Page 22 | He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

Stunnershaz · 2024-12-13T14:51:45+00:00

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed. I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault. last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2024 08:10

cjcghana · 13/12/2024 23:00

Something is feeling a bit off about this thread...

Report it then.

Cailin66 · 14/12/2024 08:11

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 18:06

I deleted his number as I know it from heart. It asked if it wants to allow contacts I said no. I checked it all on google before making the account

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Wow you are one smart lady. I wouldn’t have known to do that!

Localres · 14/12/2024 08:27

so you managed - despite saying earlier you didn’t know much about technology - to totally delete your previous and create a brand new enapchat account that has absolutely no connection to you or where you live whatsoever - and out of the 450 million (googled it) daily users he randomly chose your new account to message?

I really hate the idea that this is all made up because it’s very cynical of me, and it does a horrible disservice to you if it’s all true (and if it is then huge apologies) but that means really either

that’s the most extraordinary coincidence in history

or 2 he knows exactly who it is and is playing some dark mind game with you

NoSourDough2 · 14/12/2024 08:33

Localres · 14/12/2024 08:27

so you managed - despite saying earlier you didn’t know much about technology - to totally delete your previous and create a brand new enapchat account that has absolutely no connection to you or where you live whatsoever - and out of the 450 million (googled it) daily users he randomly chose your new account to message?

I really hate the idea that this is all made up because it’s very cynical of me, and it does a horrible disservice to you if it’s all true (and if it is then huge apologies) but that means really either

that’s the most extraordinary coincidence in history

or 2 he knows exactly who it is and is playing some dark mind game with you

I think Localres is right, this is very worrying indeed. He knows this is you OP! * *

ReginaTucker · 14/12/2024 08:36

NoSourDough2 · 14/12/2024 08:33

I think Localres is right, this is very worrying indeed. He knows this is you OP! * *

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I absolutely agree!!!
if he has your number saved OP - he will know it’s you on Snapchat!! (See my previous post!!)

Cailin66 · 14/12/2024 08:41

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 21:50

Ok terms of the iron, so basically I was ironing his shirts and he came downstairs in a foul mood. He started saying that my ironing wasn’t up to his standard and that he sick of the way I do the collars, I kept quiet as I knew he was in a mood and he come close and said why I was ignoring him. I told him I didn’t wanna argue and I will go over the shirts he didn’t like. He then started shouting saying why would I need do this if I did it right at beginning, I started crying which made him more mad and he got the iron to my arm. I still have a scar. I screamed in pain and he just hugged me and said say sorry and let’s drop it. So I apologised and that was end of that never spoken about it again x

YOU apologised. OMG he has you fully controlled.

CatJ21 · 14/12/2024 08:45

This is an abusive relationship whether or not there is cheating. You need to leave him for your own safety

AnnieFrancais · 14/12/2024 08:51

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 15:35

I’ve sent a message to him saying let’s meet up Monday. He told me last week he has a big meeting Monday so let’s see what he says

Make sure you take a photo of him there, so you have proof of him following through to show him (like he needs it explaining and proving!) that its not just online banter

Cailin66 · 14/12/2024 08:53

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 22:21

When I spoke to my mum she could tell in my voice something was up and she goes I’m been waiting for this phone call for a long time and I just dismissed it and said oh it’s nothing just wanted see you

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Your mother knows, and she knows him. Probably the only person who does apart from you. She will be your rock once you tell her the truth.

ALL the truth. You need to get all your ducks in a row financially and legally. But first you need to find out all his assets. His payslips may show where pensions or investments are going. Have you checked the joint bank accounts to see where money is going.

MullersCorner · 14/12/2024 08:54

Sorry, I might have missed something (reading this thread before my morning coffee!) but I don’t think deleting his number will make your snapchat “invisible” to him. He would have to delete your number, otherwise from what I can remember, it still shows as “in your contacts”.

Please be careful, OP.

SwerveCity · 14/12/2024 09:04

hope you’re ok OP. Whatever happens with this whole Snapchat thing, him cheating or not, you are in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Please leave.

Shiningout · 14/12/2024 09:21

I'm shocked you're playing these Snapchat games with a dangerous violent man op who has been violent over non issues. What's going to happen if he finds out it's you?? I don't understand why you're doing this and why some posters are encouraging you to carry on tricking him. Just focus on getting out of there.

GG1986 · 14/12/2024 09:25

Mymanyellow · 13/12/2024 14:54

Arrange to meet up with him. Give him the fright of his life.

I'd do this too!!

whathaveiforgotten · 14/12/2024 09:32

@GG1986

With a man who has repeatedly assaulted you, including burning you with an iron?

valentinka31 · 14/12/2024 09:43

ok, so... My opinion might shock some of you (argh help me).

This is your DH's sex life. This is his sexual character. This is how he gets by with having a platonic relationship with you. No sex with you. Home, kids, food, and I hope some kind of affection for you.

The opportunity and absolute 24/7 accessibility of online conversation and connection, that can so easily be taken to meeting up and having sex with a stranger, is just so available and so easy. He's found that out. He doesn't sound like this is the first time he's spoken to someone.

It's like free prostitution (for both women and men). You can have a sexual connection, conversation, meet ups if required. You can just have sex once or for a longer period of time. It doesn't have to be in person, it can be just in conversation and if required audio/video.

It IS horrendous because it means that any partner or spouse can pretty much have multiple sexual encounters outside the marriage and keep it secret.

The only benefit I can see is if someone doesn't meet up but just somehow gets their sexual source of love from this virtually, preferably without video or calls, and that means they can stay in a mutually sexless marriage but still be a good partner and parent in all other ways.

I am so very sorry, OP. If he's willing to go and meet a woman then that's not good at all. it's one thing talking, it's another thing meeting in real life.

Ideally, the talking wouldn't even happen.

I don't think you should confront him. It doesn't sound like he'd react well.

Do you want to just stay as you are, with your husband, marriage and home, and carry on as if this wasn't happening?

Or you get rid of him.

But getting rid of him, as you probably already have thought, is such a massive thing as then you and the kids are on your own.

I am afraid to say that you might be best just trying to leave it be. You know this now about him. It's a bit like a live version of porn I suppose. He's there for you and the kids but this is his sex life. I know that's not how it should be. It is all kinds of wrong. But it is how it is.

I am so sorry that your choices are all challenging. But for now I think I'd just give yourself a bit of time to come to terms with it, to let the shock die down, and not stir it up any more.

I'm sorry OP. Love and hugs to you. If it is any comfort, probably half the husbands (and possibly wives) on here are most likely secretly doing something more or less like this.

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/12/2024 09:57

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 22:28

I will have to make an excuse for her not come over as it will cause him stress and will take it out on me. I will message her to say I will visit her when he is out

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NO! Your mum comes over .
If he starts call them police.
Or at least keep a diary .
Contact women’s aid on Monday.

If your not going to have your mum over then go visit her Monday.
Have you to stay home all weekend with him because the king is back on his throne ?

PositivePorpoisePeople · 14/12/2024 09:59

GG1986 · 14/12/2024 09:25

I'd do this too!!

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This man has form for violence. Bad idea.

AnnieCoverack · 14/12/2024 10:01

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/12/2024 09:57

NO! Your mum comes over .
If he starts call them police.
Or at least keep a diary .
Contact women’s aid on Monday.

If your not going to have your mum over then go visit her Monday.
Have you to stay home all weekend with him because the king is back on his throne ?

Show quote history

Women’s Aid are 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they have a chat function.

PositivePorpoisePeople · 14/12/2024 10:01

valentinka31 · 14/12/2024 09:43

ok, so... My opinion might shock some of you (argh help me).

This is your DH's sex life. This is his sexual character. This is how he gets by with having a platonic relationship with you. No sex with you. Home, kids, food, and I hope some kind of affection for you.

The opportunity and absolute 24/7 accessibility of online conversation and connection, that can so easily be taken to meeting up and having sex with a stranger, is just so available and so easy. He's found that out. He doesn't sound like this is the first time he's spoken to someone.

It's like free prostitution (for both women and men). You can have a sexual connection, conversation, meet ups if required. You can just have sex once or for a longer period of time. It doesn't have to be in person, it can be just in conversation and if required audio/video.

It IS horrendous because it means that any partner or spouse can pretty much have multiple sexual encounters outside the marriage and keep it secret.

The only benefit I can see is if someone doesn't meet up but just somehow gets their sexual source of love from this virtually, preferably without video or calls, and that means they can stay in a mutually sexless marriage but still be a good partner and parent in all other ways.

I am so very sorry, OP. If he's willing to go and meet a woman then that's not good at all. it's one thing talking, it's another thing meeting in real life.

Ideally, the talking wouldn't even happen.

I don't think you should confront him. It doesn't sound like he'd react well.

Do you want to just stay as you are, with your husband, marriage and home, and carry on as if this wasn't happening?

Or you get rid of him.

But getting rid of him, as you probably already have thought, is such a massive thing as then you and the kids are on your own.

I am afraid to say that you might be best just trying to leave it be. You know this now about him. It's a bit like a live version of porn I suppose. He's there for you and the kids but this is his sex life. I know that's not how it should be. It is all kinds of wrong. But it is how it is.

I am so sorry that your choices are all challenging. But for now I think I'd just give yourself a bit of time to come to terms with it, to let the shock die down, and not stir it up any more.

I'm sorry OP. Love and hugs to you. If it is any comfort, probably half the husbands (and possibly wives) on here are most likely secretly doing something more or less like this.

READ THE OPS POSTS!!!

You have just encouraged a woman to stay with a man who is violent.

You go to the OPs posts and click ‘see all’ for future reference.

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/12/2024 10:01

valentinka31 · 14/12/2024 09:43

ok, so... My opinion might shock some of you (argh help me).

This is your DH's sex life. This is his sexual character. This is how he gets by with having a platonic relationship with you. No sex with you. Home, kids, food, and I hope some kind of affection for you.

The opportunity and absolute 24/7 accessibility of online conversation and connection, that can so easily be taken to meeting up and having sex with a stranger, is just so available and so easy. He's found that out. He doesn't sound like this is the first time he's spoken to someone.

It's like free prostitution (for both women and men). You can have a sexual connection, conversation, meet ups if required. You can just have sex once or for a longer period of time. It doesn't have to be in person, it can be just in conversation and if required audio/video.

It IS horrendous because it means that any partner or spouse can pretty much have multiple sexual encounters outside the marriage and keep it secret.

The only benefit I can see is if someone doesn't meet up but just somehow gets their sexual source of love from this virtually, preferably without video or calls, and that means they can stay in a mutually sexless marriage but still be a good partner and parent in all other ways.

I am so very sorry, OP. If he's willing to go and meet a woman then that's not good at all. it's one thing talking, it's another thing meeting in real life.

Ideally, the talking wouldn't even happen.

I don't think you should confront him. It doesn't sound like he'd react well.

Do you want to just stay as you are, with your husband, marriage and home, and carry on as if this wasn't happening?

Or you get rid of him.

But getting rid of him, as you probably already have thought, is such a massive thing as then you and the kids are on your own.

I am afraid to say that you might be best just trying to leave it be. You know this now about him. It's a bit like a live version of porn I suppose. He's there for you and the kids but this is his sex life. I know that's not how it should be. It is all kinds of wrong. But it is how it is.

I am so sorry that your choices are all challenging. But for now I think I'd just give yourself a bit of time to come to terms with it, to let the shock die down, and not stir it up any more.

I'm sorry OP. Love and hugs to you. If it is any comfort, probably half the husbands (and possibly wives) on here are most likely secretly doing something more or less like this.

This isn’t just about sex though is it ???
He verbally abuses her .
He had physically assaulted her.

She is too scared to confront him or have her mother visit.
He is a controling bully. .

This isn’t healthy for OP and not for her kids
She won’t be alone. Op will
jave her kids and her mother . Even if she was alone it’s Better than this !

I know your post was trying to be kind but it’s not helpful . Why is it so bad to be alone ????

Dollybantree · 14/12/2024 10:03

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 21:50

Ok terms of the iron, so basically I was ironing his shirts and he came downstairs in a foul mood. He started saying that my ironing wasn’t up to his standard and that he sick of the way I do the collars, I kept quiet as I knew he was in a mood and he come close and said why I was ignoring him. I told him I didn’t wanna argue and I will go over the shirts he didn’t like. He then started shouting saying why would I need do this if I did it right at beginning, I started crying which made him more mad and he got the iron to my arm. I still have a scar. I screamed in pain and he just hugged me and said say sorry and let’s drop it. So I apologised and that was end of that never spoken about it again x

Sweetheart I'm crying reading this.

You poor, poor girl. And the fact you apologised to him.

He's a monster. Please find a way to get away 💐

Gonnaenodaethathen · 14/12/2024 10:05

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 14:59

He sent a picture where he cropped me out like how dare he

You should send back the original picture.

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/12/2024 10:10

Stunnershaz · 13/12/2024 22:49

I felt guilty I wasn’t providing for the family so I made sure everything was perfect for him at home. He was really looked after and I made sure dinner was made house was spotless and he had time to relax but no one thought of maybe giving me a break too. Looking after 5 kids all day while doing all the chores

Who’s idea for 5 kids I bet it was his ?
Abuser like to trap women at home With kids.

You are busy tied up with caring for children you can’t leave as you aren’t set up financially.
He can swan around doing what he likes and you don’t have free time to question it.
He doesn’t have to worry about other men as you can’t go anywhere.

He said nobody would employ you ? He said that to knock you down . If you got a job you may be able to leave one day as you wouldn’t be so dependent on him

You have stuck it out for 20 years .
You have worked . You are entitled to half and more.

Stupid man.

user1492757084 · 14/12/2024 10:10

ChesterFoxE · 13/12/2024 15:11

I’d be tempted to teach him a lesson by dragging it out & becoming a psycho stalker….

I know where you live kinda thing…..Snapchat him pics of his car or where he’s been! Really freak him out!!

But seriously……do it!!!

This could be excellent.

EdithBond · 14/12/2024 10:20

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/12/2024 10:01

This isn’t just about sex though is it ???
He verbally abuses her .
He had physically assaulted her.

She is too scared to confront him or have her mother visit.
He is a controling bully. .

This isn’t healthy for OP and not for her kids
She won’t be alone. Op will
jave her kids and her mother . Even if she was alone it’s Better than this !

I know your post was trying to be kind but it’s not helpful . Why is it so bad to be alone ????

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100%. @valentinka31 you obvs haven’t read all @Stunnershaz‘s posts. She’s been surviving controlling and abusive behaviour for years. And she has no need to worry about being alone. She’s basically had to cope alone with five kids for the best part of 20 years.