DP has been left an estate in a will ...

[spidersnope]

First off I've got no interest in anyone else's money , I'm just questioning what future complications this could throw up for a couple.

Between leaving his ex and meeting myself my dp has been left an estate , around £500k

Good for him. However the will stipulates that should he marry the spouse is to receive no benefit from the estate .

We're only a few years in and I've got no intention of moving in together or marriage just yet but this kind of puts me off.

So A. How would this work realistically and B, how would you feel about this?

The person with the will is still very much with us so this would be something far down the line hopefully

Unless it is put into a Trust, in which case more conditions can apply.

Mid 50s?
So 30-40 years until there's an issue?

Plus if she's single and childless very very likely she'll need to spend a decent whack on care bills (I appreciate in 30 years or so the the gov will probably be 'assisting' older people off the planet so the money doesn't go on healthcare/social care).

There's over thinking and there's overthinking!

I don't see any issue with this.

The estate would pass on to any children he will have rather than a spouse.

If you are not bothered about money, why are you obsessing about this?

It is never a good idea to be dependent on a man financially anyway. Work on making and saving your own money...

I would be more concerned in making sure your child inherits your estate when you die if you do end up remarrying someone.

If you read ALL by the OP some things are explained

1 he has no children
2 she doesn't want any with him
3 She already owns her own home as a single mum

Why you have stayed with a man who messed you about 3 times and called you jealous is the real issue.

Keep your child away from him.
Do not move in with him.
I wouldn't trust him as far as I would throw him.
Put your child first.

Nah, you can’t dictate what happens to a gift after it has been given. Once it’s been given, you lose control over it.

Also, your BF hasn’t been left an estate in a Will. He’s been gifted a stick to beat you with by his friend who has purposefully passed this information to your BF to cause a rift in your relationship.

Are you enjoying the bunting that you’ve made from all of the red flags? Fits in nicely with your Christmas decor now, but it’ll still be there in January when the festivities are over.

If she is mid 50s she could live another 30 or 40 years. Anything could happen in that time.

From what you've said about your partner, I would stay put in your own home. The relationship dynamic with this friend is odd. Are you sure there isn't something more going on,?

This. It’s not legally enforceable unless it’s in a trust.

It’s pie in the sky if the person is still alive and really not something that warrants any thought or discussion now. The person may need to pay for long term care in the future, or decide to downsize and blow the proceeds on travelling the world! I wouldn’t let it affect your relationship, especially if you have your own home in your own name.

Your DP is a piece of work and you need to raise your bar.

What are his motives for telling you about this potential bequest. It could be to

• rub your nose in the fact he will inherit money that you'll never be able to benefit from
• it's made up bollox and he just wants to wind you up and show you this friend isn't out of his life and never will be.

question why he would even mention this situation, what can you do with the information? You're being led by the nose if you stay with him under these circumstances. The woman he's friends with seems to have control over him that he's willing to go along with.

never be at the behest of someone who wants to try and control. He's being controlled and now he's trying to control you, a toxic mix.

i don't know how you can say you have a "great relationship" with him.

So you ignore his proposed inheritance - set your life up together using your own assets and if he chooses to spend the estaate over the years on both of you - so what. If he decides to keep the extra house - then you do not get it.

YOu sound grabby and greedy

How on earth am I grabby and greedy if the idea of him getting this money puts me off?
I DO NOT WANT THIS MONEY

There is no money

What puts you off is that you are not allowed to inherit that part of his assets if he dies - that comes across as grabby and greedy

If you did not want this monies - why are you on here whinging

No, it wouldn’t put me off.
The clause just means you cannot inherit directly from that relative’s estate while your potential DH is alive.

So the house example, if you married and your DH used the £500k to purchase it or help purchase it, and then he dies, you’d automatically inherit it directly from his estate if he died intestate, which is indirectly from the relatives estate.

If you marry, then divorce with above house. You would still have rights to 50% or more as the family home is generally a joint marital asset. You still will not have benefitted directly from the estate, but indirectly through divorce.

It’s a silly clause that only means he can’t just give the inheritance to you on a whim as a gift.

It's legal to make conditional gifts in a will. If the condition isn't met, the beneficiary won't inherit. And it's becoming standard for people to make a conditional gift to ensure, for example, that children don't get a shit load of money until they're adult enough to manage it, or that the children of a first marriage aren't disinherited if one parent dies and the living parent remarries.

I don't understand what you want here. There's no guarantee your partner will outlive his friend, there is no guarantee you and your partner will still be together when his friend does die, and there's no guarantee this woman has actually written this in her will or, if she has, that she doesn't change it at some point before she does die.

If the friend dies first, the will is as stated and you and your partner are still together, he can decline the inheritance. Or he can accept and spend £500k on himself or his family or charity or anything he wants. You just won't be able to benefit from the inheritance (I imagine this means you couldn't live in the property or benefit from the proceeds of any sale). What is the problem you see here? You say you and your partner have enough to buy a property together without any inheritance, so it won't have any impact on you.

It all sounds a bit pie in the sky and manipulative/said to cause trouble (and it has).

It is odd that this woman has even mentioned this to your DH. She's only 15 years his senior and let's assume she will be alive for another 25+ years. We have people mentioned in our will that would never expect to reasonably inherit from us (we have one [adult] child for a start but even so, my mum predeceased her parents and was an only child so...) - they do not know. Maybe I would tell them if I was in the last six months of my life but before then... No. I need to change my will again - and I expect I will change my will/letter of wishes several times before my death (I am in my fifties now).

Surprised that your DP even gave it enough headspace to bother bringing it up to you.

This woman and your DP sound immature and manipulative. I would be more concerned about that than any vaguely possible inheritance when you're likely well into retirement age.

Hang on, am I understanding this correctly ? There is no actual money yet, but a woman who has said she’ll leave it to him, but she’s likely to be 30 years away from dying?
This is a no issue here. In all probability her will will be changed before she dies, or her estate used on care home fees. Or she may outlive you both.

I think you let a lot slide and put up with a situation that you should of found intolerable and left long ago. It's clear she wants him, and is settling for his friendship as the next best thing as he is not offering more (hopefully, we only have his word on that). He will be fully aware of her feelings for him.
He is actually, by telling you the plan, complicit in it and showing you that he will always have an excuse to not progress your relationship. If he intended to never be swayed by her, and put you first, he would not have needed to mention the plan, could just ignore it as it as an irrelevanceto your relationship. Of course now he can do the future- faking with you, safe in the knowledge that he has this plan to fall back on, when the time comes, as an excuse.
It comes down to what you want out of life. You seem to have put up with this other woman controlling his life for a long time - even cancelling arranged dates, texting 100's of times, didn't put you off him, why is that? You've gone along with such a lot, it implies you have been quite desperate to keep him and maybe you need to address why that has been the case.
If you see in your future that you'd like to live with a man and be married again one day, move on, he's not for you and is wasting your time, the longer you are in this, the further from that goal you are. If you'd really be ok staying as you are, then you could continue as you are, but expect that there could, in future, be added caveats, and next it could be a threat to change her will if he moves in with you. Then you'll know what he wants more, the inheritance or you. At the moment, it looks like the inheritance is more important to him than you are. It's your choice to continue this knowing that the money and the controlling relationship he has, is a higher priority than you are. Not many would put up with this situation, so why on earth are you?

He hasn't been left anything. Someone put some guff in a Will. That's it. She can literally change it tomorrow and leave it all to a dog shelter. There is no point worrying about it or letting this have any impact on your relationship. It is not his money. And if it ever becomes his money he can do whatever he likes with it.

I agree with the will, I wouldn't want half of my estate bequeathed to someone in a will to go to their former spouse if they divorce. I'm definitely putting in clauses in my will to ring fence my house just for my children when they inherit from me.

The fact that you've decided that it's a factor in whether you continue with the relationship makes you a bit of a gold digger. You've decided that you'll only continue with the relationship if the ringfencing clause wasn't in the will. So the money is important to you whether you agree with this or not.

Maybe you need to step back from this relationship a bit?

This relationship appears to have started straight after or before you were fully divorced. Don't you want some time on your own, to focus on just you and your child?

Looking at the back story on here of how he's treating you, you come over as a bit desperate and setting a low bar.

No idea what happened with your ex, but make sure you're not repeating the same thing here with this man.

Up your self-worth.

It's really not healthy to be worrying about a possible inheritance 30-40 years ahead with a man who is not treating you well now.

A good, decent man would not behave in this way or even mention any money. And he wouldn't be at the beck and call of some other Miss Bountiful.

Come on- see the truth here.

The will is a red herring.

Your DP is enmeshed with someone else, to the point they are dangling a ridiculous carrot that if he marries his spouse cannot benefit.

A) it's not legally enforceable, once he inherits the house and sells it, it's up to him what he does with the cash
B) if you buy a house together and go in 50/50 you won't be 'forced out of your home' as you'll not have waited the 30 odd years it will take this woman to die to get it

You also win drip feed of the year.

But the way your DP is treating you is wrong.