while. Work on your self esteem, boundaries and recognising very obvious red flags. Only then will you be in a good place to date successfully. This thread where you are second guessing and wondering what they mean etc, makes a painful read. If it’s real and not you taking the piss. Apologies if it’s real, just all sounds very naive.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/12/2024 11:48

northernlight20 · 27/12/2024 09:34

With respect op, this thread is insane. Stop second guessing shitty men, block and stay single for a while. Work on your self esteem, boundaries and recognising very obvious red flags. Only then will you be in a good place to date successfully. This thread where you are second guessing and wondering what they mean etc, makes a painful read. If it’s real and not you taking the piss. Apologies if it’s real, just all sounds very naive.

It's not the first thread OP has started and it definitely won't be the last

northernlight20 · 27/12/2024 12:11

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/12/2024 11:48

It's not the first thread OP has started and it definitely won't be the last

Oh right, didn’t know that. It’s defo can’t be real then. Ridiculous.

allaloneandlost · 27/12/2024 12:31

If that's the case the sad thing is that people might get fed up and not bother posting when somebody genuinely vulnerable needs help.

Jakielove · 27/12/2024 17:14

allaloneandlost · 27/12/2024 12:31

If that's the case the sad thing is that people might get fed up and not bother posting when somebody genuinely vulnerable needs help.

I’ve been completely honest I just need to take a break and work on myself. Cause this seems like a common problem for me

OP posts:
Jakielove · 28/12/2024 00:28

I got a message from a fake instagram account of him. He sent me a call log of when he called me on the 23 which is when I got that weird voicemail mail.

he sent a picture of his call log of him calling me 9 times. I ended blocking that account as well.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2024 03:37

What a psychopath.
If he contacts you again, report him to the police for harassment.

2025Y · 28/12/2024 04:13

FuriousPoodle · 18/12/2024 10:03

I’ll be quite concerned if my sons start using online dating. It sounds lethal for parents. So many parents seem to have heart attack’s just as their sons arrange dates.

OMG this one made me genuinely laugh out loud in the departure gate at the airport!

So true!

I had a guy cancel on me because his young son and his football team had crashed in their minibus! What a horrific thing to lie about.

I've had plumbers turn up early, daughter popped in unexpectedly, ill pets/parents

Any cancellation and it's an instant block. I don't even bothering answering.

In future OP don't waste time texting and FaceTiming. Meet up within the first 2 weeks, you'll soon weed out the time wasters.

Bittenonce · 28/12/2024 05:06

2025Y · 28/12/2024 04:13

OMG this one made me genuinely laugh out loud in the departure gate at the airport!

So true!

I had a guy cancel on me because his young son and his football team had crashed in their minibus! What a horrific thing to lie about.

I've had plumbers turn up early, daughter popped in unexpectedly, ill pets/parents

Any cancellation and it's an instant block. I don't even bothering answering.

In future OP don't waste time texting and FaceTiming. Meet up within the first 2 weeks, you'll soon weed out the time wasters.

in fairness I did once postpone when my dog gave birth prematurely on date day - and we then had a lovely first date the following weekend 😁

daisychain01 · 28/12/2024 05:28

Jakielove · 19/12/2024 06:51

He also said he was falling for me ? Which is crazy

Make sure you don't get sucked into enjoying his attention.

no need to bother about whether he did or didn't like you, whether any of what he said (or typed as a text or PM) was genuine, whether .... etc

he's a time-waster.

Block him on everything. Move on quickly and forget he existed.

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