I feel extremely played (need advice)

[Jakielove]

So I’ve been talking to this man for almost two months constantly all the time with out meeting him. Ft calls lots of texts etc. Now I know this is wild but …. I let some things slide. So in the beginning of us talking he had a date planned unexpectedly his parent went into cardiac arrest the day before our date. He texted me right away, yet still wanted to see me later that day ? I declined because “take care of your family, and we’ll reschedule”.

A couple weeks go by and we’re still talking his parent is still in the hospital he scheduled something else and gave me a set time. The day comes and he’s slow with his replies, he claimed that he was at the hospital still helping his parent. I just told him no worries “it’s getting late don’t worry about our date today” About two hours after the original time that we were supposed to meet he started blowing up my phone insisting that I still meet him ? Keep in mind it’s like 8:30pm so I declined. We continued to still talk. His parent did end up passing a few weeks ago he texted me and told me and I sent my condolences. He still wanted to make things work with me and still talk etc.

He’s been out a few times to bars and with friends so I asked him why he hasn’t seen me yet ? We planned a set day which was yesterday. He sent me this excuse saying his barber canceled on him so he didn’t want to be seen in public without a hair cut ? I told him it was either today or I was going to walk away because I’m not going to keep wasting my time. He said he could see me at 6:30 sharp. The time comes and he’s dead silent, I gave it until 7pm So I decided to block him. He has been calling me from private numbers since last night ? Also texting me from fake accounts. I’m not sure what he wants, yet I’m not going to keep getting toyed with.

I’ve never talked to a man this long without out meeting him, the only reason why I made an exception was because of his family circumstances. Yet things aren’t adding up and I don’t think he was ever truly going to meet me. I feel stupid and played with. He also knows where I work ? I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid but ? Idk it’s weird.

he sent me a 4 min voicemail telling me to unblock him and how I’m not the kinda man he needs to block. How he was on his way to come and meet me that day. He also said he wanted to pull up to my job but he felt like that would be weird.

The person is real my cousins know and went to school with him.

There are quite a few reasons why someone like him gets the way he is, but his thought patterns and behaviours are not healthy. Over thinking this is not constructive.

In fact, what goes on in other people's heads is actually not really your business. Once you realise that, it's quite powerfully helpful to stop getting sucked into overanalysing.

It takes a bit of time to get over a pissartist like this, but it's sensible to keep your feet on the ground and realise his behaviour really is his problem not yours.

I just want to be left alone… if it is him I’m not sure why someone would waste their time on this tbh. It’s weird and I’ve never met a man like this ever. I went on a date two days ago and it took the man 3 days of talking to meet up, simple. Come to find out they are instagram friends on social media

So that you'd answer out of curiosity.
This is the shit they do.

It sounds like he was strangling his wife though?!
Do you know where he lives? I'd ask the police to do a welfare check as there might be a woman in danger there. Maybe tell them the scenario and let them decide if they should check.

Coincidence?

If not, mention it on your next date (if you want to see him again). Tell him the guy is nuts and see how he reacts. Chances are he'll say 'oh that guy, I don't know him well'.

I'm assuming they aren't the same person. I can't remember reading if you ever actually met Mr Crazypants? Is it possible he could be this guy and the reason he never met you is that he was catfishing with a different picture. Unlikely, but, the world is full of nutcases. Was crazy guy really good looking?

Maybe be on your guard for similar mannerisms, turns of phrases and behaviours off of this guy, just incase.

Probably just Coincidence. Especially if you live in a small town or he had lots of insta friends.

...did your cousins tell you that? How did it come to pass that they told you. I mean, did you go 'hey, you guys went to nevermore hishchool, do you know a John Smith?' Or...did thry go 'I see you've added John Smith on Instagram. We know him'.

There was a netflix show recently where a girl was catfished by her cousin for years, where they pretended to be a man. All sorts if last minute cancellation and ridiclious excuses as to why they couldn't meet.

Could your cousins be pranking you?
Also, possible the real person exists but, that us not him, but some else impersonating him.

So you do think it’s him ? That’s scary

I didn’t mention it to him but I do live in a small town and everyone who played sports kinda knows each other. No that’s not him at all this man and him are separate individuals. I’m 10000 percent positive.

My cousins are pretty well known Where I live so I asked them. Plus we’re all the same age. One of my cousins said that they went to school together. I actually brought up my cousins when I used to talk to him and he knew both of my cousins vise versa. My one cousin did tell me to leave him alone and that he’s involved in some bad stuff. My cousin wouldn’t go into depth about what “bad stuff”. Yet he told me to stay away from him.

Well I mean I don't know your life. Is there anyone else who would prank call you?

He's a creepy bloke so I wouldn't be surprised.

I would not see the 'Instagram friend' of his again - it's a well-known sociopath thing, to then get their friends to date you. Plus, No Contact means NC with anyone who is involved with them, when they are this sort of stalker type.

The phone calls probably were him - and he does it to get kicks from knowing he is in your head. Everything is about attention and control. So don't let him get either. Whenever you find yourself dwelling on it, tell yourself that the second he does something that is obvously him, you will report to the Police.

Keep a record of everything though, even the stuff you are unsure about.

Survivors of Sociopaths (named that, has 3.2k members, just so you can be sure you have the right one) on Facebook is a private group where there are lots of people who have been stalked and/or catfished (@Pinkbonbon is correct, this reeks of catfishing too), and they will understand what you are going through, more so than a general board like this. When you haven't experienced it, it is hard to understand it, and to understand the mental processes involved when you have been taken in by someone like this.

I did wonder if he got a pal to date you but tbh I think (although they do use other people to get to their victims) that might be a stretch. I can't think of many men who would agree to go on a date with someone because their pal said a person blocked them. I think if it had been that, he would have been a no show (hung about filming you and laughing nearby maybe).

As it sounds like it was just a normal date and you mentioned it being a small town where everyone knows everyone I'm hoping it was just coincidence.

Though I agree with pp in that I probably wouldn't see the guy again. Just incase. And any other further weird incidents - police asap.

Yeah the date was nice but ended kind of weird. We ended up grabbing drinks and sat and talked for 3 hours. Lots of eye contact and laughs, kinda took him a minute to warm up. Towards the end he made a comment about my hands and called them big ? Also kept touching and measuring them ? He told me him saying that is a compliment? Which isn’t, he kept asking me if I enjoyed my time with him.

He gave me a hug goodbye and told me he would text me when he got home. He did text me about 10 min after he left, telling me “how he had a good time and he wants to see me again “. Also told me we need to set the next date up soon. I agreed, he then proceeded to ask me wyd, I responded yet he didn’t reply, but instead called me at 2am on FaceTime ? Keep in mind this was all after our date.

I texted him that next day asking if he called me at 2am, he said “yes, I woke up from a nap and wanted to see if you were up “. I replied saying “2am is crazy”

after that he ghosted..

You don't have very much luck with the men you meet OP, ever thought of taking a break from them?

Seems like I never have luck with them. Maybe cause I meet most of them online ?

Yikes, another nutter.

Negging you about your hands.

Then pushing sane boundaries by calling you at 2am.

Block!

Unfortunately online seems to be the easiest way to meet people these days.

But 95% of people we meet aren't going to be suitable for us for some reason or other.

I think the bigger problem is your boundaries.

You say you told him 2am was crazy but personally I wpuld have read him the riot act then blocked him. Not left the door open for him to decide whether or not to contact you again.

Because you're right, it is crazy. So don't feel you need to give such behaviour second chances.

You gotta get tougher about throwing them back. One red fag or 2 yellow flags- chuck them back.

Totally agree with PP that you really need to stop saying until you’re learned to read red flags and firmed up your boundaries otherwise this will keep happening. You need to stop engaging with fuckwits who trample over social norms and block them at first signs of boundary pushing rather than just being wishy washy.

Anyone who tries to FaceTime at 2am after a first date should get told to fuck off and blocked not reasoned with.

Yeah I’m not sure what the whole point was???

The point was to test your boundaries to see if you would accept this sort of behaviour. Testing to see if you'd be suitable to enter into an abusive relationship.

Sweet Bobby. A podcast and also on Netflix. Watch it op. And the tinder swindler.

That is assuming he wasn't just drunk and being stupid. But if that were the case he would have apologised profusely the next day (and it still would not be excusable behaviour). Plus the whole negging you about hand size is standard asshole behaviour too. So yeah, typical asshole testing your boundaries behaviour.

Yeah it was weird I called him out on it

“did you call me at 2am “

him- yes wyd

me - why would you call me at 2am

him - I woke up from a nap and wanted to see if you were up

me - 2am is crazy

him.. ghosted no response

My friends that he possibly was trying to hook up with me and that’s why he texted me at 2am. He thought I was maybe down to go over his house after the date?

towards the end of the date he kept asking what I was going to do after ? He kept saying how he was going to go back home and just chill/sleep

This. Taking a break right now would be good, give yourself time to reset.

Ah that changes things then. If he was already trying to get you to go home with him on the date, it looks like it just continued. Eww, he's even more creepy then. I would have blocked him before I'd even got home tbh.