He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

What are the odds he just so happened to add you on snap chat and ask to meet you straight away?

That's crazy.

He must be constantly adding random women and asking them to meet up. Unless it was a huge coincidence?

You’ve got a Covidy virus. Itchy eyes. He can take the kids out on his own and you can have your mum over without him being there. But be careful what you say in your home. Don’t want to make you paranoid but he sounds a very controlling man and I wouldn’t put it past him being the type to have security cameras or other recording equipment set up. Tell her anything sensitive in the garden.

It makes me sad that I couldn’t leave over the bad abuse yet a few Snapchat messages and I’m ready to go

Go out, leave the house, contact a local or national domestic abuse advice service and get their perspective. Tell them everything.

I bet he’s the type that doesn’t like you having friends and family over. He probably makes your visitors feel uncomfortable in his ploy to control and isolate you.
@Stunnershaz I feel the abuse over the years has been normalised for you by the way you speak about it. And there are so many incidents. He also has very narcissistic traits. I am actually very sad and scared for you. Please first thing Monday call Women’s Aid.

Oh, well, that’s wrong. It is your house too. You have rights too.

Am I really strong enough to fight him in terms of having a peaceful life? The kids are happy and don’t have a clue what’s going on. The older two did say you do too much for dad and sometimes they feel he’s not so nice with me which my reply is he’s under stress and he’s giving you all a good life. Maybe they do see it

You shouldn’t be sad. You should be glad that you’ve seen the light. Call Women’s Aid and get some advice when he isn’t there. They are great and will help you.

You are worthy of love and kindness. You are.

Of course he did. Textbook abuse.

I’m sure they sense it. And, you are strong enough. You are a good mother to your kids…that takes a lot of strength. You gave your marriage your all in spite of things. That takes strength. So use that strength and save yourself.

I can’t explain how he is, he has the powerful energy and takes over straight away. He’s been around people who adore him all his life and had a good easy life and people telling him how amazing he is. He’s very successful and his parents are very wealth off too so he thinks he’s untouchable. Where I am from a single parent who didn’t have much but was very happy. I saw a life that I always wanted and honestly it’s not what it seems after all x

Indeed. isolating people from their family is a common technique in abusers. OP, you have the right to see your mum.

They see so much more than we realise. It’s time to show them how to deal with a controlling and abusive man so they know what to do in future.

almost exactly a year ago I walked out with my 2 kids from a very similar situation to you: I had nothing. He had taken everything from me. But in the last year, I have got my career back, moved into a new house(had to move in with my parents at first) got some friends back. It was hard at first but it is worth it. You owe it to your kids to get away from this man. I left because I didn’t want my girls growing up thinking it was ok to be treated like that by a man. Your husband sounds very similar to my ex. He will try turn this on you and gaslight you into believing it’s all your fault. It’s not your fault, none of it is your fault. He made his choices.

Are you using your personal phone for Snapchat?

how brave of you hun and a great mother to keep your children away xx

he’s not successful in what counts, and that is in being a decent human being. No decent man would burn his wife with an iron or hurt her.

OP, money is not everything and certainly not worth the abuse you are getting. Call Women’s Aid. They will give you a different perspective. The Freedom Programme is also very good. You’ll really get some insights that can help you.

Sounds like this:

There are laws of this land and he’s not untouchable. https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/contact-us/#:~:text=Please%20direct%20all%20support%20calls,a%20great%20number%20of%20enquiries.
24 hour helpline with chat service, use this time whilst he’s out.

You have 5 kids and the youngest is 13?
I can't imagine 13-17 year olds sleeping over at their nans.

The thing is for the past few months he been telling me get surgery like a mummy make over aswell which I’m against as this is who I am now and proud of all my scars I had with the kids. I keep thinking as I told him no he’s looking elsewhere too now

It’s my youngest two are at their nans as they going out for her birthday tomorow and have their cousins saying over too and the other 3 are also there but will be home later x

I could go on Plenty of Fish right now, make an account and have a dozen men asking for my WhatsApp number, it’s Friday night.

How did you manage to create another Snapchat account on your phone, is there a trick to do it?

I did it on an old phone I had. I have my normal Snapchat on my phone