DP has been left an estate in a will ...

[spidersnope]

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

Find someone else. This is nuts.

I heard of this with a farm once, for the son to inherit the farm the daughter in law had to sign a postnup saying it wouldn't form part of a divorce settlement. Her kids loved farming so she signed.

Then do that before this 'benefactor' shuffles off their mortal coil. That way, you and your DP have a joint property that will be outwith the 'to be inherited at sometime in the future' estate, so will not affect that, and you get to continue living there.

I did get very mixed responses about this from friends in rl
Ranging from she's just a fiend, men and women can be friends
To , he's cheating in plain sight
I've got no issues with him being friends with other women
But it's not like any friendship I've ever had or would want to have

Apologies- I've read ALL and it's female friend.

Look- you can't be turfed out of any future home you may have with him just because he used £500K to buy it with you.

If we marry and cohabit I want the house to be ours jointly like a normal couple and not to be turfed out of my home if he died

You either marry OR cohabit. They're different.

So if you bought a house together AND WERE MARRIED there is no way I assume he could say ok my wife will only get get £250K and the £500K goes to whoever....

and the benefactor would be dead anyway so couldn't control it.

He should just be done wirh it and marry the 50 something. THEN he would get his grabby hands on the lot!

An uncle died in his will because he'd fallen out with his brother he stipulated that his nephews were to get zilch when she died. There was also a vitriolic letter with the will. The aunt was a sweet lady who lived on for many years. When she died she left everything to the nephews.

So I wouldn't worry.

You say you're a few years in (dating) but no plans to live together.

Why?

Do you have children of your own?

@AmberAlert86 Has written a to the point post.

The will is not the actual issue it’s the weird friendship especially where you haven’t met her. He sounds like a low level prick that likes the drama of women being obsessed with him. All a bit daft.

More likely he has not and it's all nonsense

@MissLeToe I have 1 child
I feel like 2 years.is way too soon
I'd be looking more at 5 at least in my situation

@spidersnope sometimes a parent will want to ensure their property goes to their kids in the event their spouse married again. In that case they might have a lifetime trust which means the living spouse can stay in the property for life and then it goes to the kids. In other cases there may be stipulations that the house has to be sold if they get a new partner.

In this case, this woman might outlive both of you, might find someone else and change her will etc or it may not even be true. Has your DP seen the Will?

In any case, if he does inherit, he can just sell up. Surely it would only be an issue if he wanted to live there. Lots of people get together with prenups to avoid this kind of situation.

I’d be more bothered about him choosing her over you in other ways to be honest!

The testator sounds capricious, the sort who changes their will regularly. If they are still alive, I wouldn’t be planning my life around their whims.
I can’t see how it would be possible for a person to inherit money and their spouse not benefit in terms of spending and freeing up other income.
An estate could be left in trust which means while assets remain in the trust they won’t form part of a divorce settlement, but that is not the same as disinheriting someone if they marry. Was that aimed at the ex girlfriend?
Is this all even true or is it the chap in question saying he’ll never want to get married, and this is his excuse?
Step one would be to find out if this is enforceable anyway. But of course the testator is able to cut out anyone from their will at anytime by changing the beneficiaries. If they don’t like the person he marries, they could leave it all to the cats home.

A couple of years isn't a 'few'.

I can appreciate your cautious approach, on the one hand, but older couples (I'm assuming you're close to 40 based on what you've said ) usually make these decisions quite quickly.

IMO if neither of you is ready to commit after 2 years of dating, or at least talk about it, it's not going anywhere.

Is your boyfriend older and closer in age to this woman? Is she an ex?

Also, as PPs have said, this is not her 'estate'.
An estate is everything- house, money, jewellery, cars, every damn thing she owns.
She won't have the value of that and when she does die there's probate and IHT to sort.

Sounds like a bit of wishful thinking somewhere along the line.

@DelphiniumBlue no on the contrary it's always been him who has hinted at marriage and living together

Well you'll be unsurprised to know that she apparently hated his ex

She actually calls him by a pet name that relates to his ex and her apparent behaviour which I find pretty weird and not something I'd allow my friends to do if it was me .

I only have his word for all this of course . I've never met her or his ex . Sometimes I do wonder if he's twisting the truth .

Are you absolutely sure that this woman exists and that he's not made her up to cover the fact the "friend" is actually his ex?

He's not your partner by the way.

You are dating and he's a boyfriend.

A partner is someone you share a home with, duel expenses, a LIFE.
Not someone you've dated for two years and not considered living with or being ready for that step.

If you start reframing him as a 'boyfriend' it makes a big difference to your thinking.

I highly doubt it's enforceable.

Once the money is 'his', no one can dictate what he does with it, and that includes commingling it with family finances. He can do is ringfence deposits, etc, if he buys property with a partner, not a spouse, and not otherwise pool finances. But it will be his money to decide what to do with.

I’m confused by the term ‘estate’ .
do you mean a house?
or the total value of the not yet dead person’s estate?
is it all the estate or part of it?
£500k isn’t a huge amount and could al go in care home fees anyway.

There is alot missing in the story. Is this friend terminally ill? If not, why worry about inheritance that might never happen?
Is the boyfriend planning his future based on inheriting the "estate"? Like, he will use inheritance to buy a house? Is he skint otherwise? All quite strange.

@MissLeToe we are both early 40s
We are committed , in our relationship
She's not an ex and has always been platonic (so he says)

Don’t let tomorrow’s worries take away your happiness today or whatever the phrase is. Given she’s still alive, it may never happen - she could change their will or liquidate their assets at any time.

From your posts, it seems to issue isn’t really the potential inheritance at all. It’s trust and boundaries, the issue around this potential inheritance is just a manifestation of that.

But you're not committed enough to live together or marry (for a few years you said) so I'd not refer to him as a partner.

A partner, in my world, is when the relationship is akin to being married but for whatever reason the couple don't want to marry. Sharing expenses , maybe living together (but some older couples in their 50s or 60s retain their own homes).

You are describing an exclusive set-up but as you're not living with him and don't want to, he's not a partner.