He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

Personally I'd keep the clubs and the holiday and the charade going until February. But that would be the time that I'd leave knowing he was gone for a few days.
He'd come home to an empty house and divorce papers. You are not currently in any hurry.

Ok so if you've got access to a fair amount of money say a couple of thousand get recommendations from discrete divorced friends, collègues, acquaintances or whoever for who is a good divorce lawyer. There are some big London names but they come with big prices tags. (Do this today because once word gets out that you know the game will change.)

Then get appointments with them all. This is helpful in 2 ways. If they've seen you they can't see him. And finding a lawyer that "fits" is harder than you might think. Mine was my 4th and has had my back for 9 years of court cases with my litigious ex.

In the meantime:

start looking for and copying all the paperwork you can find.

Open a new bank account online away from your usual bank and put in as much money as you can that won't be missed. Move any child benefit payments etc to it. You can also transfer half the contents of joint accounts but that will give the game away so the timing needs to be carefully done.

Make sure you have a clean email address that he does not know about or have access to via other devices. Change every password.

Assuming you've a smartphone download Evernote and an app like Scannable which will scan documents using your phone straight into Evernote. Evernote is accessible from everywhere and syncs automatically. (You might need to upgrade it but I think it's good value for money.)

Mortgages

Bank statements (back as far as the business sale if possible)

Passports

Investments

Car, bike, boat, racehorse etc purchases

Pension statements

And anything else you can think of.

Any receipts for dodgy purchases - so not for you or kids

Then write a time line of what you know.

So married in x

House bought in x

DC1 in x

D.C. Problems diagnosed in x

Sold business in x

Bought stupid toy in x

This helps the lawyers and is useful for you in working it all out.

10 years ago he went through depression. As his wife it was hard really hard. He took his anger out on me and wasn’t taking medication. I took a lot of abuse emotionally and physically x

Great advice x

Don't blame the 'older generation' for your personal inability to understand the OP's post.

And if you're unable to scroll past her thread, perhaps you could ask a friend or family member to do it for you.

He’s running late will be home for 8 so I can be on here a little longer with you guys x

Just tried search for house papers and car papers but it’s in his safe and only he knows the number

I feel so sneaky doing all this! Honestly I can’t believe I did a fake Snapchat lol who would of though ehyyy

I would be tempted to say you are eager to meet you just don’t want to waste your time, is he sure he will be able to go through with it? Ask if he has met others as the last guy you met could not get it up and wasted your time. You may get a confession?

Give one of the kids the same name as one of your kids. So if your kids are Ben and Sarah, tell him you have kids called Sarah and Sophie. See what he says.

Well I’m old and an English teacher. I say your posts are fine, in the context. Some people just like to be twats.

I’ve just logged in the fake one and he sent a message saying if I’m still here. I just messaged saying yes just busy with kids but would love to meet Monday. He said oh brilliant wear something nice so I can see your figure (erghhhhh) and I replied of course but where shall we meet. He’s said he will send me some places later and I can choose

He’s messaged saying he doesn’t mind picking me up so we can drive together and maybe have a cheeky session in car!!! Wtfffffff

Give it to him anyway you have two more months to tell him you’ve actually cancelled it.

I think it might be if she sent him threatening messages saying "I know where you've been...."

More the reason to be quiet and bide your time.
If you have expensive jewelry you could ask if you could put it in the safe, then watch. Then have second thoughts a couple of days later and want it out with you.

So sorry OP. I made a fake tinder account years ago to catch out an ex. He was on his way to mine and I was cooking his dinner when he superliked the fake account!!

Messaged it saying how beautiful she was and he couldn’t wait to take her out in a date. My biggest regret was not going along with it and arranging to meet up. However I was that furious I dumped him as soon as he turned up at my door (of course didn’t admit I made the account 🤣).
I would play it cool and gather up as much evidence as possible. As hard as it is don’t let him know you know for now. All the best.

Good idea! Will ask him few days if I can put few stuff in there. He’s very discreet with the code so will probably get it off me and do it in his time

Your so much braver than me hun! Well done you x

Do you think he's gone to meet someone??

That’s what I was thinking, not sure

It’s not even that’s I’m jealous it’s more so how can he do this to our family. I’m not hurt about the cheating itself more so the life we built has broke

I have a horrible feeling he knows it’s you…….

what an utter piece of shit he is. I am so sorry, this must be deeply shocking and distressing, suddenly you are living with a deceitful stranger.

How? Why?

A "cheeky session" ey? He's got some real false charm going on, hasn't he?