Am I over reacting- partner finished inside me

[MyRealBiscuit]

Bit of background, we conceived a child whilst I was using birth control so are now extra cautious and he doesn't finish inside me. He has demonstrated good control of this over 8.5 months of having regular sex but the other night he "got carried away" in his words... why do I feel so crap and out of control about it? Took the morning after pill which I was angry about as I've had it in the past and it really plays havoc with my hormones.

Best to use contraception if you don’t want to get pregnant and can’t trust your partner. You probably feel out of control because you are out of control. Take it back and you’ll feel more relaxed.

Contraception or vasectomy is the answer here

Well it's pretty obvious it was going to happen one day.

Maybe it's the not trusting that has got me feeling this way as that's a core ingredient to a relationship

I don't know. You know your own partners body and if it's something they'd find difficult. It was an extra precaution not the only precaution but obviously an agreement between us that was broken

Simple. “Hey DP. We will be using condoms from now on. I can’t risk you getting carried away again and getting pregnant again or needing to mess up my body with hormones.”

if he pushes “Well, unfortunately I can’t trust you to have control, and this is a risk I am no longer willing to take. We could consider other options like Vasectomy.”

Thank you for actual advice

What other method are you using? Realistically, chances are small if this is the your back up method.

You're already using birth control and you still expect him to reliably withdraw every single time?

Buy condoms.

He "got carried away" or he decided that his pleasure was more important than your consent?

Maybe you feel out of control because he took control of your body and choices. I would be very upset if this had happened to me.

he doesn't finish easily shall we say. I know him. He will usually tell me when he is about to and it's like 15-20 seconds after that when it actually happens (sorry for the detail but feel it's important as no body is the same so understand some of the judgements being made)

Why did you need to take the MAP if you are already on birth control?

Or if you aren’t, then pulling out isn’t being extra cautious!

I'm shocked at the replies on here. He doesn't get to override your consent and you shouldn't have had to use the morning after pill. It'd be a dealbreaker for me personally. If it's not for you, then using a barrier method would be the way forward

I conceived on the pill previously as said in my post. I've changed pill but worry still and it's an agreement between us so I feel less worried about it happening again. I was advised I could take the morning after pill still.

Thank you for being kind. It's a tough crowd. I've previously been a victim of SA and it's bought up old feelings for me so I just wanted opinions to see if I'm being irrational because of past experience. Not told what a condom is- i'm informed enough on that front :(

Get an implant. Most reliable contraception there is, 0.05% failure rate

To add I don’t think you are wrong to feel upset, you had a boundary that was crossed.

Taking the pill and MAP seems excessive though, it if both really are required then maybe some of the other options suggested would be better.

If you consented to sex with the condition that he would withdraw, and he reneged on that, you've been raped, OP.

It is indeed triggering, I am sure.

Some of the responses here are surprising.

@MyRealBiscuit I'm sorry your boyfriend disrespected your body autonomy and went against your consent. As far as I understand it, cumming inside a woman against her consent is classed as rape (please correct me if I'm wrong on this).

How is your relationship generally? Do you feel he treats you respectfully normally? Is this an annoyance you can get past, or a final straw moment?

He really needs to wear a condom or get a vasectomy instead of expecting you to take hormones to counteract his actions.

I think there's a bit to unpick here. If the agreement was he doesn't finish inside you, then that was a complete betrayal of your trust and I'd feel violated too. This is a separate issue to your other problem of not having faith in your pill, rendering it mentally useless (although it's doing its job biologically). It's not working as a form of contraception for you if you still feel he needs to pull out. So in that case, you need to decide what method on contraception you would trust, and try that instead.

I think the focus of my post was how valid my feelings are against an agreement being broken and not my choice of contraception x

You probably need to get a better understanding of consent...