Do I tell FWB I’m pregnant?

[CocoJaguar]

Name change as I do not want this to be linked to previous posts- .
I have no idea what to do- I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I have a surgical termination booked for in two weeks time. I am 29 years old, FWB is early 50s and has two grown up children in their early 20s. He split from wife of 25 years earlier this year. We’ve been sleeping together since September- I was taking the pill but antibiotics caused me to vomit after taking it, I am now pregnant. I am so ashamed to be pregnant. I have never wanted kids but worry FWB will think I have done this on purpose or won’t trust that it’s ‘safe’ to see me again.
We have a great time together, do weekends away etc. It’s FWB as in the future I want to get married to the right man, whereas he isn’t yet divorced and doesn’t seem keen on marrying again. He has previously said he loves me but I take it with a pinch of salt.
He is currently on holiday with his children, I haven’t told him about the pregnancy. Do I tell him on his return?
My mood swings between;

1. don’t tell him, terminate and continue as normal
2. don’t tell him but end it, it’s a sign to move in
3. tell him and there’s a risk he will end it with me, it may scare him and be a wake up call to how young I am etc
4. tell him and he unexpectedly wants us to continue with the pregnancy

If he wanted to continue with the pregnancy, I don’t know how I would feel. I’ve had moments where I’ve considered continuing with it if we were in a relationship. I absolutely cannot be a single parent- my property is small, I don’t have family support and my salary (45K) wouldn’t cover bills and nursery fees. Plus, I don’t want to do this alone.
what should I do? Has anybody else kept a termination a secret from the man involved?
I don’t fear any kind of violence or abuse, my greatest fear is him ending the relationship we have. Then I would regret ever telling him.

They definitely have been honest with me.

When people are sick they usually don't just vomit once. They vomit several times over a couple of days. This definitely interferes with the pill.

I remember being told that vomiting affects the pill, before I ever went on the pill

It's widely known.

He is the man you would marry
But are you the younger woman with baby on way he would marry?
Regardless you decide
it is s your body
but assume he will do no more than pay child maintenance
(While he seeks out a nother young fwb without a baby in tow)

Tell him if you want to keep it, don’t if you don’t.

I can’t imagine many men in their 50’s would relish the thought of going back to babies. The thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat!

Yes it’s widely known. But your friends didn’t know?

How up for sex are you after vomiting for days? Please believe your friends, I don’t care. I just think you maybe a little gullible.

I would tell him. Why carry the burden alone? It takes two to tango, so he should support you through whatever you choose to do.

It's widely known.

I think people tend to forget about it when they're sick.

So they take the pill, they're sick for a few days, and they totally forget that sickness affect the pills effectiveness until afterwards.

My friends have no reason whatsoever to lie to me about it sure.

So they were sick after taking the pill and even though it’s widely known they then had sex that day? I’m glad the three of you now know. Believe your friends. Honestly, your trust is lovely.

You would have to vomit pretty quickly but it happens I suppose.
OP he is married, stop wasting time on him

Of course it happens. Women who are on the pill take the pill for a very long time. And people get sick a couple of times a year. Of course it happens - that sickness affects the pill. Of course women who are extremely busy will sometimes forget that being sick affects the pill. As they have taken the pillfor so long, as a quick daily routine.

You're very odd!

What would they have to gain by lying about it?

I can't think of one thing! Why would they possibly lie! Are you just being argumentative just to be argumentative?

I think you would have a baby more because you want him more than the baby. The way you flip things around makes it seem this way.

You have to make this decision based on being alone even if married or in a long-term relationship, you can't foresee breakups, illnesses or accidents.

My DFriend was a newly wed and 2 week post partum when her 28 year old husband went to hospital with stomach pains and never came back out. Another friend found out she had stage 4 breast cancer at 31 when child was one her husband will be a single dad very soon.

If you KNOW you don't want to ever go it alone don't continue with the pregnancy

All of these people arguing about being sick and the pill. It can take sperm from 30 mins to several days to reach the egg, so OP could have had sex before she got 'sick'.

@CocoJaguar I can only suggest you do what is right for you.
Only you know if you want a baby, only you know if you will cope alone if it doesn't work out with this man.
It's a big decision. You have a few weeks to decide.
Will he be home before then?

45k is enough to raise a child by the way . The thing is yiu also say if he is OK with it you would want the baby so have you spoken to a counsellor about the Abortion as I believe in choice but you seem to be wavering a bit. I don't want you to regret it later.
I think yiu are in a situation ship more than friends with benefits .
I do think you should tell him though good luck

People doubting OPs story, you do realize sperm live inside you for upto 7 days.

You can take the pill, have sex, then get a stomach bug and get pregnant from sperm still inside you it's not even that uncommon.

I have never wanted kids

Isn't that your answer?

I don’t think you sound like FWB. You sound like you are in a relationship, or at least would like to be.

If you want to stay with him, tell him. No way you should keep this to yourself nor should you have to. If he ends things because of a pregnancy he caused, he’s a scumbag and it’s better to know.

If you want to end things and move on, doesn’t really matter whether you tell him or not.

Either way, you don’t sound very happy. You sound like you want more commitment and if he won’t give it to you, you should move on as he’s just a block stopping you moving forward.

Because they also lied to their partners would be my guess.

That’s far more likely that they were sick one day and had sex later that day, at the exact time they were fertile. As you have also pointed out it’s widely known but they also forgot on that day because they were busy. Think I’ve covered it.

But you’re obviously upset by my comment. Believe your friends. It doesn’t really matter.

I’d tell him because otherwise you’ll always wonder what if. But don’t be expecting he’ll be wanting to play happy families. If he ends the FWB situation over this anyway then he’s just saved you some time.

You've only known him a few months, it seems. You can't possibly know if you would really want to marry him. You are fantasising about someone you hardly know.

Given his recently separated situation and older kids, it's highly unlikely he sees you as a potential new partner. Even if he does, someone that age is unlikely to be up for a new family so soon.

I'd tell him though, because you seem to want to know his reaction. Just be prepared for an adverse reaction.

Then at least you won't be wondering 'what if?' Then have the termination and move on to finding someone more your own age who wants a proper relationship.

Have the abortion and don't tell him.

@CocoJaguar Your first post said you've never wanted kids.

😂😂😂😂 I’m stealing this! Brilliant 👏👏

What a load of rubbish
"of course..." ? Nah, women don't 'forget' that being sick affects the pill. That has been the default 'excuse' forever.
Did you really ask what women "gain by lying about it"? 🤣
In this case, the OP has said she'd like to marry this man she's been sleeping with for 5 minutes. There is a lot to gain by 'lying' about it.

OP, don't tell him and just continue with your plan to terminate. Rolling the dice this way might initially get you what you want but it's not going to be the happily ever after you're imagining.

You actually only have 2 choices and they are based on what you want:

• if you love him, and want to ultimately marry him, then tell him and risk him ending it
• if you don’t see a serious future for this relationship, then terminate , end it and focus on meeting Mr Right

Things have been brought to a head, just be honest with yourself about how YOU truly feel