Shocked at the way my dad's just treated my son.

[Itwentwrongagain4]

Sorry I wrote another post about being ghosted and now something totally separate has happened.

My sons almost 7. Very energetic. On the go. Full of questions and needs alot of stimulation and patience. He can be annoying. He can get moody. But he is also a lovely Child.
My parents have always been very short fused with the kids. My first child was shy and got a hard time about that. I felt constantly attacked when I went around. So I massively cut back visiting.
Whenever I take both children there which is incredibly rare it's a nightmare. They are bored. There's not much to do. My dad doesn't like noise or energetic play. Playing hide and seek or running about in general annoys him. Crumbs annoy him. They never play with the kids. Their effort is small and sometimes my dad will give them an ice cream or have a little more patience.

Today we went out with my sister and niece. Picked up some nibbles and arranged to go to see My parents at lunch time ish. We got there at 1.30. My son started getting nervous as My dad had shouted at him last time for snatching the remote of his sister and it dropped onto the carpet. He did this worrying his sister was going to put something scary on. So he was worried. He hid behind me and went all shy. Wouldn't speak. My dad said the following

"I get sick of him. He's a fucking idiot. Never met a child like it"

He then stormed into the other room where he stayed. My daughter went to the toilet and twice my son walked to the hallway to talk to her. My dad went into the hall and said

"Get in there and bluddy shut up"

At this stage I stood up and said I am actually going to leave now mum and I won't be bringing him back again. We left. My son asked me why my dad hates him with tears in his eyes and said various stuff that showed me he is really upset.

I am upset. My dad hates my little boy.

What would you honestly do. Christmas is coming up and now it's all ruined. I can't go see them.

Of course he shouldn't be talking like that to children. But your children don't sound very well behaved, stop visiting.,

Stop visiting with the children. Personally I would go around without children (perhaps with sister if she is supportive) and briefly explain you won’t be returning with the kids for the foreseeable & your dad’s behaviour towards your son is the reason why. I would explain to mum she is welcome to visit in your home or meet somewhere neutral. Let them know you are still available to talk, but you expect an apology - rather than cut off completely in case there are any health issues that come to light, means Mum can approach you.

Leaving was the right thing to do. Your dad's behaviour is totally abnormal and abusive.

But Christmas isn't ruined. You just don't see your dad.

Ever again.

Have a nice day with your own family.

Absolutely agree.
Protect your son and keep him away from your horrible dad

Stay away for the while. He needs you to validate his experience and show that you are on his side. This is awful. There is no excuse.

Then I think it very important they see a woman standing up to a male bully instead of keeping quiet and being meek.

Your mum and sister are also pretty crap to have not spoken up. Your poor boy, 3 adults who should have stood up for him all just ignored the situation.

Not sure why it's ruined your Xmas. Now you have a very good reason to not involve your father.

Came here to say this. Change of character, aggression, unreasonable. Talk to your mum about getting him a check up.

This is also true. It sounds like your children need more boundaries so maybe reflect on that. But still, it's not ok.

yes mine was the same, the only reason I wasn't hit and called names a lot is because when I was 2 I had a tantrum, well I started to, I stamped my feet, and he hit me so I stopped and never showed any anger/spirit ever again. A child in the street sitting on our wall didn't fare as well, he didn't shup up when my dad told him to so he belted him as he wasn't used to being disobeyed. My mum was more of a screamer and silent treatment giver so between them that made me a very well behaved child which they are very proud of.

I was thinking this too.

If someone spoke to my child like that, they wouldn't see them again.

You need to protect your child from this man.

Is your dad intolerant of your niece when she visits? Did he play with you when you were a child? Have you spoken to your mum about his attitude towards your son?
Whatever the reasons for your dad’s behaviour, you have to stay away from him for the sake of your son’s wellbeing. This is a very scary and threatening situation for your son, that could seriously affect him. Your son is your priority, not your wider family. Be strong and do what you know is right.

I totally understand why you are upset OP
Enjoy Christmas with your lovely children. Let your parents be the next to initiate contact and I really hope your dad reflects on his appalling behaviour.
Take care, you are a lovely parent

Your Dad has been emotionally abusive to your children and probably you, your sister and Mum as you were growing up, you have learnt the rules of how to be around him, not to challenge him and keep the status quo. Your son hasn’t learnt that and as he isn’t shy, this is your dad’s abusive way of putting him in his place.

if this was my children I would go no contact with your Dad, is he protective or controlling? Your children have not choice about being exposed to this behaviour but you are able to stop it, and you need to before more damage is done

My dad had a tiny fuse, and any running about indoors, being loud , annoying or making a mess would really set him off as well.

My son spilled a glass of lemonade on their brand new expensive wool carpet , and that didn’t go down well.

I think as some people get older, their tolerance diminishes-

There are some visiting kids next door - hyped up and wild-
The noises through the wall are irritating - the high pitched yelling- when one’s own kids are past the noisy stage, it does become more wearing to be around.

It’s probably the disruption and noise he dislikes rather than your son per se.

I am so, so sorry. We don’t choose our families. Put your son first x

@Itwentwrongagain4 why do you say that your mother couldn’t say anything? Is she scared of your dad? He sounds monstrous to me. Your mother is enabling him though.

I would not have any contact with him at all going forward. Your priority has to be protecting your children.

This poor kid did absolutely nothing wrong this time. The grown adult did.

It was a shit day.

I don’t think Christmas is ruined. It sounds like you and your children will have a much better Christmas without seeing your Dad.

Even if, regardless of alway having been a grump, he is in the early stages of dementia, protecting your kids should be your 1st priority.
But tbh, he sounds like a bully, who nobody stands up to because of the way you've all been conditioned to tolerate his selfish, rotten attitude.

That's horrible for everyone and it's going to stick in DS' head. I'd make sure he 100% understands it's not his fault what happened. If you haven't already, I'd consider telling him Grandad is old and grumpy and a bit unwell and so doesn't like any noise at all and takes it out on others. Because children are noisy, he yells at them and says mean things that are not true but it is Grandad's problem and not DS' fault at all because people are allowed to be a little noisy.

I too think children need to be well behaved when visiting other people’s houses - even grandparents.

Screeching and running around, making a mess would irritate many people.

Three children together can be wild and it’s up to the parents to manage them if they see the hosts getting annoyed.

Too often kids are allowed to run riot in other people’s houses.

Wait did you take him inside and stay a while after he'd initially said your son was a fucking idiot?

It takes a lot to admit and recognise this OP and reflects what an amazing mother you are to your lovely DC each with different personalities.

Id personally stay well away from him if he’s going to treat your lovely DS so horribly

@oakleaffy he wasn't doing that though was he?? He hid behind his mother and was told he's a fucking idiot and that he's sick of him.
That's ok behaviour is it?