Gf can’t get over comment

[Kb1088]

Hi all, Im after some advice please. A few months ago l I was away with my current GF. I was speaking with my ex via text about our girls and she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as she is on her own. I reassured her and said that she the best mum I could ask for to my girls. This comment has since caused a lot of unrest in my current relationship and my current gf doesn’t see a way past it, meaning we can’t continue. She is dealing with a recent passing of a family member, but she has mentioned that she is struggling to get past it before. I love this girl so much, what can I do?

To be fair everyone wants the best person or people in their children's life's. Your ex is the best mother to your children and respect to you for reminding her of this at a difficult time. Your current girlfriend is simply displaying a jealous and insecure side of herself. She basically needs to get over herself. My ex has married the most incredible man that's been so kind and another pillar of support in my 3 daughters life's. I'm so glad he's around.
If your girlfriend can't get past tell her to walk on because you can't take back what you said and shouldn't have to!

Yeah, don't have kids with her until she grows up.

Unfortunately the word 'best' is a bit definitive. What is there to strive for after 'the best'. You've already got kids with the best mum.you could ever ask for. She's now feeling like she doesn't match up and won't if you have your own kids. I'm sorry OP and I know there are people on here who think she's being petty but I understand how she's feeling and it's valid. A comment like that about your ex sticks like mud I'm afraid.

I think this whole situation could have been avoided if you had said your girls couldn't have wished for a better mother, or similar. As it is your wording implies that nobody, including your gf , could be better than her as a mother. And I can totally see why your gf is upset. If she did have children with you she is constantly thinking that you see your ex as the gold standard of motherhood and she would never be able to live up to it.
I accept you didn't mean to upset your gf but I see totally where she is coming from because your comment has raised the matter of comparison and it sounds as though you have already decided your ex is the winner

But is parenting really a competition?

Your gf is entitled to her feelings/ insecurities but that doesn’t mean you have to correct your behaviour to appease them. Beware of any person weaponising their feelings against you.

Tell your gf that if she can’t get past the comment, that splitting up would be in both your interests if she chose that route because you will not apologise for supporting the mother of your children. However, this behaviour should be pauze for thought because this is not a woman you should be discussing having future children with.

No it absolutely is not, you really have done nothing wrong at all. Your GF should be proud that you are supporting your ex to be the best parent that she can be, which also means reinforcing her confidence in her own abilities for the benefit of your children. The pettiness on this thread amazes me - I repeat, you have done nothing wrong OP. If she is this touchy then I worry for her frankly.

Looking for an excuse.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you said. She sounds very immature.

Crikey, I could only dream of my exH saying something like this to me. It's short-sighted of your gf to be upset at you being supportive of your ex because one day she might be in the same position.

Please continue to support your ex and your children. It's horrible being a single mum and the behaviour of the father is absolutely crucial for the happiness of both mother and children. My ex is vile and can't see the connection between his mistreatment of me and the happiness/unhappiness of his children.

Parenting shouldnt be a competition. But your comment made it look as though it is. If you say some one is the " best " mum then by implication you are saying you regard every other mum as not as good.

Yeah, she is the best for her children. My current gf wouldn’t the best for her children, just like my ex wouldn’t be the best for my current gf’s child

Personally I'd have seen it as a massive green flag. Very refreshing to hear of a man valuing the mother of his children and caring about her welfare. If you can say with complete honesty that you no longer have feelings for your ex and have never given your new partner reasons to doubt that, then she either needs to get past her insecurity or move on to a man without a family, because you shouldn't stop being kind to your ex, for your children's sake.

No, I can categorically say that I have no feelings for my ex at all. My heart is well and truly with my current gf

This. If he treats her well, he will treat the GF well.

OP does your GF typically have main character syndrome where everything is about her, even when it's not?

Oh that’s really pathetic.

If you would be hurt by this then you need to grow up too. Utterly pathetic.

No, I wouldn’t say so. She is usually very kind and genuine, although this thread makes it look otherwise lol

Absolute horseshit.

I would be worried about having children with her. What else is going to turn into a competition?

Unless you put loads of ❤️❤️❤️❤️’s beside it?

What the hell is wrong with that? Do you think he should be saying that he wishes his current girlfriend was their mother or something?

Well yes that's perhaps what you meant but you can't blame your current gf for reading a different interpretation into it.

The fact you are sitting there judging women on their mothering ability is pretty off putting actually. Most mothers try and do the best for their children and it's a very difficult job. They really don't need male judgement when they are doing their best.

Your children come first, and it’s great that you are co-parenting positively with your ex. I think probably it’s the emotional intimacy with your ex that pissed for your girlfriend and the fact that your ex offloaded to you about a bad day and you gave her reassurance. But if your girlfriend can’t deal with t that dynamic I think it’s her issue. You’re not going to change and I don’t see why you should.

What ARE you talking about? He's not judging women on their parenting. He was encouraging the mother of his children not to feel down on herself.

christ!