Gf can’t get over comment

[Kb1088]

Hi all, Im after some advice please. A few months ago l I was away with my current GF. I was speaking with my ex via text about our girls and she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as she is on her own. I reassured her and said that she the best mum I could ask for to my girls. This comment has since caused a lot of unrest in my current relationship and my current gf doesn’t see a way past it, meaning we can’t continue. She is dealing with a recent passing of a family member, but she has mentioned that she is struggling to get past it before. I love this girl so much, what can I do?

@Kb1088 how long have you been together?

is she okay if you buy gifts for your girls to give their mum in Mother’s Day etc?

I don’t get how she can compliment her ex and his parenting but can’t see the similarities of your comment.

it’s not like you are saying that she wouldn’t be as good a mother to any children you had together in the future!

This is her insecurity that she is projecting onto you.

Been together 8 months but we don’t live together. We live about 2 hours apart and I was planning on moving my life and business there to live with her.

There must be more to this - no one could possibly take so much offence to your comment that they ended things. Is she abusive? Controlling? Immature? Or do you have a history of deliberately pushing her buttons? There simply must be more to this than you are sharing here.

What?! I've read some batshit in my time... but this takes the biscuit, the cake and the whole damn bakery frankly.

He was reinforcing her self-esteem, not judging her. He was SUPPORTING her.

This is how I interpret it too. You've both heard your words in different ways. To you it was obviously about your girls specifically. To her I think it was that you already had kids with the best mum you could hope for, therefore she isn't going to be the best you could hope for.
What is communication like between you usually? It sounds like you need a proper sit down where you really listen to what each other is saying.

No, she isn’t abusive. I probably do push her buttons, but who in a relationship doesn’t. 90% of our relationship is great. As I said, she is dealing with a family bereavement so not sure if this is having an impact

I’m sorry but 8 months feels a very short time to be blending lives.

I wouldn’t even consider it without a minimum of 18 months of dating and holidays/short bursts of staying over to see how every day life/routines are etc.

If you coparent well with your ex Id be asking how you GF will find your girls being under the same roof with her and the natural
chat about their mum etc? What else will she feel is disrespectful?

Ummm this would be a mad thing to do. You have kids! How are you going to move to live near your new long distance girlfriend of barely half a year when you've got kids??

As others have said - she's emotionally immature, and jealous to boot.

This isn't your problem to solve; it's hers.

I'd think you were lovely for saying that

@Arlanymor
I accept he was supporting his ex. And the fact it was probably said without any intention of upsetting his gf.
It's his subsequent comment about his ex's abilities as a mother and his decision that his gf would be the best mother for his future children that I found very entitled and pompous -especially given his inability to see why his gf is upset.

You clearly have an Inability to read previous comments, where I have said that I understand why it upset her and that was never my intention, but to support my ex at that time.

She would prefer you slag your ex off? Men who treat the mother of their kids with respect are decent blokes.

Is it not really about you and your ex gabbing over text about her emotional state when your girlfriend is grieving and would quite like your full attention?

The text was a few months ago

Never get together with someone with kids.
OP you said nothing wrong. My DH has a son with his ex (and we now have 3 kids together) l liked that he was respectful of his and that he put his son's wellbeing over mine.
Looking out for your children means respecting and support their other parent. If you GF can't see this it sad but she isn't the one for you.

@Itsacoldcoldwinter

'Parenting shouldnt be a competition. But your comment made it look as though it is. If you say some one is the " best " mum then by implication you are saying you regard every other mum as not as good.'

What about all those Mother's Day cards that say 'Best Mum'?

You sound lovely - a great, supportive ex and partner to current GF.

I hear what you’re saying about your partner being recently bereaved and I suspect this is amplifying her insecurities (we all have them eh?).

I hope she doesn’t end things with you at this unsettled time of her life. I wonder if she’s had some bereavement counselling? Cruse and Samaritans are very good - it’s good to talk as they say.

I’m concerned, for your kids’ daily lives’ sake, about the distance away you would be if you moved in with her, as you’re hoping to do. I think this could be the downfall of the longevity of this relationship. Is there a chance instead that she could move to you? Your kids need you and it sounds like your ex struggles sometimes (as do we all) so much better for your kids if their mum is getting more regular help with the daily grind of parenting.

So you'd be moving two hours away from your children? You don't feel at all guilty about that?

I was on your side til you said you were thinking of moving 2 hours away from your kids. Good job they've got the best mum ever because that's shitty dad behaviour.

First of all, thank you for your kind words.

we have had discussions about who would move where and it was agreed it would be easier for me, as I’m self employed and can move my business anywhere & if was better for her child as she is a lot older and is already settled there with family close by

You've been with this woman for 8 months and you're already putting her child above your own. Christ.

Why are you planning to move in with her after 5 minutes of a long distance relationship? What about the impact on your kids?

Your girlfriend needs to get over herself. You've only been together eight months, if she's going to get the hump over something like that, breaking up now would be better.

Your GF sounds very immature and I imagine she will make the relationship with your ex very difficult the longer your relationship goes on. If you had children with your GF and told your ex she is the best mum you could ask for for your kids, I would understand her getting upset as it would be you comparing GF to ex. However, getting upset over something she isn’t involved with is silly. For your relationship to work, all adults involved need to be able to get on and not let petty jealousy get in the way

Agree. Do not have children with this woman. Her reaction is a strong tell or red flag about her.