Do I tell FWB I’m pregnant?

[CocoJaguar]

Name change as I do not want this to be linked to previous posts- .
I have no idea what to do- I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I have a surgical termination booked for in two weeks time. I am 29 years old, FWB is early 50s and has two grown up children in their early 20s. He split from wife of 25 years earlier this year. We’ve been sleeping together since September- I was taking the pill but antibiotics caused me to vomit after taking it, I am now pregnant. I am so ashamed to be pregnant. I have never wanted kids but worry FWB will think I have done this on purpose or won’t trust that it’s ‘safe’ to see me again.
We have a great time together, do weekends away etc. It’s FWB as in the future I want to get married to the right man, whereas he isn’t yet divorced and doesn’t seem keen on marrying again. He has previously said he loves me but I take it with a pinch of salt.
He is currently on holiday with his children, I haven’t told him about the pregnancy. Do I tell him on his return?
My mood swings between;

1. don’t tell him, terminate and continue as normal
2. don’t tell him but end it, it’s a sign to move in
3. tell him and there’s a risk he will end it with me, it may scare him and be a wake up call to how young I am etc
4. tell him and he unexpectedly wants us to continue with the pregnancy

If he wanted to continue with the pregnancy, I don’t know how I would feel. I’ve had moments where I’ve considered continuing with it if we were in a relationship. I absolutely cannot be a single parent- my property is small, I don’t have family support and my salary (45K) wouldn’t cover bills and nursery fees. Plus, I don’t want to do this alone.
what should I do? Has anybody else kept a termination a secret from the man involved?
I don’t fear any kind of violence or abuse, my greatest fear is him ending the relationship we have. Then I would regret ever telling him.

If you don’t want the baby and he’s just FWB I’d not tell him but I’d also end the relationship and take it as a sign. He’s not your forever but you do want a forever, so take this as your sign to focus on that.

Never known a one off of vomiting to do this. Were you vomiting for a week or more?

I’d go with option 2. This situation doesn’t sound very healthy considering your ages, what you want in life, etc.

I want to get married to the right man

You’ll never find the right man while you’re wasting so much time and energy messing around with this one.

Terminate the pregnancy and end it.

Do only what you want. What he thinks doesn’t matter.

I agree. Clear the decks so your real future can come.

This is such irresponsible behaviour from two adults who really should know better I don't think there is a right answer to this as it shouldn't have arisen in the first place

It's always been a risk since I was on the pill in 1993! Because you can basically vomit up a pill and it's like missing one.

But to ovulate after only missing one dose or even a couple doses is unusual.

Well…

If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we’d all have a bowl of granola!

Even outwith the vomiting some antibiotics mess with the pill. That's the more likely isuue I think.

Yes probably more likely to be the antibiotic than the vomiting maybe.

It's a heavy thing to carry yourself so if you think it would be cathartic then I would say tell him. In an ideal world if he was ready would he be the one you settle with and marry?

Sorry I sounded unsympathetic but there is no good outcome for this situation. This FWB business so often ends in tears. The amount of contraceptive failures that happen must tell people pregnancy is always a risk in a relationship that involves sex.

Why would you not tell him? That's not right. Your body, your decision. Stop making it about him.

If you want to meet a different man and get married, then I'd say don't tell him, stop seeing him and focus your energies on meeting someone you will have a future with.

If alone,I want to terminate. I want my life to return to normal- I have nausea and food aversions already, it’s horrible trying to hide it. I don’t want to be a single parent. If he wanted to be with me, I would consider continuing with it.
I would feel vulnerable as an unmarried mother and knowing, legally, he is married to his ex. If he were to drop down etc!
He is who I would marry if circumstances were different- I have never felt as adored by anybody as I do by him.
That’s probably why my ‘worst’ outcome is telling him and he ends our relationship (of sorts). I know I should be the one to end it.

You need to focus on yourself and what you want to do.

Take him out of the equation and think about you. It's your body and your decision only.

I wouldn’t go through with it but it’s a wake up call to end it and free yourself up to meet a suitable man

your an old man’s sweetheart and no wonder he treats you well .. he can’t believe his luck I’m sure

I would tell him given that you say he is who you would marry if circumstances were different. He might divorce and then be free to marry you.

Terminate, and end this thing with this man. He is NOT going to want the baby. No man in his 50s, with 2 grown children, is going to want to play daddy to a newborn!

Why are you in a FWB 'relationship' with a man a quarter of a century older than you? You can do better.

I'd probably tell him and tell him what you're planning to do, but that's because I can't really keep secrets from people I'm close to. I maybe wouldn't tell him on his holiday with his kids though.

I would genuinely think long and hard about potentially wanting a future with a 50 year old with grown kids. He's been there and done all that, having been in a similar situation it's so much fun to do it all with someone your own age with none of the baggage and preconceptions etc

So you tell him, he marries you, you have the baby. By the time the child is at University, he is seventy.

This is not the family life you dream of.

I'd tell him.

Say you have a decision to make and have x amount of days/weeks to make it. Tell him his opinion will influence this decision. Don't take his initial reaction as the decision, give him a few days to let it sink in.

Hope it all goes how you hope x