I feel extremely played (need advice)

[Jakielove]

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

By realising that there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about. You’re not the one who’s behaved like a cunt.

You suspect what would continue?

'I'd never show up at your work'
... ... bet he's the sort of person who also says 'I'd never hit a woman'. Sane people don't need to say shit like that, because it's a given. So if they're saying it, it's because they definately WOULD do it.

Like, 'I'd never brutally murder you. I'm a nice guy. Honest'. Yeah, right 🤪 crazy fucker alert.

The creep contacted you via another phone when blocked! Nutter. Then he also said he'd leave you alone, and, hasn't. He doesn't give a fuck about your boundaries. He's actively bulldozing them.

Honestly though op he was engaging in textbook love bombing before this too. You need to be more careful in future. Read up on red flags more.

I’m pretty sure he’s done though last time he called I told him off and called him all sorts of crazy and he said he didn’t want to ever talk to me again after what I said.

so I ran him off

Remember it's him not you. You're a decent good person. You just unfortunately met one of the ones who isn't. This happens in dating, it's a numbers game. Don't invest too much in anyone before you meet. So a few texts to establish a brief connection and then meet for a coffee. 20 /30mins and pre arrange something else to do after so you have to go. If after the coffee you think he's worth meeting again then you can start texting etc.

Time, and learn from it. Which you are.

Nice people who've not come across the crazy before often aren't prepared for it and it takes a bit of time to see it for what it is. You learn, and the sting passes in time, and after a year or three you look back and think 'wow, lucky escape'

You've done the right things actually. You realised something was off, even though you haven't come across this before. This sort of guy is practised at what he does, pulling at the heart strings, setting you up with an expectation/disappointment pattern. You had the sense to ask advice and an outside perspective.

Ignore the contrary gits who think you were playing along with him, the first time you come across a player like this, it takes a normal person time to adjust. Normal people's patterns of politeness and genuine concern are weopons in the manipulative person's hands, but it takes a while to a normal person to realise what's going on.

Exactly the only reason why I talked to him for so long was because of his circumstances tbh especially since we were talking for a week before his parent was hospitalized. I felt like we already had this great dialogue. I did tell him that maybe he should focus on on his parent. He tried to go out with me when his parent was hospitalized I agreed and the plans didn’t work out, so at that point I should have just walked away which I did. Yet he started calling me sending paragraphs apologizing. I felt bad because of what he was going through so I stayed and things kept getting worse in his personal life. Yet he was making time to talk to me for hours on the phone throughout the day but didn’t see me yet because he wanted to make sure he didn’t have any “family distractions”.

there was a point where I put two and two together and woke the hell up and seen everything for what it was and now where here lol. I’m not sure what’s wrong with him? No I didn’t stop dating etc I went out with a man last Monday and had a fabulous time. I still am upset that I wasted almost two months giving someone my time that didn’t deserve it.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with him?

Hard to say, but I think 'game player' sums it up. Whether it's because he gets off on jerking people around or whether it's because he's got some deep pull/push towards having a relationship/not having one or whether he's a woman-hater, who knows.

I've been around the internet a long time and a number of the things you say about the 'death' of his mother sound slightly slippery. Could be real, but I wonder. If you discount what he -said-, is there any outside objective evidence of her death?

Why lie about something like that though? If you don’t want to meet someone then don’t meet them and end things.

Because "I have to do something with my wife" doesn't have the same ring to it.

This dude is fake. Keep blocking all the numbers he is contacting you. Eventually he will stop.

Update I got three missed calles last night back to back on no caller ID? They left a voicemail and it was a woman saying “I can’t breath, babe tell her it was me”. It sounded like a crying woman, the voicemail ended with her saying “oops” and then it hung up?

keep in mind he hasn’t called me since last week? I’m not saying it’s him but he’s the only person that has been calling me from no caller ID cause he’s blocked. Who else is calling me on no caller ID? It’s never happened to me before. The calls were at 8:31 8:40 8:53

probably playing some silly game. Ignore, block, delete

Do you think it’s him ?

Very likely. I'd ignore any calls from withheld numbers.

who knows.. but you know what you need to do.. don't engage and get caught up in more drama

I did I didn’t answer any of them. Why keep messing with me tho

I'd say it's possible it was simply three mistaken numbers. The woman speaking sounds very odd if it was him.

it's not quite impossible, some people's thought processes are convoluted and frankly unwell, but unless there are further odd things happening then it seems more likely to be a coincidence.

I hope you can have a relaxing Christmas after all this unpleasant nonsense!

Why would they call me on no caller ID tho ? Wouldn’t it be from a regular number?

Nobody knows, but you are going to drive yourself crazy analysing it.

Because he thinks it’s funny to mess with your head. Don’t let him. Walk on by, from now on it’s all about you

Happy Christmas

Just leave it, it doesn't matter, it's done. If it is him, he could be doing it for a reaction. But you don't know for sure it is!

Doesn't matter why he does it, have better standards and don't give it headspace. You are finding it hard to move on because he sucked you in for 2 months, you let him do that though, so a better question is why you did? A sob story is just that, a story, likely fake, you fell for it.
Next time someone gives you a sob story, just say " aw, that's awful, but in that case, I don't think now is the time for you to be looking for a relationship, so I'll leave you to it". Nips it in the bud, but in a nice way, even if there's an outside chance of some truth in it.
Now you've learnt the hard way, the longer you chat, the harder it is to let go. So chat no longer that 2 weeks before meeting, that way you waste less time.

Why are you continuing to give this headspace and keep the drama ongoing?

He’s almost certainly a catfish, the person you thought you were talking to doesn’t exist.

You got sucked in by a scammer, a fake. Rather than winded why ‘he’ does anything, use your time and energy to understand why you allowed yourself to fall for this nonsense.

Don’t engage, don’t respond, delete VM’s without listening. Just block, ignore, stop keeping the drama alive in your own head.