A woman made a pass at DH - Need help writing a text

[GirlInterrupted]

I want to send a beautifully written text to the woman who touched and proposed a BJ to my DH last night. I want to say wtaf, stay away from any social gatherings we will be at and leave the WhatsApp group.

Hit me with your best ones please

It doesn't matter at all how OP "looks". All that matters is that her husband rejects this woman, which he's done. OP can go in raging or whatever, if husband wants to take up the offer then that's the decision that will fuck everything over. Either he can be trusted or he can't, OP being a warrior or a wimp is really neither here nor there because it's his choices that determine this, not hers.

And it seems he can be trusted, so...what else is there?

If people would be genuinely fine with that, then it’s honestly no wonder that so many men cheat on women with their friends.

That doesn't make any sense?

The key here is he declined.

How would 'so many men be cheating on women with their friends', if they declined?

It's not a case of being 'fine' with her behaviour. It was far from fine but it was dealt with by the OP's husband.

He's not a child who needs his mammy to write a note for him.

Just pop in the group chat
" can we all agree that from now on at social gatherings. We won't offer sexual favours,when full of booze?!"

Dear Mumsnet
A friend of DH’s who had a reputation for this sort of thing propositioned me at a party and asked to go down on me. I dealt with it at the time but it was awful.

“well what did you do to lead him on? Your husband should talk to you about your behaviour.”

She might even take a message from OP as a sign that she's got a chance. Some people get off on feeling like they are somehow more desirable than the spouse and OP texting is a clear sign that she feels threatened, even though the husband said no.

I'd still love to know whether the OP was actually there or not, or if she heard this secondhand.

If it's the latter, she'd need to be careful before going in all guns blazing anyway.

It’s not for @GirlInterrupted to get into some agg with a friend who propositioned her husband. He’s not a possession to be argued over or claimed. This isn’t a soap opera two women don’t need to have a fierce row,no one needs a warning.@GirlInterrupted isn’t discredited because she doesn’t retaliate
HE need to deal with it(he already has by declining)

I completely agree.

I think if this woman received a message off OP she would just laugh at it.

It should be DH sending a message and not OP or his mum (which is what this feels like).

If this is OP’s best friend then she can ring her and have it out with her but other than that it should be DH sorting it.

This isn’t on you to fix at all, don’t message her. It’s for your other half to manage, not you.

Create a new WhatsApp group with everyone in the group except her.

Then send a message in the old group to say you are leaving the group because of the inappropriate and unwanted sexual behaviour from an individual in the group. The new group minus her will begin.

I would message her privately and say that due to her actions you feel unable to be around her via WhatsApp or in person. I would encourage her to reflect on her actions and seek some help and ask her to refrain from speaking with or about you or your husband in the future. You could also advise her that further unwanted contact will be considered harassment.

There’s also the consideration that the person who done this is her friend. That’s ok, is it? Just because her husband can be trusted to say no, then it’s ok for her friend to try her luck?

I'm sorry that happened to you. Just out of curiosity was this friend a man or a woman?

Wrongly, I assumed women behaved better.

If you're all in a WhatsApp group, surely that's the best place to call her out, isn't it? Or your husband should. The problem will resolve on its own.

I think my point has massively flown over your head I’m afraid.

How can one adult insist that another adult avoids all social gatherings for the first woman's convenience? She obviously didn't like the comment to her husband but she cannot insist on this, all she can say is 'I'll leave any event you're at'.

The subtext was my mistake in assuming that women weren't guilty of behaving badly.

Mea culpa.

Yes the OPs husband declined. But nobody’s telling me that if many men had an offer from a friend of their wife and knew that their wife wouldn’t have the guts to call the person out, they wouldn’t act on it.

The behaviour has been dealt with by her husband to an extent. What is the OP supposed to do? Just wait for the next time her friend tries to crack on? You can’t just ignore the betrayal that’s been done towards the OP here.

Because it's the OP who wants no contact and yet thinks she can dictate the other woman's life!

How about: "Everyone always said you were a slut, and now you've gone and proved it beyond all reasonable doubt".

When a friend invites your husband into a sexual encounter, they are initiating or participating in something which could destroy your marriage. Aside from not having any feelings for my friends' husbands, I wouldn't do anything which would jeopardise their marriage and family.

The man, of course, plays the biggest role in betraying his wife (and children, in effect) and would be the greater offender. The man would probably have had some kind of extra marital relationship at some point, with someone, if he's the type, or maybe not. The point is, for someone in your friendship group to orchestrate a context where something could happen that would lead to your marriage ending, and all which that ensues, absolutely involves the OP.

I don't think the OP would I'm any way let herself down by saying something because it would be her having to pick up the pieces of this situation, had it happened. This friend would have been part of an activity that may have torn OP's life apart. For someone to actively go after that, to deliberately go down that road, knowing the potential consequences is dreadful. Saying nothing will just make the friend think she got away with it.

I would just say 'DP told me that you propositioned him and I'm so hurt and disappointed that you would do something so low. There's no way that I can continue our friendship after this'.

And leave it at that. There's no need for witty retorts. Say it like it is, in private and let that be the end of it.

But nobody’s telling me that if many men had an offer from a friend of their wife and knew that their wife wouldn’t have the guts to call the person out, they wouldn’t act on it.

"Oh Sarah, please don't offer my husband a blowjob again"

That's going to stop her, is it?

Or is she supposed to threaten violence or what?

What do YOU think is going to stop this woman's behaviour?

I'd say it as it is.

Insert name, please could you stop sexually harassing married men and trying to ruin marriages by offering unsolicited oral sex. It really is desperate. You're not welcome anywhere near us. You'll be removed from the WhatsApp group if you don't leave voluntarily.

What's the background? Is she is a close friend? Why are you in a group chat together?

She wasn't disrespected at all, her husband was and dealt with it at the time, he sounds to be a perfectly decent adult. Having his wife wade in on his behalf is saying to her 'I don't trust him, whatever he said to you, better luck next time!'.
Talking about marking one's territory like a cat!

That's a bit presumptuous though.

How does the OP know the administrator and other group members actually want her removed?

According to the OP it's not the first time this woman has propositioned someone else's husband, and yet she's still in the group?