Gf can’t get over comment

[Kb1088]

Hi all, Im after some advice please. A few months ago l I was away with my current GF. I was speaking with my ex via text about our girls and she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as she is on her own. I reassured her and said that she the best mum I could ask for to my girls. This comment has since caused a lot of unrest in my current relationship and my current gf doesn’t see a way past it, meaning we can’t continue. She is dealing with a recent passing of a family member, but she has mentioned that she is struggling to get past it before. I love this girl so much, what can I do?

I know, I read your post and comments. Lots of posters are telling you to end it. I was disagreeing with that advice. You’re obviously failing to reassure your gf appropriately. Just admit to her it was terrible phrasing. It’s the kind of thing you would say to a current partner. You could have kept it more generic, for example “you’re a brilliant mum”.

Bloody hell.

You have 2 kids she has one & after 8months you are thinking of moving away from your daughters & having yet more kids?

And you would be living with her kid?

I despair!

Just why?

You were away with your gf and you were texting your ex? Unless it was an urgent situation then I can see why she's upset.

Ahh I missed completely that she already has a child. I think this is going to be tricky for you both, then. I’m sure when you think about this in the round, you won’t want to move 2 hours away from your children. Assuming you have them something like set weekdays and then every other weekend, maybe this relationship could be sustained for a few years till her child has gone to Uni (if that’s what they’re planning) by doing EOW at each other’s houses? It’s hard with the distance, but moving away from your kids would solve one issue and create a whole load more for your children, who have no control over their lives.

Maybe it’s time to take stock of your life and try to meet someone closer to home? I know that’s drastic, but I just think it’s going to be hard for you guys to do a LDR. Works for some though? I don’t know, what do you think?

So the upset was 2 months ago and it's still an issue?

Moving in together would be extremely unwise OP.

He said his ex was the best mother for THEIR children - I see absolutely nothing wrong in that whatsoever and I think it's a reach to be offended by it.

Only just seen the two months. Don’t do this. Immature and probably has some other issues. You don’t know her that well.

She needs to grow up

No obviously not. However, he shouldn't be telling one woman she's the best mother to his kids he could ever wish for in front of a woman he's planning on having kids with! How you cannot understand how she's feeling is beyond me.

God, she sounds ridiculously immature, needy, sulky, insecure and hard work. Bereavement is terrible, but it doesn’t excuse this type of manipulation. Surely a man having a supportive, positive relationship with his ex for the sake of their children is a good thing, especially if she’s in exactly the same situation?! But instead of taking a long-term view, she’s fixating on a single comment, doing a frantic pick me dance, and engaging in emotional blackmail (‘I’m leaving because you’re too nice to the mother of your children’ - WTF?!).

You sound like a great dad in every respect other than your current choice of partner, and the fact you’re considering moving away from your children for the sake of a clingy woman you’ve known for 8 months is a huge worry. If she’s like this over one comment, how great a step parent do you think she’ll be? How embracing of your kids? How accommodating of your ex? I’ll make a prediction, OP: not at all. Move to be with her and your current good relationship with your family will be on borrowed time. For the sake of your precious children, don’t do it.

What the fuck did she want you to say?
Yeah, ex. You're a bit crap really. New Girlfriend will be much better with our children than you are.

All the people who said that you sound like a great dad/co parent will change their mind now they realise you are planning to move 2 hours away from your children (in spite of telling us that your ex has been feeling overwhelmed doing everything on her own). I would rather have a co parent who was committed to the parenting bit than empty words about being the best mum.

In that case, cut and run. You've done nothing wrong. Find someone emotionally mature.

And don't move that far away from your children.

You move to her she has full control your stuffed. Man dont do it. You sound decent. Your ex is best mun for your children. Your gf is not stable and she will put a wedge between you and ex.

Yep, time to cut this one loose OP. This insecurity level is a red flag and I bet you'll stumble across many more. What a weird thing to get upset about.

What's best for your children though?
Is it best for them for you to move a couple of hours away with a girlfriend of 8 months?

I don’t think you should move 2 hours away from your kids, that’s a shitty thing to do.

I completely agree with this. I'd be well fucked off tbh.

Exactly

I’m going against the grain. (Lone parent here.)

I think your ex could probably manage to parent for a week while you’re on holiday to give you the time with your gf. It isn’t that hard to just suck it up for a week.

The comment itself was completely fine, and lovely in fact. But I notice that while you were away on a break with your GF, you were spending your time talking via text to your ex, and were acting as her emotional support whie she was struggling. I don't know the whole situation but I am wondering if the comment itself was just the final straw and that she was feeling like you were puttin gmore effort into your ex than her? And that may or may not be a fair assessment from her - you have DC so of course your ex is part of your life but on the other hand, you shouldn't reall ybe her emotional support anymore.

He said nothing wrong ffs. Such a bunch of whiny, insecure women on here putting their own feelings above children's!

But you really need to reconsider moving 2 hours away from your children op.

Your current partner sounds mental- it'll only drive a wedge between her and the mother of your children. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by your ex and supporting her, being able to do that is so important for your kids sakes. Don't stop being a good co-parent because of an immature girlfriend.

Yeah, still a crock of shit, he's done nothing wrong and the GF needs to grow up.

I'm a stepmother - I can absolutely see my DH saying that to his ex and it would make me feel warm and fuzzy towards him, not angry.

Can I see how she's choosing interpreting your specific words to be a slight? Yes. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. There is an unfortunate place relationships can get to (or people) where they will take everything said and done in the worst light possible. One or both people stop giving the other any grace or benefit of the doubt and scour everything for slights or bad intent. It's an awful cycle, and being on the receiving end of that feels like no amount of effort will ever be enough. If your gf was in a secure, happy place she would see a father encouraging the mother of his children in a casual text (not a carefully crafted formal statement), but it sounds like that's not where she is.

Blended families are tough at the best of times, and not everyone is up for it. It's possible she isn't right now.