Do I tell FWB I’m pregnant?

[CocoJaguar]

Name change as I do not want this to be linked to previous posts- .
I have no idea what to do- I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I have a surgical termination booked for in two weeks time. I am 29 years old, FWB is early 50s and has two grown up children in their early 20s. He split from wife of 25 years earlier this year. We’ve been sleeping together since September- I was taking the pill but antibiotics caused me to vomit after taking it, I am now pregnant. I am so ashamed to be pregnant. I have never wanted kids but worry FWB will think I have done this on purpose or won’t trust that it’s ‘safe’ to see me again.
We have a great time together, do weekends away etc. It’s FWB as in the future I want to get married to the right man, whereas he isn’t yet divorced and doesn’t seem keen on marrying again. He has previously said he loves me but I take it with a pinch of salt.
He is currently on holiday with his children, I haven’t told him about the pregnancy. Do I tell him on his return?
My mood swings between;

1. don’t tell him, terminate and continue as normal
2. don’t tell him but end it, it’s a sign to move in
3. tell him and there’s a risk he will end it with me, it may scare him and be a wake up call to how young I am etc
4. tell him and he unexpectedly wants us to continue with the pregnancy

If he wanted to continue with the pregnancy, I don’t know how I would feel. I’ve had moments where I’ve considered continuing with it if we were in a relationship. I absolutely cannot be a single parent- my property is small, I don’t have family support and my salary (45K) wouldn’t cover bills and nursery fees. Plus, I don’t want to do this alone.
what should I do? Has anybody else kept a termination a secret from the man involved?
I don’t fear any kind of violence or abuse, my greatest fear is him ending the relationship we have. Then I would regret ever telling him.

Given the choice between trusting the packet leaflet and trusting advice that isn't specific to a particular formulation, I'd go with the packet leaflet.

Thanks, what do you do for a living? Just so I can go and find some random information on the internet so I can ‘correct’ you on how to do your job 🙂 contraceptive misinformation is indeed harmful, so why would you choose to spread it?

We follow the FSRH guidelines, which is the current evidence base for all contraceptives used in the UK. As a one-off, the combined pill is considered missed after 24 hours. Manufacturer leaflets will often say something slightly different from the actual evidence base because pharmaceutical manufacturers have a vested interest in not being sued, so they will suggest using condoms after 12hrs as they don’t want to be blamed for an accidental pregnancy. Same as antihistamine leaflets will all say not to be used in pregnancy, but the evidence base suggests that there are indeed antihistamines that can be used in pregnancy perfectly safely.

It is obviously best practice to take your pill at the same time each day, and you are free to disregard any of the advice I’ve given you, but I wouldn’t recommend bleating on about something you don’t appear to know an awful lot about because you’ve read one manufacturer’s leaflet.

The literal NHS website said to look at the leaflet for the specific contraceptive pill. I linked to that NHS advice page. I suggest that you criticise the NHS for spreading misinformation before you criticise me. As for "we follow the guidelines", experience tells me that if I ask three different HCPs for advice about managing my recurrent cystitis, I will get three different answers (wash with diprobase, wash with soap, don't use anything to clean the area but put salt in the bathtub), and the same if I ask about my migraines or any other health condition, so I don't believe that there's one set of guidelines that you all follow.

We have people on this thread who believe that contraceptives are infallible and are blaming the OP for her situation. Yet you jump on me for referencing NHS and manufacturer's data. You're attacking the wrong person here. I'm not the person saying that they can't fail. And if I'm wrong about the duration of the missed pill window, take that up with the NHS who publish the advice to read the pill packet.

Nope. Look back at my first point. It did not come from a place of blaming.

Women forget to take the pill. It happens. A man of 50 not wanting children should have had the snip.

Im on no contraception. Dh had the snip after baby number 3. If I fell pregnant after that (Very unlikely) I’d abort. So your assumption is incorrect.

OP, I haven't read the thread so I'm just going to respond to your opening post.

In my early 20s, I became pregnant in a casual relationship. I wasn't very sexually experienced and we used a condom. I just hadn't realised it had slipped/leaked/whatever.

Anyway, I knew I had no intention of continuing the pregnancy so booked the termination and didn't tell him. I didn't see the point. I didn't want a baby. I didn't want to discuss it. I didn't want to risk him wanting the pregnancy to continue and causing him upset.

What would I have been telling him for?

I don't think anyone has blamed OP for the situation. I think it's more that posters are sceptical that it happened the way OP said it happened, and surprised that she wouldn't use a condom with an FWB. An FWB who she says is the man she would want to marry, and her greatest fear is him ending the 'relationship'.

Is it a sugar daddy type relationship?

Option 2.

This guy isn't your Mr Right. Firstly, he's still married to his ex, secondly you describe him as a FWB, which is no way to bring a DC into the world, and thirdly an age gap of what - about 24 years? - is far too much. It may be okay now while you're 29 and he's 53 or whatever, but if you want to marry and have kids FGS end this situationship with a guy who's old enough to be your dad and start dating people closer to your own age.

Why? Well, as someone who is close to your FWB's age I can promise you that however he feels, his STB-ex wife and his kids will be absolutely horrified. I suspect that he too will not take this well, because most people who've had and raised their families are pretty thrilled to now be embarking on a phase of life that once again involves enjoyable adult things. The last thing that most of us want is to be plunged back into babies, nappies, potty training, primary school and all the tedious drudgery of child-raising. He should've used a condom, for sure, but if it was me, I'd terminate and move on.