Gf can’t get over comment

[Kb1088]

Hi all, Im after some advice please. A few months ago l I was away with my current GF. I was speaking with my ex via text about our girls and she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as she is on her own. I reassured her and said that she the best mum I could ask for to my girls. This comment has since caused a lot of unrest in my current relationship and my current gf doesn’t see a way past it, meaning we can’t continue. She is dealing with a recent passing of a family member, but she has mentioned that she is struggling to get past it before. I love this girl so much, what can I do?

You tell her to grow up and realise your ex is the best mother to your children. Nothing to apologise for.

Can your girlfriend articulate what it is that has upset her?

I can't see anything wrong with what you said. Of course your daughters' mother will be the best mother for them!

Surely you meant for those girls specifically ie your daughters?

If you had children with your girlfriend hopefully you would think she was the best mother for those children too?

As a woman I think your current girlfriend has some serious issues. She’s being unreasonable and petty.

Your girlfriend should be happy you can co parent effectively with your ex.

I think you have to accept she's not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship with you. It sounds like you are successfully coparenting with your ex and I imagine this would always be a problem for your girlfriend.

Does she want your ex to be a shit Mum so she can in the future be a better Mum to your children together if that has been discussed? It is very petty of her to be upset about what you said.

No, not that I can think of.

we don’t have children together, but have discussed the possibility. She said the comment has hurt her feelings

Put the shoe on the other foot. Imagine she had kids with another man and she tells him that he's the best dad to her kids she could ever ask for.
What does that make her if you have kids together? I'm not a jealous person as a rule but I'd be really hurt by this comment. I think it was insensitive to day in front of your current partner tbh.

You have done nothing wrong, it sounds like your ex needed the reassurance. It sounds as if your current GF is jealous because SHE wants to have the title of 'best mum' to your potential future children. Ordinarily I would say that her reaction is immature and she needs to sort herself out, but given she's recently bereaved then she may not be in control of her emotions fully. This is not for you to fix, you did absolutely nothing wrong, she needs to get a grip on things and if she can't then in all honesty is she really the one for you if a comment like this could derail a whole relationship?

She has a child with another man and openly says in front of me that he is a great dad and I’m really happy that he is, as that is wonderful for the child. This makes me happy more than upset

She’s insecure. Explain that you don’t think your ex would be a better mum than her. She would be the best mum to any future kids you have. And validate that it’s tricky territory as she’s your ex and she shouldn’t be relying on you for emotional support, even if she is mother to your children.

If I was your current gf and was planning kids with you, that would put me right off because I'd feel second best from the get-go.

This girlfriend sounds very immature. Would she prefer you to be a bastard?

Lovely thing to write. Your girlfriend should be really pleased that you support the mother of your children this way.

You don’t have to end a relationship because of insecurity over one comment. Show empathy and reassurance.

And this is awesome but you didn't say your ex is a "great mum". You said she's the best mum you could of asked for for your kids. Those two comments are miles apart. Surely you can see that?

I’m not the one ending it

Yeah to my children & my gf would be the best I could ask for my future children with her. I do understand the upset and I have reassured her that I get why it would cause upset, but she can’t let it go.

If she can’t get past it then break up, what’s the point of flogging a dead horse. It’s done, you stand by it, she can get over it and stop bringing it up or she can find someone else.

I’m a stepmum and a mum fwiw but probably irrelevant.

Your gf needs to grow up. You have kids, and their mum is always going to be there. Gf needs to accept that, or this relationship won't work.
You are doing right by your kids and your ex.

Your girlfriend objects to you supporting the mother of your children?

Bin the bitch as it will go from resenting your ex to resenting your children.

You said nothing wrong and your girlfriend is either very immature, nasty or both.

I'm going with both.

In the great scheme of things it is one comment that wasn't even directed at her!

Yet she is prepared to finish the relationship over it or at least threaten to!

Your relationship would already have to be on shaky ground for her to reach such a dramatic decision of ending the relationship over one comment, so perhaps she's just using it as an excuse to dump you.