Page 11 | Am I over reacting- partner finished inside me

MILLYmo0se · 15/12/2024 06:53

Buttercup198 · 14/12/2024 22:59

Pulling out isn't contraception that's on you both love

My ex husband raped me and yet the police done nothing

She isn't asking is it a reliable form of contraception or what the chances are of falling pregnant are though is she?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 15/12/2024 07:35

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Then don't say you are going to if you can't. Also if this is truly the case then why is the withdrawal method a so called method of contraception for so many?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 15/12/2024 07:39

renoleno · 15/12/2024 00:09

But pre-cum could have gotten you pregnant? Him leaking before coming fully could have gotten you pregnant? If he ejaculated previously (by masturbation) before entering you, it could get you pregnant. He could have pulled out on time and a few drops still entered you, and you get pregnant. Why wouldn't you just wear a condom which is the only way to control what sperm gets into you?

And OP's fella also has to deal with the consequences of her birth control pill failing. He could have thought she did it on purpose and lied to get pregnant or been careless about taking it, because what are the odds she's the 2% for whom birth control fails. Relationships need to have some degree of trust, and common sense or there's no point being in them, if everything is assumed with the worst intentions.

Edited

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My situation was nothing to do with getting pregnant. I already have a coil. There was a very good reason why I didn't want him to ejaculate where he was which I will not be going into on here. The point is I still said no, he said that's fine I won't, yet he did.

financialcareerstuff · 15/12/2024 10:04

My God, so many people seem incapable of comprehending simple stuff the OP has said- or are refusing to hear it.

OP doesn't need sex education. She is already on the pill and knows that this creates a small chance of her getting pregnant. She has therefore agreed an additional safeguard of withdrawal, because this reduces the chance even further, to a level that is tolerable for her!!!! She has never said it eradicates all risk. She didn't need your patronising crap telling her stuff she already knows or ordering her around about what choices she should be making. She is totally entitled to decide on pill plus withdrawal as supplying the level of protection she is happy with. For all we know, they didn't add a condom on top because he doesn't like sex with a condom and condoms don't completely irradiate risk either, so enough if the patronising, irrelevant lectures. Regardless, her contraception decision are none of our business and OP is not needing advice about her choices, because she is not complaining about getting pregnant.

She IS complaining about her partner overriding her sexual boundaries. Which leads to the second thing people refuse to hear:

Her partner did NOT lose control. She knows him and his body, and his reactions at the time made it clear. He consciously decided to think "fuck what she wants and what I have agreed to, I'm going to take what I want". ... and he went ahead and took it without her consent, knowing he was going to cum inside her and not telling her as he always does, and going ahead. He has proved himself over months and months to be perfectly capable of giving warning and pulling out. After, he did not say "oh my goodness I'm sorry that took me by surprise and came much quicker than I expected". He is a grown adult, with control over his orgasm, and he had an agreement with her, his trusting partner, about what kind of sex he could and could not have. He violated that. This has resulted in her feeling violated, completely understandably, and having her risk of pregnancy go beyond her tolerable level, so also needing to mess with her body further to take the morning after pill.

OP, I'm very sorry this has happened to you and also that there are so many numbskulls on this thread, who either want to lecture on birth control, when you are already being more cautious than most women, or who want to excuse men who override women's boundaries during sex.

No33 · 15/12/2024 10:36

The 1990s called, they would like their views on consent back.

Op Im so sorry he did this to you. Your post was very clear in what his intentions were 'got carried away' and it's not okay. You feel violated and that is more than valid. I hope you're okay ❤️

Jennyathemall · 15/12/2024 11:06

Just leaving this here.

Am I over reacting- partner finished inside me

whathaveiforgotten · 15/12/2024 12:14

Jennyathemall · 15/12/2024 11:06

Just leaving this here.

Bit of a dick move posting this on a thread started by an OP who is distressed about a sexual encounter, no?

EarthSight · 15/12/2024 12:47

There is something about his response and what you've written that leads me to think that this was a conscious transgression of your boundaries, and I have a suspicion that he's the type of person that doesn't think that removing a condom deliberately during sex isn't rape. Or, if he does think it's something that men shouldn't do, then he wouldn't regard it as seriously as he should.

Even if you don't want to, or don't class this as rape, or are confused about it, I say listen to your instinct.

Not all forms of abuse are to do with anger and deliberate cruelty or torture. It doesn't mean they spend their time angrily scheming about what to do to you.

Some abuse is just a form of extreme selfishness, lack of caring, ruthlessness and coldness. It can come from an unhealthy power dynamic, where a man has a casual attitude towards a woman's consent with an entitled attitude to her body. It's when men don't listen to women, don't take them seriously and things like this as 'just what men do'. Your sexual boundaries and minor inconveniences and something for them to decide on your behalf.

These are the type of horrible men who have unprotected sex with women on the assumption she'll be fine with having an abortion. They don't really care about her or her body or wellbeing. It's all fine, shit happens, no need to take it so seriously, and something she should be sorting out as a good little women for him.

It's important than women trust their partner 100% and that she trusts them to look after her when she's vulnerable or old. If the answer is 'no', 'sort of' or 'mostly', then reconsider your future with that man.

theallotmentqueen · 15/12/2024 13:09

MyRealBiscuit · 14/12/2024 20:48

Bit of background, we conceived a child whilst I was using birth control so are now extra cautious and he doesn't finish inside me. He has demonstrated good control of this over 8.5 months of having regular sex but the other night he "got carried away" in his words... why do I feel so crap and out of control about it? Took the morning after pill which I was angry about as I've had it in the past and it really plays havoc with my hormones.

I''m sorry to say that this is actually potential sexual assault, depending on how it all went down. Just to clarify: was it accidental? As in, he was feeling great so decided to continue and didn't pull out in time? Or was it intentional (as in, he knew he was about to come and decided to come inside of you)? If it's the former, it's a horrible and violating experience but not so much assault as a horrible accident. However, I'm unfortunately inclined to believe that it's the latter, due to his reaction (if he took your consent seriously he would have been horrified at coming inside of you if it was an accident. The fact that he's acting like it doesn't matter suggests he doesn't think your consent matters). In that context, it would be assault because

He knows that you don't want him to come inside of you
He came inside of you anyway, on purpose.

This breaks a key consent rule, which is 'specific' consent. For example, if I consent to kissing someone that doesn't mean I consent to them touching my breast - they would have to ask to do that. Likewise, you consented to sex with him on the basis that he would not come inside of you: he broke that, meaning that the sex wasn't consensual.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

Whippetlovely · 15/12/2024 13:12

financialcareerstuff · 15/12/2024 10:04

My God, so many people seem incapable of comprehending simple stuff the OP has said- or are refusing to hear it.

OP doesn't need sex education. She is already on the pill and knows that this creates a small chance of her getting pregnant. She has therefore agreed an additional safeguard of withdrawal, because this reduces the chance even further, to a level that is tolerable for her!!!! She has never said it eradicates all risk. She didn't need your patronising crap telling her stuff she already knows or ordering her around about what choices she should be making. She is totally entitled to decide on pill plus withdrawal as supplying the level of protection she is happy with. For all we know, they didn't add a condom on top because he doesn't like sex with a condom and condoms don't completely irradiate risk either, so enough if the patronising, irrelevant lectures. Regardless, her contraception decision are none of our business and OP is not needing advice about her choices, because she is not complaining about getting pregnant.

She IS complaining about her partner overriding her sexual boundaries. Which leads to the second thing people refuse to hear:

Her partner did NOT lose control. She knows him and his body, and his reactions at the time made it clear. He consciously decided to think "fuck what she wants and what I have agreed to, I'm going to take what I want". ... and he went ahead and took it without her consent, knowing he was going to cum inside her and not telling her as he always does, and going ahead. He has proved himself over months and months to be perfectly capable of giving warning and pulling out. After, he did not say "oh my goodness I'm sorry that took me by surprise and came much quicker than I expected". He is a grown adult, with control over his orgasm, and he had an agreement with her, his trusting partner, about what kind of sex he could and could not have. He violated that. This has resulted in her feeling violated, completely understandably, and having her risk of pregnancy go beyond her tolerable level, so also needing to mess with her body further to take the morning after pill.

OP, I'm very sorry this has happened to you and also that there are so many numbskulls on this thread, who either want to lecture on birth control, when you are already being more cautious than most women, or who want to excuse men who override women's boundaries during sex.

Were you in the room with the two of them at the time??? This thread is quite ridiculous people talking about neurodivisity and rape. For goodness sake. The pair of them are stupid to make such an agreement and think it's going to work 100percent of the time. Why do you think catholic family's are tend to be larger because they use this method and it fails.

ThisIsSockward · 15/12/2024 13:19

You'll never be able to know if he could or couldn't have stopped it from happening. The possibility that he placed his pleasure over your wishes will continue to niggle at the back of your mind until you find a way past it—or end the relationship, if you decide you no longer trust him.

Either way, I wouldn't count on this current set-up for a permanent solution, since there are other alternatives that won't leave you at the mercy of his level of self-control, whether it's a physical inability to stop himself or disregard for your wishes.