Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP has been left an estate in a will ...

404 replies

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 06:12

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

OP posts:
OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 08:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CellophaneFlower · 08/12/2024 08:43

Ohhbaby · 08/12/2024 08:17

Honestly I don't see a problem with it.
I now a girl who is married to a farmer. Call him Dave. Dave (and his dad before , him and his dad before him etc) have been farming here for Dave's dad's will stated that his son will continue farming on the family farm after he died (will leave everything to the son) but that his spouse cannot take the farm once they divorce
It will pass on to his son. Meaning to Dave's son and not to be halved and taken by a spouse.
First I thought that's rude, but incidentally in this instant it saved their farm.
This friend of mine is Dave's 2nd wife. They have children together.
He is divorced from his first wife.
When they divorced she got 50% of everything,( savings , pension you name it). As she should, all fair.
But she also wanted 50% of the farm.
Dave's mom and dad was still alive and still living on the farm, but had already given the farm over to their son, Dave.
If his first wife got her way Dave's elderly parents would have had to move out of their home, they would have lost the farm (not viable to farm on only half of it and besides he'd have had to sell to pay her out, she obviously didn't want the farm, just the money).
So only through that clause was the farm saved and Dave is still farming and is helped by his son who hopes to take over. And the same clause still applies to my friend, she also can't take the farm is she divorced Dave.
I can see how it would have been devastating to lose the farm.
I know it's not the same scenario with OP but I actually thought this clause was sensible.

How can what Dave's dad wrote in his will have affected anything though? Dave's dad is still alive!

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:45

vtrdcat · 08/12/2024 08:37

Yabu and I hope your partner see you for the red flag you are.

Show quote history

Read the thread. There are huge red flags for the OP here, including sharing her DP with a coercive, controlling ‘friend’ who’s clearly obsessed with him. Plus there are potential red flags for OP being financially abused herself.

weatherisjustmist · 08/12/2024 08:47

Doesn't he realise she's just trying to control him and his relationships?

He hasn't "been left" anything - anyone can tell people they're going to inherit something - but anything could happen in the meantime.

She could become ill and need care which could swallow up the money, or she might meet someone and leave it to them.

He needs to take it with a pinch of salt and just get on with life how he sees fit, leaving her demands and promises out of it.

Silvers11 · 08/12/2024 08:47

@spidersnope You say he told you about this 'will' early in your relationship. My view is that he probably told you that because he wanted to make it clear that he doesn't want to get married, for whatever reason. At all.

I think you have a DP problem here, I'm sorry. IF it is true about the will and the friend, then it's a weird situation and I would be being very wary about continuing with this relationship. I can see red flags all over the place.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:48

CellophaneFlower · 08/12/2024 08:43

How can what Dave's dad wrote in his will have affected anything though? Dave's dad is still alive!

Show quote history

It’ll likely be in a trust designed to keep the farm in the family.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 08:48

somuchtodonextyear · 08/12/2024 06:23

Given the amount of money it's very sensible to not want a future spouse to benefit who could waltz off with half in a divorce.

Unless it goes into a trust though don't think it's legally enforceable? As if you marry your assets become marital assets

That's not true, if one person owned a house prior to marriage, it might not become a marital asset.

prh47bridge · 08/12/2024 08:50

However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate

The only way such a condition could be enforced would be if she left her estate in a trust so that it was never truly his. If she leaves it to him, the stipulation is unenforceable. Once he has inherited, he can do whatever he likes with it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 08:51

It's all 'pie in the sky'. She may not leave him anything in the end, he may even die before her.
I'd not be remotely interested in so.ething which may not happen.

Original poster
spidersnope · 08/12/2024 08:54

Yes
I know there are many red flags here
Their friendship made me very uncomfortable
When he cancelled our plans to go see her I was not best pleased .
I was told I was jealous

I think he does still see her occasionally but not as much as in the first 6 months as he spends that time with me now

He's told me her health isn't great . But then any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow

I'm in no rush to marry or move

It's him that mentions marriage and living together

I have very much got my guard up when it comes to this woman

Obviously this need a serious conversation should we ever move the relationship to the next level

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 08/12/2024 08:54

I'm sorry but you are considering breaking up with someone because a friend of theirs who isn't dead has put a seemingly unreasonable restriction in their will?
The friend could change their mind 20 x before they die. Make zero decisions based on money that may or may not be coming down in a will from someone else who may live for a long time.
You have money and a house so does he. If you love each other and want to live together then do. Forget this money ! It's not his anyway as yet

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 08:54

It’s only enforceable if the money is left in a trust that is managed for his benefit. Whether she could be bothered with that admin and expense. Once he has been given the money and owns it absolutely that’s it the testator has no further control. She can express a wish in the will but it’s not enforceable.

Doingmybest12 · 08/12/2024 08:55

Do you have children with someone else? It seems to be a bit standard to add something like this to protect money going off down another blood line away from the family the money originated in. After even my 40 years of marriage my FIL was advised to add that if my husband ( his son) predeceased him then his estate should skip me and go straight to the grandchildren in case I had another husband.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:55

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 08:48

That's not true, if one person owned a house prior to marriage, it might not become a marital asset.

Show quote history

If it’s used as the marital home then it will usually be a marital asset. If it’s used as security for a mortgage on a separate marital home, it will be seen as a marital asset - similarly if it’s rented out and the proceeds of rental used to pay a mortgage. A pre nup can go some way towards protection, but even they are not automatically enforceable in courts in England and Wales unless they are deemed fair and properly executed

turkeymuffin · 08/12/2024 08:55

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 07:13

@Gorgonemilezola oh trust me this has been a bone of contention and caused me many sleepless nights
He has massively dialled back the friendship and other than that issue our relationship is great
I am kind of hoping she meets someone else or decides to leave it to dogs trust of something
But for now obviously I'm staying very much put in my own home
Just wanted opinions on how this would work if we ever moved forward

Just ignore her!!!

A friend... presumably not even old or illl? She could live till she's 80 & have changed her will 10 times over.

This is not about inheritance or money, it's about your boyfriend and how he manages his relationships. Whether you stay or go depends on him prioritising you over her.

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 08:56

She can make the gift conditional on his not being married I suppose. In any event the friendship is a weird scenario and would put me off him anyway.

OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 08:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

turkeymuffin · 08/12/2024 08:56

spidersnope · 08/12/2024 07:18

She's about 15 years older than us
So mid 50ish

Also to add

I've never met this woman

Is she his secret biological mother?

tilligan · 08/12/2024 08:57

All sounds a bit weird, and controlling. I doubt that's even in the will. Get proper legal advice...

Rosscameasdoody · 08/12/2024 08:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Which is the nature of MN. We will never have the other party’s perspective so we can only speak as we find. If you automatically doubt the veracity of what any OP posts, then the whole premise is pointless. It’s a trust thing.

MILLYmo0se · 08/12/2024 08:59

So he hasn't actually been left anything, and may never get anything given she's only in her 50s and could change her will multiple times over the years or could end up in a care home which will eat up her estate (presumably it's her house she's talking about leaving him), or he could die before her.
Even if she drops dead tomorrow does it really make a difference? You need to check solicitor as to a enforceable it is, like can you both buy a house 50% each as you normally would and when he dies does his half go to you or can he give you the right to live in the house til you die at least. Or he can just put the money away and use it for amazing holidays, good medical care etc for you both, I mean who is going to be checking if you benefit from that?

mumda · 08/12/2024 09:00

Their whole relationship disturbs you perhaps and it would me too.

Anyone wanting to put that into their will is strange and that speaks volumes.

But it's imaginary money as care needs might mean there would be nothing left.

Either this bloke is nice and worth a relationship or he's too odd and tied up with the other person.

Doingmybest12 · 08/12/2024 09:01

Oh missed the point she's alive and well . He needs to live his life with no heed to what he may or may not receive in the future. Your relationship with this person shouldn't be impacted unless they are hanging it over your head and controlling things. But they can only do this if partner let's them. Just get on with your lives. The will may something completely different in a few years, they may leave it to the cats home. Seems a lot of interest in might bes which you both are drawn into.

OneTaupePoster · 08/12/2024 09:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Kurokurosuke · 08/12/2024 09:02

So… he hasn’t been left an estate. This woman is 50. The estate value could change massively befor she dies or she could change her mind or he could die first or, or, or…

is it even worth a second thought? It is totally immaterial to your relationship now!