He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

You need to make a plan as to where you're going to go, and bringing the kids there with you.

Believe it or not but I knew this was going on about a year now but I think I didn’t wanna believe it.

I have nowhere go but I will need to plan this carefully as he’s very on the ball with finances

You are worth so much more than this. Please seek legal advice and Father all your evidence of his infidelity.

Doesn't matter if the house is in his name if you're married with his children.

Get legal advice before you let on you know he's a lying cheating scumbag so you know where you stand legally and financially when you end it.

I know exactly what will happen! He will twist this on me and say I’m sick and that I’ve broken the family and the kids are going to hate me for this. He will play the victim and I will end up apologising for putting him through this

Don't just up and leave.

You need to plan this. Christmas will be difficult for you but don't tip your hand.

Go and see a solicitor. Learn your rights. Learn about child support. Learn your options wrt the house.

Keep up the snapchat game in the meanwhile. Don't confront him until you've seen a solicitor.

I feel ashamed as if you all knew what I’ve put up with you all going say I’m crazy and a mug

OP I agree if he’s abusive ring Women’s Aid when you’re alone for advice. Also order yourself an STI test, if he’s sleeping around he could have passed something on. If you safely can, get evidence of bank accounts, pension etc but don’t do that if it poses risks to yourself. Find a reputable family law solicitor and ask for an initial consultation (most offer the first 30 mins free). Have you got a friend or close family member you can confide in who could help you?

He will play the victim and I will end up apologising for putting him through this

You're going to apologise???

Another shit man. It’s so depressing.

OP you deserve better than this. Stay calm. Keep your head and plan. You are several steps ahead of him so play your cards very close to your chest. Don’t give him any indication you know. Knowing while he is oblivious is a much more powerful position than once he knows and he starts to try to control and manipulate you.

You will come out if this stronger. Have you got anyone IRL you can talk to who will be calm, sensible and will keep it confidential? If not get a counsellor.

Go see a solicitor asap and find out how you stand. He's a cheater and certainly not dinting you want to be either ( assume). But I wouldn't do anything like confirm him til you know your rights.

I know the type. Look up Dr Ramani on You Tube and get listening whenever he’s not around.

So? If you know he'll do that then you've only got to refuse to accept it.

Please teach your children the right thing. Do not let them grow up believing that this is what they should do when faced with abuse, cheating and lies.

Every time you want to appease him, think of your children. That should be more than enough for you to stand up for them as well as yourself.

Keep strong for the weekend. Arrange a meeting etc, then 10 minutes after the arranged meeting time message him from Snapchat saying “I came, I saw you were Shaz’s husband so I left”

Then watch the fucker squirm as he worries if you’ve been told.

Just to keep the peace but I will not be doing this I’m just so hurt and angry after actually seeing the messages with my own eyes

I actually think it's better to get your ducks in a row on the quiet if I'm honest- you know what he's capable of -as I said below go through his drawers and wardrobe to see if anything being stashed, get copies of anything financial -wage slips, bank statements etc - you will really want to stick pins in his eyes but in the name of self preservation it's easier to concentrate on protecting yourself, get some legal advice with regard to house and other stuff - work out what you could have coming in - do you work etc? Know exactly what he earns etc -

Just to keep the peace but I will not be doing this I’m just so hurt and angry after actually seeing the messages with my own eyes

You're only keeping the peace for him. It's actually enabling him to treat you all like shit. Do not do this to yourself or your children.

Hold him accountable and get away from him as soon as..

He sent his picture straight away like he didn’t care getting caught I could have been anyone. Just shows he’s has no respect for me at all

You are not the first abused woman on here op I assure you. It sounds like you’ve slowly been ground down by your H as he’s taken away your independence and your voice. Dont let him manipulate you. Get some advice from womens aid. It’s a big task ahead but it’s possible. Just keep your head.
As you are coming down with a “cold” maybe you can suggest he sleeps in kids room seeing as he’s so “busy” next week. Also log out of mn when he’s around for your own safety x

Start your plan of action op. Otherwise you will just go round and round trying to figure out why he's doing what he's doing..that's a waste of time.
He's doing it because he chooses to.
Make the right choices for yourself.

Tell the solicitor you need an appointment to discuss divorce.

Married 20 years, husband cheating and generally an angry man. England / Wales (not sure about Scotland or NI) has no fault divorce so the reason for the divorce makes no difference.

You want to know if you have any rights to the marital home, if he will owe you child support, and in case the house will need to be sold, what proportion of the equity will go to you. After a long marriage, and especially if you have worked PT or reduced hours or been a sahm because the majority of childcare has fallen to you, you may be entitled to more than 50%. You need to ask too if you would need to buy him out in order to remain in the home.

I know for sure I deserve better and it’s not with this man! My heart breaks for the kids but I need to do what’s best and staying with him is the worse thing I can do! Taken me a long way to get here but I’m here and I’m terrified what’s going happen.

Take screen shots of the conversation on snap chat and when you feel like it, send them to him and say someone sent them to you to let you know he's a cheat.
Take his sorry ass to the cleaners.