He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

Not really, I don’t think. There is domestic violence around and about, and sometimes it gets to the point it is so bad, that people post for help. This is a reasonably safe anonymous place where people can get advice and think about things.

Why haven’t you left before now? Ffs.
You need to get out , away from him

This sounds like a textbook abusive relationship, from the lovebombing in the beginning, making sure that the two of your were never equal, cheating on you

Find somewhere safe for you and your children and get out... and take him for as much as you can

I’ve only just caught up to the end of the thread, when I posted she hadn’t had said about the abuse he’s put her through!
Shes better off without him

My slight cynicism here is partly set off by the fact that Snapchat works off your phone number - OP hasn't mentioned at any time she used a second phone?if he looks at his Snapchat friends it will tell him all the friends who are in his phone book ( and I would expect his wife to be one) who are also on Snapchat .

Hi guys, he’s gone out. Sorry for late replies.

Doesn't snap chat show your location?
Also you said he has ED so it doesn't make sense for him to be messaging about a session in the car. I think he knows it's you.

All that a side it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and he has been abusive to you so I think you do need to plan to leave. But Monday sounds not thought out, where would you go?

thank you for all your support. About the abuse….he wasn’t taking his meds and had a bit of a meltdown with depression yes it’s not excuse but he was my husband and I thought I could get pass it, the truth is I think about that time all the time and maybe I have never got over it

Ok terms of the iron, so basically I was ironing his shirts and he came downstairs in a foul mood. He started saying that my ironing wasn’t up to his standard and that he sick of the way I do the collars, I kept quiet as I knew he was in a mood and he come close and said why I was ignoring him. I told him I didn’t wanna argue and I will go over the shirts he didn’t like. He then started shouting saying why would I need do this if I did it right at beginning, I started crying which made him more mad and he got the iron to my arm. I still have a scar. I screamed in pain and he just hugged me and said say sorry and let’s drop it. So I apologised and that was end of that never spoken about it again x

OK use this time to contact Women’s Aid. He’s guilty of coercive control. Act fast. Be careful what you tell your Mum - she might not be able to control her reaction and you could be in more danger.

He’ll be ironing his own shirts soon. You need to draw a line here.

He’s already said he doesn’t want my mum come over tomorow as he wants a chill out day without the kids. I will
have to make a excuse now

@Stunnershaz i think you’ve been used to making excuses for his abusive behavior. Meds help with depression but being violent isn’t really something associated with depression commonly. He would have know what he’d done. Has he ever acknowledged it? The way he hurt you ? Any remorse?
You’re a very loyal wife and you have never addressed the ED either probably from fear. You deserve love, care, sex and not to be affraid anymore. Plan carefully.

Op, he’s abusing you. His behaviour here is nasty. He burned you with an iron. He has ridiculous standards about ironing his shirts. I don’t care if he is in a foul mood. No one deserves to be treated that way. Please get some advice from women’s aid and talk to someone. I think if you do and get an outside perspective you may see what this is about.

Do you have an attractive friend he doesn't know? If so could she meet him if you arrange things? She can see what he says/ does etc? I know you sent him a diff pic but you could send a pic of her as she'd really is saying this is the real me and that ypu had p make sure he was real and not faking it before sharing a real pic.

Any which way he's an AH and you'd be far better kicking him out. BTW the house being in his name means nothing. I assume he's the breadwinner and if so, you and the children need somewhere to live, so he should leave.

Sending a hug xxx

We have never mentioned the abuse just carried on. He was having trouble with ed and everytime he would push me over and say he felt I wasn’t into it but truth was it was his problem but he turned it round to me. He was embarrassed and just said it was all me

Again, why do you need permission to see your mum?

My ex husband did the complaining bit when I was nursing a 6 week old. It was actually the last time I ironed anything for that rumplestiltskin like man. Something in me switched.

Because even though I’ve made this house a home and done everything he makes me feel as though it’s still just his house

Don’t message him on Snapchat now. Friday night is prime time for dating chat, if he has no idea it’s you he’ll just think this imaginary woman is chatting to someone else. Use the time to get advice about domestic abuse.

It has nothing to do with the medication or depression and is an excuse

He's a textbook abusive man

Your husband is the worst type of abusive, get help, stay safe, get you and your children out.

More evidence of coercive control - trying to isolate her from her family.

I think I must have missed this part of the story. Hope you get some help OP

I had an amazing relationship with my mum untill I met him. She could see right through him and I just was angry that she would say he’s no good to me. My husband hated the fact she was straight about things and he use to say my mum was trying break us up.