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Original poster

Shocked at the way my dad's just treated my son.

147 replies

Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 15:53

Sorry I wrote another post about being ghosted and now something totally separate has happened.

My sons almost 7. Very energetic. On the go. Full of questions and needs alot of stimulation and patience. He can be annoying. He can get moody. But he is also a lovely Child.
My parents have always been very short fused with the kids. My first child was shy and got a hard time about that. I felt constantly attacked when I went around. So I massively cut back visiting.
Whenever I take both children there which is incredibly rare it's a nightmare. They are bored. There's not much to do. My dad doesn't like noise or energetic play. Playing hide and seek or running about in general annoys him. Crumbs annoy him. They never play with the kids. Their effort is small and sometimes my dad will give them an ice cream or have a little more patience.

Today we went out with my sister and niece. Picked up some nibbles and arranged to go to see My parents at lunch time ish. We got there at 1.30. My son started getting nervous as My dad had shouted at him last time for snatching the remote of his sister and it dropped onto the carpet. He did this worrying his sister was going to put something scary on. So he was worried. He hid behind me and went all shy. Wouldn't speak. My dad said the following

"I get sick of him. He's a fucking idiot. Never met a child like it"

He then stormed into the other room where he stayed. My daughter went to the toilet and twice my son walked to the hallway to talk to her. My dad went into the hall and said

"Get in there and bluddy shut up"

At this stage I stood up and said I am actually going to leave now mum and I won't be bringing him back again. We left. My son asked me why my dad hates him with tears in his eyes and said various stuff that showed me he is really upset.

I am upset. My dad hates my little boy.

What would you honestly do. Christmas is coming up and now it's all ruined. I can't go see them.

OP posts:
mikado1 · 14/12/2024 15:55

I'd stay well away from them. That is nowhere in the realm of normal. I'm very sorry.

UndeniablyGenX · 14/12/2024 15:56

I think you should keep your DS away from your father. Your DS doesn't need that kind of toxic influence in his life.

Candlesandmatches · 14/12/2024 15:56

That’s just awful.
Id take a break. Show your son he can be around people that love him.
Id reassure your son that you love him. That grandpa was rude and that’s not right.

autumnbake · 14/12/2024 15:59

Your dad is an awful horrible nasty man. Your poor son.

Original poster
Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 15:59

It is horrible isn't it. It was such a horrible reaction to a small child. I am so angry and don't know how I feel at all towards the future now. No idea where to go from here. I felt bad for my mum. Its a shit show with Christmas. Can't see how presents etc can be done now.

OP posts:
CatVapour · 14/12/2024 15:59

Just because he’s family doesn’t mean he’s healthy to be around. He must have been unpleasant for you to be around growing up as well. Well unpleasant is putting it mildly…he sounds like a miserable man.

ThaTrìCaitAgam · 14/12/2024 16:01

Stay away from him.

Christmas isn’t ruined, it’s saved! Have a very nice and quiet time with your children. That’ll be far more relaxing and enjoyable for your family, I reckon.

Original poster
Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 16:03

I've always found him a protective dad that cares. Have a nice relationship with him now. Found him grumpy as a child and as an adult I do find his moods make me feel weird. I dont really like going round. He said to my daughter sorry your brother ruined everything too. It was not him that ruined it at all. My mum was disgusted but couldn't say nothing. My sister also didn't agree with it. So we all blamed my dad.

OP posts:
BubblePerm · 14/12/2024 16:03

Christmas isn't ruined. By standing up for your boy, you've made sure he will have a good Christmas with you and your little family with everyone who loves him. You've made Christmas better, not worse.
Ask yourself what's the point of being on edge with anyone who makes your boy and you feel like that. There's no good in it. It's just a shock because you've lanced the boil.
You've done a good thing. You are in the right and have shown your love for your own family.

wheretoyougonow · 14/12/2024 16:05

I think you need to take the guilt away about Christmas. Of course you don't want to expose your children to an angry man who swears at them and calls them names.

You need to protect your own little family. Your parents are not adding to your life. We often carry guilt around 'family' but often it's only one way as you don't find your parents worrying that they've upset to you/your children.

CatVapour · 14/12/2024 16:05

Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 16:03

I've always found him a protective dad that cares. Have a nice relationship with him now. Found him grumpy as a child and as an adult I do find his moods make me feel weird. I dont really like going round. He said to my daughter sorry your brother ruined everything too. It was not him that ruined it at all. My mum was disgusted but couldn't say nothing. My sister also didn't agree with it. So we all blamed my dad.

So your dad feels threatened by other males apparently? Even when they are little boys?

bsby · 14/12/2024 16:06

i wouldn't go back there, what a disrespect. a grandad treating his grandson like that is really really sad. and if you ever take him again you will put ur child suffering because he clearly doesn't feel welcome there. people think just because they're young they can treat them like crap but they forget the kids are humans as well and have feelings.. If my father treated my son like that i even assume that my partner would step up and say something to protect the kid, as for sure even if he wasn't there i would let him know about the situation.

YorkshireLawyer · 14/12/2024 16:09

Never see the fucker again is what I’d do. I’m sorry, I know he’s your dad, but who speaks to or
about a child like that? Your son will always remember what you do next. I’m
really sorry this is happening to you.

asthecrowdwaschantingmore · 14/12/2024 16:10

Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 16:03

I've always found him a protective dad that cares. Have a nice relationship with him now. Found him grumpy as a child and as an adult I do find his moods make me feel weird. I dont really like going round. He said to my daughter sorry your brother ruined everything too. It was not him that ruined it at all. My mum was disgusted but couldn't say nothing. My sister also didn't agree with it. So we all blamed my dad.

No your mum could have said something. She chose not to.

It's her home, too, and she stands by and watches her husband, your dad, bully and verbally abuse your children without a word. That's beyond disgusting.

You are making the right decision to not go back there with your children. I'd make it clear to your mum that she's on her own with him (your dad) and good luck to her.

Worf · 14/12/2024 16:13

I could have written this word for word
Big hugs

Wendolino · 14/12/2024 16:13

My FIL started to be horrible to his eldest grandson, my nephew. Snapping at him for the slightest thing. We now think it was the early stages of the dementia he was diagnosed with a couple of years later.

WinterIsNearlyHere · 14/12/2024 16:15

Actually, I'm surprised you didn't pull your dad up on his behaviour. I would have.
Yes I would have left too but not before telling him how dare he talk like that to my child. Your son needs to see your standing up for him.
You should be telling your parents that they will not be seeing you for xmas unless your dad's behaviour changes.

Craftycorvid · 14/12/2024 16:16

Well, you tell your son that grandad is clearly not very happy and most likely doesn’t like himself very much. That people who are not very happy/don’t much like themselves don’t have much to give others - it’s not your son’t fault, grandad doesn’t ‘hate’ him, (is just miserable and bad tempered). It’s not remotely acceptable to swear at a child and speak to them with clear contempt. You’d be on edge if spending any time at your parents’ house with your children, so withdrawing visits is perfectly reasonable. Could your mum come and see the grandchildren on her own?

AmethystMist · 14/12/2024 16:16

Tell your son you're sorry his grandad is such a horrible bastard and you won't be going back there again.

He's made his bed. If your mum wants she can visit you over Christmas, without him.

graceinspace999 · 14/12/2024 16:16

Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 15:59

It is horrible isn't it. It was such a horrible reaction to a small child. I am so angry and don't know how I feel at all towards the future now. No idea where to go from here. I felt bad for my mum. Its a shit show with Christmas. Can't see how presents etc can be done now.

Can you arrange to meet your mum for lunch? She might be glad to be away from your dad.

Your Dad is someone who is not safe with children.

Behindthethymes · 14/12/2024 16:18

Is this unusual, or has this type of behaviour been sharply escalating? There could be some cognitive degeneration at play?

Or is this typical of your dynamic? Why could your mother not say anything?

whatever the reasons are, don’t expose your ds to that.

WhatNoRaisins · 14/12/2024 16:19

I wouldn't put your poor DS through this again but I feel for you, I get wanting to be with family at Christmas. I'm sorry your parents aren't what you need them to be.

DowntonNabby · 14/12/2024 16:21

Stop visiting. Your son needs to be protected from your dad's bullying and abuse. Tell your mum she is welcome at your house any time but you will not be bringing your DC to see them at theirs because of how your dad treats your son. As for Xmas, the best present you can give your son is a sense of safety by keeping him away from your dad.

TangerinePlate · 14/12/2024 16:21

Cut the bastard off.

Save your son.

Imagine speaking to your father like that „I’m sick of you,you idiot. You’ve ruined everything”. Then point him in to the room and say „you bloody stay there”. Sounds ok to you? I don’t think so. Would you dare to speak to your father like that?Would you? If not then get yourself some counselling and explore why are you still seeking his approval.

Your mother could have said something but she chose not too. She’s fine with your father abusing your son because if she says anything she’s going to get it as well. She’s his enabler.

Get yourself some counselling son away from your vile father and weak mother. By denying and minimising what he heard and saw you’re gaslighting your son and you show him that he matters less than your parents. Parents always should have their children’s back. Show your son you do have his back.

Christmas is saved. Enjoy it with your kids.

As for your parents- words fail me.

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2024 16:21

Itwentwrongagain4 · 14/12/2024 15:59

It is horrible isn't it. It was such a horrible reaction to a small child. I am so angry and don't know how I feel at all towards the future now. No idea where to go from here. I felt bad for my mum. Its a shit show with Christmas. Can't see how presents etc can be done now.

Does your mother get treated the same way?

Did she stand up to him for your son?