He’s cheating! Caught him out shocked!

[Stunnershaz]

Hi everyone this is my first post so please be easy with me. I’ve been married for 20 years to dh and have 5 beautiful kids. Our relationship like everyone else had its ups and downs yet we stuck together through it all. If u ask if im happy I would say im secure and now made this life which is fine. Last few years have been tough as seeing changes with dh for example not answering my calls, staying out late and just generally not giving me much attention. Our sex life doesn’t exsist which doesn’t bother him and to be fair I didn’t make a big deal due to him feeling embarrassed about his ed.
I had been having a feeling he might be cheating but I tried ignore this and try carry on with our lives. He’s very protective and feel like he would question everything to me but I’m very laid back and just let him be which could be my fault.
last week I don’t know what made me do this but I seen his Snapchat pop up a few times and he just kinda ignore it and turned phone over which I found weird. I went and made a fake account and added him to it( what was I thinking) I don’t even know why I did it but the feeling just kept coming to do this. Anyway after a few hours he added me and said hello. I said hello back and he asked me where I was from so I kinda just went with it and made up a character. He then asked me for a picture and he sent his picture straight away. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no he’s divorce with no kids!!!! Wtf!!! I was shaking and just logged out. He came home from work like normal and I just carried on like normal. I don’t know what do with this information? I can’t confront him as I’m terrified about breaking up my family yet I can’t go on like this knowing he is doing this crap. He’s sent a message today saying let’s meet up wtf! I’m such a mug! I don’t even have the balls to confront him as he will turn this on me

Great. Cancel it all then book a family trip as his present (secretly knowing he won’t be invited when the time comes) September should be good. Something you can look forward to.

Just told him my mum is coming over tomorow see how I’m feeling. He’s not impressed he’s just message me saying why does she need come to the house for!

I have 1 hour left before I head bed and act ill

If he has no idea then try and get your money back or to change it to something for you.

Even if it's too late to change it or get money back, cancel it. Don't let him have the nice weekend.

The golf stuff are in way so they just messaged saying when they arrive I can send them back and request refund like that. They were a lot of money

The trip is from me and the kids so don’t know what do as the kids are excited give it him Christmas Day

He’s mad. So he’s just gonna meet some random on snapchat without doing a crb check? He hasn’t even asked to ft to make sure the person is real? What a dick!

The kids can be placated, don't stress. Divert their attention to their own gifts.

Please listen to the sensible advice on here rather than those looking for a bit of melodrama - they won't be the ones facing potential abuse. From my own experience of putting up with mental abuse for 30+ years and his affairs I decided enough was enough so made a plan just like your being advised to. I took phone photos of everything I could find like his payslips, P60's, bank statements, pension statements. I also gathered together important docs I'd need eg passport, marriage certificate, driving licence and kept everything in a small suitcase along with enough change of clothing to get me by for a week. Eventually walked out and already packed after some serious mental abuse that lasted months and something having finally snapping inside. I'd already got free legal advice from a random solicitor who was absolutely brilliant who explained I was in a vulnerable situation and to use vulnerable when speaking to whoever eg my bank when asking for statements to be redirected to a care of address. It was amazing how helpful the businesses were on hearing that word. You might not think so with not being able to think straight but you are vulnerable and so are your children. Speaking to a solicitor gave me info to focus on rather than beating myself up with my misplaced feeling of guilt that it was all my fault. It made me feel strong and in control of the life I wanted to have and which you also deserve to have. Your children won't be around forever and then it's just you and him. Is that what you want? It will only get worse. Please don't be like me staying out thinking things will improve and in the meantime life having slipped by with nothing changing . I honestly know it's hard and daunting but as a gran in her 60's when I left, you can do it too. You have you life still ahead of you so please don't waste any more of your time on him. I read advice on here at the time that "your mother didn't give birth to you just so someone could make you unhappy ". Please my lovely, see a solicitor, listen to their advice, get your plan in place, speak to womens refuge/ domestic violence via Google searching so you have somewhere to go just in case but everyone is right in that you can't be kicked out of your home just because you didn't financially contribute although sometimes it can ir met be the most sensible thing to walk away until such time that divorce settlement is done .Wishing you all the luck and hope you do the right thing by ridding yourself of this waster who you invested so much into to then be treated this way.

Do people do CRB checks before hook ups? I'm been married yonks so no idea.

Thank you x

If the kids want to give it to him may be it could work in your favour then. Knowing he’ll be gone that weekend you could aim to leave by the time he comes back. If you can tolerate it for that long in order to get yourself into the best position?

He cropped you out of a picture, said he was divorced and acted as if your kids don’t exist. He’s also asking to meet up. The intention to cheat is definitely bloody there!

Thank you for confirming this hun x

This sounds sensible, it can just be from the children who are all teens I think. Mum will understand, they always know.

By writing stuff he has done to me has made me realise if it was my daughter I would be so upset if she stayed with a man like that

Sorry not a real crb check🤣 it can be used as slang to basically imply that someone needs to do a background check.

You wouldn’t do an official background check (like a DBS check) on someone before hooking up but you’d google their name. Facetime them and make sure they’re actually a real person and not a catfish etc. Just try and find out who the bloody hell you’re talking to!

Just shows he doesn’t care if he gets caught and it use to doing this to some many women that it don’t bother him who it is

Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Stay strong 💪 You’ve got this.

Oh OP. I feel for you..it must be awful. You say you've been together for 20 years... why has your DH got snapchat? It's well known why its obviously not the first time and if he's so keen to meet he likely wouldn't just stop at that.

I would rather know than live a lie. You now have to decide what you will do for the best.

@FuckILookLike I agree. It's a bit strange because OPs DH should of known that OP had added him from her phone book and was in his contacts because snapchat tells you this. Very odd indeed to want to meet without a phone call or exchange or social media exchange (to confirm you are an actual person).

@Stampedononce2often great post and so very true - melodrama gets you nowhere, protecting yourself does - and in a years time you will be glad you protected yourself and children first and foremost

If I already had a plan in place to leave I’d carry on with the facade and tell him actually I’m married with five kids. See how he absorbs that.

Alternatively do what a pp said. Keep up the facade but start coming across as creepy and unhinged. Scare him a bit (a lot). No reason why he should ever know it’s you.

Babooshka his ass...

Do you work?
Have you somewhere to go with the children? Are they all at home?

Get legal advice first. Get paperwork together - copies of everything financial

He should be the one to go...