Gf can’t get over comment

[Kb1088]

Hi all, Im after some advice please. A few months ago l I was away with my current GF. I was speaking with my ex via text about our girls and she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as she is on her own. I reassured her and said that she the best mum I could ask for to my girls. This comment has since caused a lot of unrest in my current relationship and my current gf doesn’t see a way past it, meaning we can’t continue. She is dealing with a recent passing of a family member, but she has mentioned that she is struggling to get past it before. I love this girl so much, what can I do?

They have kids together, is he not allowed to check in with their mother?

If Gf thinks that Op is too involved with his ex then she should end the relationship.

If he has two kids Peter and Paul with the ex, and goes on to have Pat with the girlfriend.... the ex is the best mother he could ask for for Peter and Paul, the current girlfriend is the best mother he could ask for for Pat! Simples!

However, he shouldn't be telling one woman she's the best mother to his kids he could ever wish for in front of a woman he's planning on having kids with!

It was a text conversation. How does the gf know what was said? Was she looking over his shoulder as he texted?

Please, OP, put your children first, and don’t move in with this woman. If she’s like this so early in the relationship it’s not going to get better. I’m sorry she’s had a bereavement but for heaven’s sake don’t let that confuse the issue. At best she’s far too immature and insecure to deal with a blended family situation, at worst she could make your life a misery. You risk ruining your relationship with your children as well as their mother.

That's a massive step to take OP especially for a new relationship.

What about your children?

You need to have a word with yourself. It's not a competition

OP, Two hours away is very far to move from your children for a woman you know 8 months.

Don't do that to your children.

Trust me, it’s not something I have taken lightly. I’ve had so many great comments tonight that it’s made me think differently to my situation & I need to just take some time out for myself and decide what I want to do

Good luck @Kb1088

Good.

Trust me, it’s not something I have taken lightly. I’ve had so many great comments tonight that it’s made me think differently to my situation & I need to just take some time out for myself and decide what I want to do

I thought the whole point of the post is that she's already decided that she can't get past it and it's over?

I can see why she took the comment as she did, to be fair. I think she's made the right decision if it's bothered her so much, rather than continue.

Good luck.

Exactly. I would think that was obvious. Apparently not.

I genuinely don’t understand the level of emotional support and reassurance he’s giving her while he’s away, no. It sounds intense and needy from ex more in my view. It’s nothing to do with the children, the comment.

If you were away from your children for a week, would you genuinely not text the carer of them and see how they (and the carer) are doing?

And if the carer was having a bit of a difficult week for whatever reason you wouldn’t just say something nice and reassuring?

I can’t see why that seems too much to be honest. It’s basic courtesy to ask how the person you are talking to (about the children) is. It’s pretty rude to not even ask.

Exactly!

The new girlfriend is being immensely petty and that’s a huge red flag.

But I also think you’re going far too fast in the relationship and moving two hours away from your kids is definitely taking your responsibilities as a father way too lightly, whatever you have managed to convince yourself.

@Idontjetwashthefucker yeah, but there’s no way I say something so emotive and intense, or which alluded to a previous level of intimacy, or placed me as white knight role.

You did the right thing with your Ex, your current girlfriend is behaving like a child and too be honest, if she can't see past it, it will be better for you, you are better off not being together, if you had a child with her it would cause no end of problems guaranteed, she would have a meltdown, about the time you spend with the girls, what you buy them ect. I can 100% guarantee this.

That’s your reply to that thoughtful comment? Jesus. I’m dumping you on her behalf.

If your ex is feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, how is saying shes the best mum going to make a difference? She needs sleep and to deal with her life

Its nice you can both get on and parent the children but i do find it a little strange you have to compliment your ex when she’s struggling

I would be put off having children with those comments flying around and i’m a level headed person

It’s not a thoughtful comment. It took a kind remark that didn’t need to mean anything about anyone beyond the children and parent he was referring to, and stretched it into a personal insult.

Any capable mother who does her best is the best mother her children could hope for. It certainly does not need to be made into a competition between mothers.

His subsequent comment makes it sound as though he chosing his gf like a breeding mare: chosing the best mother for his future children, having already chosen the best mother for his current children.