Is this grabby and unreasonable or am I being precious?

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

Old friend who I see fairly regularly and love in the way you love old friends, but has a history of being a bit of a diva.

She's messaged me today about her birthday party which is in February next year and said she's doing a dinner at home and I need to give her £20 towards the food and she can't invite my partner yet because she "needs to prioritise other people".

It's not a milestone birthday, it's a low-key event with some friends and she gets on well with my partner, so there's no backstory there.

I have no problem going out without my partner, we are very independent and have our own social lives. And I wouldn't mind chipping in for dinner in principle though I think its a bit off to ask each guest for £20 when you're eating at home.

But there's something about the way she's phrased this and gone about it which has made me think I can't really be arsed. But not sure if I'm being over-sensitive.

That is very rude and off putting. I wouldn't go. I cannot imagine charging my guests.

Some people are so cheeky. I have one friend who always asks to take my home cooked left overs home for her husband and child instead of thinking I might use them for my family, after all I made the food. She rarely leaves our house empty handed and never brings back my best bloody tupperware.

I’m now writing posts about tupperware. Must be getting old.

‘Thanks for the invite. That’s quite a lot of money per head hun. Not sure people will want to spend this unless you’re planning on spoiling everyone with a three course meal and lots of champers? Would hate for you to get lots of people say they can’t come due to the entry cost. Might be better asking everyone to just bring a dish. That way they’ll be able to get you a pressie too.

What are you thinking of doing per head for £20?’

Oooh I'd definitely be declining an invitation such as this. £20 for dinner around a friend's. I'm curious as to how many she's inviting at £20 a head 🤔

I agree I think this is really cheeky! Especially when cooking at home?! It would most likely be a no from me!

I've just seen this and haven't read all the answers yet but i would have just replied with 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 has one of the kids pranked your phone??? So funny I knew it wasn't you! 😉🤣🤣🤣

She's messaged me today about her birthday party which is in February next year and said she's doing a dinner at home and I need to give her £20 towards the food and she can't invite my partner yet because she "needs to prioritise other people".

I find it odd she didn’t say that she’s asking everyone to contribute £20 each. Is there a chance she is only expecting a couple of you to contribute and that she won’t charge some others that she’s trying to impress?

Does she have form for expecting more of you than her other friends?

Are her dinners lavish or simple?

How about saying no? 😂

"Nah, that's our lunch tomorrow, friend"

I wouldn't be going. That's very disrespectful and definetly being a diva. My reply would be: i am not available but have a great time. So I wouldn't create more drama but I'd be taking a step back from this 'friendship'

I think I’d laugh if a friend of mine asked this. “Hahaha. Oh you were serious? No, sorry, that’s my lunch tomorrow. Speaking of which, can I come round on Saturday to get my Tupperware back? I’m running out.”

Say no next time!

The best bit about hosting is the leftovers!

I definitely wouldn’t go and I would let the friendship go - she sounds awful.

This. What's the problem with speaking to people about problems and occasionally saying "no"?

I can’t even begin to imagine what the social circle looks like where it’s ok to ask for £20 a head to feed people at your own party 🤣🤣🤣
I just know it’s one where I’d be unavailable quite a lot 😆

What's with all the crazy birthday people! I've never seen so many weird birthday posts.

If it was one of my old friends I'd be telling her to wise up!

I don't think your friend really understands the concept of hospitality. I'd decline.

What is there to explain?

She is inviting people for HER birthday and charging them for the privilege! Doing it as a pot luck would be better and the guest can choose how much to spend. This way is just rude.

the only time I have ever thought this type of thing was acceptable was a joint child’s birthday party at someone’s house. The parents of the 8 children all contributed X for pizzas.

Have you ever thought that they might have done it by mistake....

Grabby AF - unless she has something mega planned like she's booked a band or plans to have free flowing champagne and caviar all night (still would be odd to ask for money). If it's just a bog standard meal, I think it's outrageous.

Yeah she’s a CF!

OP, I’d be unavailable for this too!

It’s worse because it’s a lot of money for food cooked by a friend. A bottle of wine of pudding can cost as much as you can afford.

I’d be so annoyed that I’d refuse the invitation. People would bring drinks anyway and wouldn’t mind being asked bring a pudding , if she’s short of money. If she can’t afford the menu she wants to cook she should cook something cheaper.
I suspect that the £160 pounds she’d collect from 8 guests will leave her with a profit.

I’d want to know what she’ll be cooking at £20 a head!

But I think I’d be ‘busy’, anyway.