Am I over reacting- partner finished inside me

[MyRealBiscuit]

Bit of background, we conceived a child whilst I was using birth control so are now extra cautious and he doesn't finish inside me. He has demonstrated good control of this over 8.5 months of having regular sex but the other night he "got carried away" in his words... why do I feel so crap and out of control about it? Took the morning after pill which I was angry about as I've had it in the past and it really plays havoc with my hormones.

Op, I understand your fears.
If this was a one off because he's been so good over this last lot of months, do you think if you had a word he wouldn't do it again?
If you feel he might get carried away again, which we all do, maybe ask him to wear a condom? Xx

He generally is intelligent and capable so it was a surprise it happened, and he didn't act surprised so must have had some warning. Instinctively just went to the black and white solution of me taking a morning after pill if I was worried and not seeing how breaking our rule could make me feel

I think (reliable) contraception is your answer...unless you don't mind falling pregnant

@MyRealBiscuit well that's incredibly selfish on his part then. Oozes entitlement on his part and a total lack of giving a shit over the effects on your body on having to take the MAP. I'd be seething.

For those making shitty comments about the rape comment:

Taken from a BBC article about a case (not identical circumstances, but I've highlighted judges comments):

Definition of rape
Judges were told that the man had "ejaculated before she could say or do anything about it", and she had become pregnant.
Lord Judge, Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales, Mr Justice Fulford and Mr Justice Sweeney at a High Court hearing in London, added: "She was deprived of choice relating to the crucial feature on which her original consent to sexual intercourse was based.
"Accordingly her consent was negated.
"Contrary to her wishes, and knowing that she would not have consented, and did not consent to penetration or the continuation of penetration if she had any inkling of his intention, he deliberately ejaculated within her vagina.
"In law, this combination of circumstances falls within the statutory definition of rape."

Sex consent could still lead to rape charge, judges say - BBC News

There is a judge in the land, look at the link above...

@Bananadana let's hope you're not male because you sound like an uneducated liability...

I've been in the sane situation on that I had contraception fail and also the morning after pill, still PG.

I've only ever used 2 methods of contraception since.

So get your contraception sorted and DP is to use a condom as well.

I found that a bit strange as well.

I'm highlighting that it's not as black and white as you are claiming.

It's not strange, women can and do fall pregnant even being on one method of birth control and even after still taking the MAP.

It's being extra cautious.

The OP has already said she fell pregnant on birth control.

I always used condoms as well as the pill when I was younger.

It’s not right and he shouldn’t have done that.

As a separate issue though, didn’t you attend sex education at school?? You must know that there’s a small chance of pregnancy even if the man doesn’t ejaculate as there can be some sperm in the pre-cum. You’re playing with fire here OP. One or both of you needs to sort contraception and, if it were me, I’d rather be the one in charge 🤷‍♀️

Ah Christ. My and OH have used pull out for our entire relationship. He has never ONCE ‘lost control’ inside of me. The reason you feel icky about it is because he performed a sexual act that you did not consent to. It’s assault. I’m sorry OP.

Please read the post!! The OP IS on birth control, but previously fell pregnant on birth control. It's very clearly written in the post.

The issue here is he thinks the problem is the possibility of you getting pregnant, and while there is that the problem is actually that he didn't stick to the agreement by which you were agreeing to have sex with him, he doesn't get to changes the rules without a conversation.
Having said that I think the situation was always going to happen using this method, but now he's proven that condoms have to be used

I think thd dituation is serious and one of broken trust. But I also want to point out that there can be viable sperm in the mix prior to ejaculation.

Part of the issue is avoiding pregnancy so you do have to double and triple up on contraception and anything that is not reliable (like withdrawal) or depends on perfect behavior in the moment (like withdrawal) should not be used regularly. It is bound to fail eventually.

In this case the failure mode didn’t just risk pregnancy but called into question how honorable snd trustworthy your partner is. For him its no big deal—your agreement, your pregnancy risk, your experience of loss of autonomy, is not significant while his loss of pleasure is paramount. For you the opposite is true. This incident shows the fault line between the two of you. Not sure how you come back from that.

My contraception choices aren't the issue I need advice on. I just for some reason felt I needed to justify I wasn't only using a pull out method, but even if I was- that'd be my choice. My feelings on if I'm right or wrong for feeling upset that our rule was broken is the main query

I think you need a LARC

Pulling out isn’t contraception

It is your choice to have babies. YOU CHOOSE

I chose not to, so even on the pill and then the coil. I made my partner ( 35 years together now so it never killed him ) wear a condom

I have always drummed this into my step children and now my grandchildren, its up to you to decide if you are bringing children into the world and if you dont want to , protect yourself with everything thats available

There is birth control out there that covers near on every eventuallity. Its a joint responsibility You didnt want another child, ensure you dont Take some responsibility

I don't let my DH near me without a condom on and I'm on the pill. We are done having kids and I know I wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion so double protection it is. If he had a problem with that then it's either vasectomy or abstinence.

If you believe he didn't lose control and ejaculated inside you on purpose then you don't trust him and that is a bigger issue than what contraception you do or don't use. If it's purely to avoid pregnancy then you can still become pregnant even if he pulls out due to pre-cum. You need to think about why you're upset, is it the thought of it being an intentional act? Do you think he wants you to become pregnant? If this happened to me we would laugh it off as a one-time mistake & getting caught up in the moment & I'd take the MAP. I can't imagine thinking it was rape or anything of the sort. You feel how you feel & nothing can change that.

I think the issue is that it's probably what your partner has latched onto too - the pill is very effective so he's decided it's ok to ejaculate inside you as the risk of you getting pregnant is minimal. And while that is true, the big issue is that this isn't what was agreed. So yes, you've been assaulted and of course feel horrible about it. But the contraception is relevant because it's probably why he's stupidly thought this was ok.

@MyRealBiscuit this all sounds very emotional and difficult for you after the last 8 months

was there a technical reason the pill hasn’t worked for you previously? Missing a pill, vomiting?

a long term, maybe permanent solution might work for either or both of you, if no other children are wanted?

hope you’re ok