DP has been left an estate in a will ...

[spidersnope]

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

I posted up thread and tbh I'm a bit concerned for you. Could you have been targeted? You say you have little to pay on your mortgage and a child to bring up.
Does your boyfriend own property?
I've seen far too many friends fall for guys who make much of the money they'll inherit. It's talked about all the time. 'Joe comes from a wealthy family, he's to inherit'. What I actually see is Joe living high on the hog of my friend's assets from their good careers or family money. Be careful op. I came from a wealthy family. By the time they snuffed it there was nowt left. I also don't like tight fisted men. I find my libido disappears😁

Have you seen a picture of her or his ex? I'm wondering if it's the same person and that he invented the friend's name as a cover because he and his ex were still so enmeshed at the start of your relationship.

The will thing could be made up too. He could be saying it to get a rise out of you, because the relationship sounds very much on your terms. You've been dating for a few years but you won't entertain marriage or even living together yet. He may find that frustrating.

Just wondering if he could sell the estate. Then get married further down the line.

I wouldn’t give it a thought. If the will is as she says, and if it doesn’t get changed in the interim, and if she doesn’t spend it on later life care… too many variables. Plus she’s quite likely got another 30 years to live.

Has he used the term 'estate' or have you used it only here?

Whichever, neither of you is clued up.

An estate is not a Will.

She can't know the value of her 'estate' - that's only possible when she's dead.

Unless she's so rich that she has ringfenced £500K (and it will never have to be used for a care home) then it's all bollocks and he's an idiot for believing a word of it.

Or he's made it up to stop any commitment like marriage between you.

My DH is a lawyer OP - he says she can put this line in her will, but there's no way to enforce it.

Once the estate is left to him, it's up to him what he does with it.

She could try to put conditions on the money using a trust - but if your DP is the sole beneficiary he can dissolve the trust anyway once she's passed.

So basically, if you're married to him you'll inherit it, if you're not you won't - irrespective of what conditions she puts in her will. But do get legal advice if you're concerned about this

You say you don’t care about the money but you’ve started an entire thread and participated in it, but it sounds like you do care about the money, quite a bit. I think you’re hiding behind principals saying that it’s about wanting to share the house that you eventually live in together.

The relative hasn’t even died yet, you’re not even cohabiting yet so you’re very far ahead of the game. You also have no idea if the estate will be contested by another relative.

It sounds like you both come with nest eggs so it’s very possible to buy a home together 50/50 and he can use the inheritance for an investment property. Therefore regardless of the terms of the will it won’t impact your home if he dies.

@MsCactus IME a trust has to be more than one person. There have to be several people to oversee a trust for the sole purpose of one person disregarding and dissolving it for their own purposes.
Also, our FA says that unless the value of the trust is over £1M it doesn't make sense financially to set it up.

Also I second all the pp who say anything could happen between now and this woman's death. Your DP might even die first!

I wouldn't rely or even think about this "inheritance" it's not guaranteed and too many variables

I am not sure why this is an issue? It makes sense, given he is already divorced. The person giving him this inheritance wants to make sure it is for him and not someone else that might split from him. I would not question this. But if it were your husband wanting to make a prenup to save his own money then I would question it. I have been married 10 years and do not expect my husbands inheritance to be mine (i expect any property or money he inherits to be our dc's). The same thing goes for my inheritance....it goes to me and the children. My dh and I already have a house together and shared income...so any inheritance is an added bonus, but I do not expect to pocket anything that comes from his side and nor does he from my side.

@Lavenderfarmcottage It's not a relative. It's a 'female ' friend of her boyfriend. 🤔

I’m struggling to see the issue if anything it make life easy everyone knows where everyone stands

you say you don’t want the money the first place so
you already have a property just keep that

50% of relationships fail so this is totally sensible

I hope she falls in love and gets married again (for the 4th time ) and that this never becomes an issue

I really don't want this woman's money , but I also don't want it becoming a complication in the future

Obviously there are other issues regarding this

I will see how things pan out and it's stuff to think on in the future

Thanks for the opinions and advice

I think you need to calm down and stop worrying.

It's not long since your divorce so you've moved on pretty fast.

FGS this woman is only mid 50s!
Can you imagine all the scenarios that might occur in the next 30 years where she thinks differently!

As I said, if he's referring to it as an estate, he's either lying or stupid.

And it could be a ploy to keep you at arms' length.

Is he really who you think he is?

Why would you want, worry or even think about something thats not yours anyway?

Its all very 'golddigger-y'.

I mean the will can't stop you benefiting as a married/cohabiting couple. Example: say it is a collection of rental properties and your partner uses that to pay mortgage, home maintenance costs, bills, car, child hobby expenses etc... normal family costs or if its a house he inherates that you get to live in for free then you will like benefit naturally during the time of being with this person.

It would only be a 'worry' to you thinking that you won't get half of it in a divorce but why actually should you get half of something thats not yours?

What a bizarre thread.
The woman is only mid-50s. She could:
Live another 40 years
Fall in love and marry
Decide to change her will for any number of reasons
Lose all her money because it’s badly invested
Spend it all on care (which costs c£80k a year)
OP shouldn’t even consider it when deciding what sort of ongoing relationship she wants with her boyfriend

It sounds like complete nonsense- your partner must be either naive or gullible to get sucked into believing this. The woman is in her 50s - I would expect her to live another 30+ years. It’s some sort of future faking. He has not been left anything in reality.
The ‘friend’ is manipulating your partner and for some reason he’s accepting this.

If she doesn't have children or other close family members I'd see no reason why she wouldn't leave everything to a close presumably long-term friend.

The bigger issue is why, if they are so close you've never met her in two years. Does he answer the phone to her if you're around or is this friendship kept very much under wraps? Does she even know about you? Does he generally introduce you to friends and family?

This is so confusing, partly because she's only mid-fifties, so might live til her 90's, why are you worried about what might happen in 40 years time?

Second, he let this friendship go in a ridiculous direction, he allowed her to stipulate all these things, meet twice a week, text all day, he sounds either very weak or he likes the attention.

This is a fantasy decision anyway- he's not proposed, you don't live together, this woman has said something that probably won't happen to get his attention, it's all just fantasy relationships.

This would put me off him TBH.

I don't see the problem.
Basically he has a family estate which his parents want to ensure stays in the family and no future wife ( who might divorce him) gets a share but no doubt the estate would pass on to any future children.
Good for them, I totally agree with what they have done don't understand why more people don't do it.
I don't understand why this is a concern OP.

RTT
It's not his family, it's a female friend aged mid 50s.

It’s a concern because it’s not a family estate. It’s an older female friend who OP has never met and who is clearly obsessed with her DP to the point where se is using inheritance to control who/if he marries.

So it is quite possible then, that you don't need to worry about this for anything up to 40-odd years yet?

Surely all this will means is that should you and your dp be married, and in years to come he dies before this friend does, that what she has left him in her will doesn't go to you, his next of kin, but to some other beneficiary.

Realistically, it's something that may never happen. Wills can ans often do gey changed. I wouldn't base what I do now on something that may never happen.

However, inheritance in my opinion isn't a spouses business. My inheritance is mine. My family / friend has bequeathed me money for mu security and not yhe security 0of a random that they don't know. That being said they can't dictate how inheritance is used after they are dead.