Is this grabby and unreasonable or am I being precious?

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

Old friend who I see fairly regularly and love in the way you love old friends, but has a history of being a bit of a diva.

She's messaged me today about her birthday party which is in February next year and said she's doing a dinner at home and I need to give her £20 towards the food and she can't invite my partner yet because she "needs to prioritise other people".

It's not a milestone birthday, it's a low-key event with some friends and she gets on well with my partner, so there's no backstory there.

I have no problem going out without my partner, we are very independent and have our own social lives. And I wouldn't mind chipping in for dinner in principle though I think its a bit off to ask each guest for £20 when you're eating at home.

But there's something about the way she's phrased this and gone about it which has made me think I can't really be arsed. But not sure if I'm being over-sensitive.

@Ph3 I think the @TheShellBeach @LynetteScavo and @WingBingo and I are trying to help you. You didn’t know - we’ve explained. That’s all.

Well it didn’t feel like that at all to me, especially after all the comments that followed so for me it wasn’t a “that’s all” at all. It was annoying for some - which obviously was not my intention but the way they went about it and the constant commenting was also annoying to me and detracted from the thread in my opinion. I actually hadn’t realised I was the first commenting as I like to comment without reading other comments first.

She needs cash sharpish to 'curate' her Extremely Impressive Christmas.
To which you are presumably not invited OP?

@Ph3 Blimey - no one is judging, we were all new to Mumsnet once.
It doesn't matter what your skills are , you did something slightly irritating (as did I on my first post) but it's now in your skill set not to quote an OP.

Accept your new knowledge with humility and appreciation. Or just carry on being pissy and trying to have a fight - you'll fit right

perfect love fitting right in so if you don’t mind I will continue being “pissy”. Is it part of Mumsnet to tell people how they should respond and feel as well? Just getting ready to go forth with my “new knowledge” 🙄

There was no need to make a comment either. But here we are

@Ph3 yes there was a need. You need to know how many people find this stupid quoting of the OP deeply annoying. Answer: everyone except those who do it.

Perfect. Will carry on then! Not sure how stupid or annoying it really is in the grand scheme of mumsnet but it passes the time…

@Ph3

Oh dear!

You sound like my teen when she's in a grump and won't accept she's wrong or take any advice. But as she'd say: you do you.

We tried to help. Good luck with your future posts.

I never pay more than £10 for a bottle of wine! £20 for dinner at a friend’s house is a lot. And asking for it this side to f Christmas, when the party isn’t until February! I think I would find that I had a prior commitment on the night of the party.

The comment about prioritising other people is just rude. There are nicer ways of saying something like this and putting it baldly suggests the friend doesn’t really care about the OP or her H.

Oh dear indeed!!!

Thank you - wasn’t hard was it! That sounded
sincere and helpful.

I will carry on “doing me” that’s all I know! maybe next time wait for people to ask for advice before you offer any. But hey teenagers are hard!

@Ph3 ODFOD

Don’t know what that means but right back at you!

Shes picky about who she invites and they have to have flash jobs or be great coversationalists - and is then asking for £20 for dinner at hers? I honestly cannot think of a single person who fits her profile that would not find that utterly tacky. If you do value the friendship for its longevity, Id have a mini break already booked for that date sorry.

Agree with @TheShellBeach - and there was no need to make a sarcastic comeback when you were mentioned, instead of simply explaining or ignoring it.
And there you are, being unreasonable two times in two comments.

I disagree. I felt attacked by mumsneters (hopefully that’s a term that is allowed) and I am allowed to have my feelings. And act according to that. And they could have let it go as well and didn’t. People don’t all respond the same way. For me a post explaining this would have been frame differently.

Ignore them. I’ve done it by mistake myself a few times myself. 🤣

She sounds like an absolute twat. Nobody should talk about "curating" anything unless they're putting together an exhibition and even then they're on dodgy ground. Why are you even friends with this awful person? The combination of appalling snobbery with having so little class as to invite people over and ask them to pay for themselves is mindblowing.

In which case the appropriate response would be "Sorry, my mistake" and the thread would move on.

Sorry, I'm offering unsolicited advice.

She’s just rude and materialistic. If she can’t afford to host you all, she shouldn’t invite you. I’d be doing something else that night.

Seconded

How unbearably crass and rude.
One shouldn’t invite people over for a meal and then charge them.
I would politely decline - on principle.

Wtaf. She wants you to pay £20 in December for a February low key birthday?

She's using you for a Christmas loan.

It’s the comment she made about your DP that would really grate on me, more so than the money (but that’s bad enough).

Is she always stuck high up her own arse and extremely entitled?

Perhaps she is intending to provide champagne for everyone to drink all evening and doesn’t expect anyone to bring a bottle of anything? Bit tactless to say she’s prioritising others but I guess she wants her closest friends & can’t give everyone a plus one. I’m just being diplomatic, she’s phrased it all a bit rudely but some people don’t have the best social grace but she is probably well intentioned and is excited to host & cook for you all

Agree with this. Just no need to make that comment. She’s very full of herself. I imagine plenty of the higher priority invitees will be busy that night. Please take yours and DPs £20 to the pub and bypass her “low-key” event you would have paid for.