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Original poster

DP has been left an estate in a will ...

404 replies

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:12

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

OP posts:
CruCru · 08/12/2024 09:06

Honestly? The potential inheritance is a red herring. The boyfriend has a female friend who is obsessed with him and who appears to resent her. So much drama. Why even tell you about this potential inheritance? I’d be tempted to walk away altogether.

Re the potential inheritance - there’s a good chance he won’t ever get it - she might outlive him, get bored and change her will, use the money for a care home. If it is in cash then by the time she dies it might not be worth all that much (depending on inflation).

Gardendiary · 08/12/2024 09:06

Dolphinnoises · 08/12/2024 06:44

There is a facility - like a bloodline trust - that means that you could not touch that money in a future divorce and that yes, should your DP (future DH predecease you it would not be your house / money). But it would be your children’s. So your DP could stipulate in his will, for example, that you should stay in the house until death or until you needed a care home and your children could release the money then.

Also bear in mind that this is money you would not otherwise have had, and you could arrange your finances so, for example, a property you currently own is rented out, so you jointly or singly own that one…

Having read threads on MN where the children of first marriages find their fathers estate will now pass to the children of their stepmother, I do think there is a place for trusts such as these.

My parents in law have done this. We’d already been married for a number of years when they did it. I was 🤨

CellophaneFlower · 08/12/2024 09:07

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:48

It’ll likely be in a trust designed to keep the farm in the family.

Show quote history

Oh I don't doubt there are ways to do it, but just pointing out it can't be as it's specified in his will!

MondayTueWed · 08/12/2024 09:07

This is hilarious! Can't believe you're even thinking twice about it OP.

If an ex-boyfriend of mine said, I'll leave you money when I die but only if you don't get married. I'd think crack on ya nutter! And never think of it again.

She's clearly obsessed by your boyfriend and he is feeding the fire.

I'm not sure I could be in a relationship like that. I'd leave them both to it.

Raise your boundaries, you can do much better than him.

EmberAsh · 08/12/2024 09:10

The friend sounds a bit bonkers. I wouldn't trust this information was true and wouldn't let it affect your relationship if it is otherwise good. However, I would want my partner to dial back contact and if any more meetings occur then lose the secrecy. There's no reason you can't go along too.

Honeycrisp · 08/12/2024 09:12

CruCru · 08/12/2024 09:06

Honestly? The potential inheritance is a red herring. The boyfriend has a female friend who is obsessed with him and who appears to resent her. So much drama. Why even tell you about this potential inheritance? I’d be tempted to walk away altogether.

Re the potential inheritance - there’s a good chance he won’t ever get it - she might outlive him, get bored and change her will, use the money for a care home. If it is in cash then by the time she dies it might not be worth all that much (depending on inflation).

Agree. It's an odd thing to share with a girlfriend.

OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 09:12

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Redburnett · 08/12/2024 09:13

you cannot be left an estate in a will until the person is dead. Anything could happen between now and the person dying. You are making far too much of a hypothetical scenario.

MarieG10 · 08/12/2024 09:15

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:12

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

Get a prenup with both having independent advice. He will be aware from that though that it may not be honoured if the court felt there is insufficient money to provide for kids etc

MissLeToe · 08/12/2024 09:16

This is all rather odd.

My little knowledge of this is -

an inheritance (which one spouse has) is usually part of a divorce settlement (it's considered joint assets) but MAY be excluded depending on when the inheritance was received.

I've known people say that if someone is thinking of divorce they get on with it before their elderly parents die and leave an inheritance or their soon-to-be an ex spouse could get half.

I think the spouse could create a pre-nup (which isn't legally enforceable BUT does carry weight and courts look on them favourably if both parties have signed up to it.)

There are often cases where two divorcees remarry in later life and decide to leave their assets to their own children (not all the children from both previous marriages). Their Wills allow the remaining spouse to live in the house for life.
This was what a couple I know did.

The man died first and his wife stayed in the house but his will stipulated that on her death it went to his sons, (and wasn't shared between them and her two adult children as well.)

Your case is slightly different but it's similar in that the Will stipulates the assets cannot be part of a divorce settlement.

I don't know if this is legal but your partner can ask a solicitor.

ManhattanPopcorn · 08/12/2024 09:19

...but there's no inheritance.

Why are we even talking about this?

MzHz · 08/12/2024 09:20

She can leave what she likes to whoever she likes.

and your dp can sell it as do whatever the fuck he likes with the proceeds

yes this is an attempt to control him. Just wait, she’ll start threatening to disinherit him.

your DP needs to see that their relationship is toxic and has run its course.

OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 09:22

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MzHz · 08/12/2024 09:22

So @spidersnope if I were you, I’d chill. It’s not happened, may never happen

just point out to dp though what she’s doing and why.

MissLeToe · 08/12/2024 09:24

The person who's written the will is mid 50s.
So she's likely to live another 30 years or longer.
She could even change her will.

I'd not worry about something so far ahead. TBH either of you could die before her.

If you already own your own house and it's almost paid for (quite an achievement these days by the age of 40!) you're sitting pretty anyway and don't intend to have children with him(not clear if you have any already.)

You'd be no more 'out on your ear' than you are now because you can support yourself and almost own a home with no mortgage.

Vaxtable · 08/12/2024 09:26

It’s going to be very hard for you not to benefit in some way from the money.

Whilst I can see why the benefactor put in this stipulation if they have already seen one failed marriage there is no way you won’t benefit, he buys a new car, does tha5 mean you can’t go out in it with him? He buys a new TV does that mean you can’t watch it?

if he used it for a down payment on a property then he would have to take into account that actually you couldn’t benefit when he died, so an insurance policy maybe as well with you as the beneficiary? That would cover his portion? Or do you even need that money it can just sit there

Can your partner have a word with the benefactor if you do get married? Or he could always refuse the inheritance

IVbumble · 08/12/2024 09:26

Is he lying OP?

MissLeToe · 08/12/2024 09:27

MzHz · 08/12/2024 09:20

She can leave what she likes to whoever she likes.

and your dp can sell it as do whatever the fuck he likes with the proceeds

yes this is an attempt to control him. Just wait, she’ll start threatening to disinherit him.

your DP needs to see that their relationship is toxic and has run its course.

What?
How can a relationship with some distant relative be 'toxic'?

People can decide whatever they want to in their will.
It doesn't mean they are 'controlling'.

The person in this case has possibly seen her nephew or whoever they are to each other being taken to the cleaners by an ex spouse and doesn't want her money/ his inheritance to be shared.

Simple.

fgsistwbotp · 08/12/2024 09:27

This is absolutely insane.
I don't know whether such a statement in a will is legally binding. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not sure you can make a stipulation like that. I've seen (in my own family) cases where the grandparents did not want the daughter-in-law to benefit so they left all of their money to the grandchildren.

However, I don't believe there is a will leaving everything to him and I don't believe that statement is in it. I think that she is very controlling and just saying any old thing to manipulate him.
Or he has made it up as an excuse not to marry you.

I don't believe he will end up inheriting the money anyway. At some point she'll get pissed off with him and decide to leave it to someone else she's currently infatuated with.

The inheritance is the least of your worries anyway. Inheritances often don't come off as planned, perhaps the money will be used up for care beforehand or as I said above, she'll decide to do something else with it.
The major problem here is your dp's overly involved relationship with this woman. I'd have been gone long ago.

OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 09:28

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MissLeToe · 08/12/2024 09:29

The major problem here is your dp's overly involved relationship with this woman. I'd have been gone long ago.

Who is the woman?

An aunt?

Cousin?

Why should he cut her off because of this? She's not being unreasonable in her thinking. Whether it's legal is another issue.

fgsistwbotp · 08/12/2024 09:30

It came to a head when he cancelled plans with me 3 times in quick succession to go do something for her. Asking me to take annual leave for example to spend a day with him and then spending the best part of the day with her as she had yet another issue that needed sorting

I'd have dumped him for that. That's really not on.
You took annual leave to spend time with him (which he asked you to do) and then he spent the day with another woman. Er no.....

LoveIndubitably · 08/12/2024 09:31

turkeymuffin · 08/12/2024 08:56

Is she his secret biological mother?

Show quote history

Good question.... is this likely @spidersnope ?

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 08/12/2024 09:31

I’m not understanding why this would dictate whether or not you stay with him?

I don’t see why it should impact anything-obviously he won’t live in it, otherwise whoever he ends up with will never own any property with him.

But aside from that, and maybe there is a legal expert on here who can provide more clarity, I don’t believe this is actually possible to enforce. You can write anything in your will, but it doesn’t make it legal. As far as I’m aware, there is something called a “discretionary trust” that parents sometimes have to try and protect their kids inheritance in the event of a divorce, but even this is easily overturned in divorce courts. It’s not a legally binding agreement.

Essentially, when the donor dies and the beneficiary of the will inherits the estate, it is theirs. They can do as they wish. He can sell it and use the money to set you both up somewhere else.

The long and short of it is, his friend is weird. If this man turns out to be the love of your life, don’t let her ruin what you two could have

Original poster
spidersnope · 08/12/2024 09:31

Ha no 100% not his biological mother
He's the spitting image of his actual mother

OP posts: