How did you envisage your life would be when you reached middle age? Has it drastically changed?

[silverbaubles22]

I'm in my 50's and truly thought that I'd still be happily married when I was this age. What actually happened was my exH got another woman pregnant and we had a horrific divorce. It's still a hard pill to swallow, and financially, I'm not well off since our divorce.
This made me wonder about other and whether other people's dreams went a bit pair shaped?

Also poor and divorced. Naively assumed that when we split up at age 45, that I'd just meet someone else and be remarried by 50. It's not happened. He on the other hand, moved in with someone after knowing them for 4 weeks and they've been together 6 and a half years now. I'm the one bringing the kids up on bugger all and it's just so hard!

At 60 I thought I'd still be working, travelling more with retired DH, spending time at our holiday house on the coast.

Instead in 2020 I was widowed, took voluntary severance from work and sadly sold the holiday house. I am now spending most of the time lurching from one health crisis to another with my elderly parents on the other side of the country. Really not what I imagined for my late 50s / early 60s.

Heading for 50. I hoped I would still be happy with the man I married, looking forward to a comfortable retirement.
Instead he left me citing all sorts of crap.
Financially ok and closer with my kids. More peaceful but lonely. I've given up on love now and focused on building strong female friendships and my career.
I "see" most men for who they are now and realise I had years of internalised misogyny.
Some men are lovely. BUT, many many of them my age are mostly like Greg Wallace.

Yeah, really not where I thought I'd be at 55 either. Divorced and poor

I am perhaps slightly less than middle aged, but thought by my mid 30s I’d be married, own my own home, and have a few kids.

I’m 35 in a few weeks and had all that, apart from the kids, a few years ago. Now, I’m divorcing and skint, have given him the home we bought, and have the pleasure of being a step parent to my partner’s little boy.

Turns out, I don’t actually want all that stuff, because I had it and it meant literally nothing. My life now couldn’t be further from the tick boxes I had, but wouldn’t change any of it.

I'm in my early 50s and am where I expected tbh. Still happily married, one dc at uni, the other in 6th form. Work is really stressful and I have a few health nighles though.

I'm 60 in a month and Last night I couldn't sleep stressing about it ( futile I know ). My life certainly didn't end up how I imagined it. I ended up moving back home to be a carer to my dad who had dementia ( and went blind )in the last few years of his life, and it left me feeling isolated, stressed and now feeling very unemployable. I'm single, just can't be arsed with the low quality of men my age, but feel quite lonely. I used to have a bloody great life too!

I'm planning some bucket trip type holidays for next year, I really have the sense of time being finite and even if I have to go on my own, I'm bloody well going to do it!

55, divorced 6 years ago, 3 adult dc at home.

Not sure what I expected as my marriage to exdh was awful for years so I am glad we are not together.

We are lucky property wise, but cash wise we live month to month which is stressful.

I really would like to be in a functional loving relationship, but the thought that it might never happen makes me very sad. Not sure how it can happen at this age?

Here I am in my late 50s trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life. My marriage of over thirty years isn't great, my children are grown, I'm still working but fortunately I do like my job. I really fancy the idea of living on my own in a little cottage but I can't afford to. Also my head has recently been turned by a mild flirtation with another man. He's no more available than I am and nothing is likely to happen, but it's made me feel that I can't spend the next thirty or so years like this. I thought when I got married we'd be happy forever, I didn't expect to feel so fed up coming up to retirement.

I could never imagine myself being aged beyond 40 when I was younger. Now I am nearly 70 and I feel very fortunate. Two shit marriages behind me, but that's ok. I'm financially independent, retired, in pretty good health and with lots of friends and family. It really was luck, though. I am sorry that some people have not had a great time of it in middle age.

I don't like to think about it, it makes me feel too sad.

When I was a teenager I had a scrap book about what I wanted my life to be like as I got older - what we'd now call a vision board I suppose. My life couldn't be more different, nothing worked out.

Approaching 60 and life has definitely not worked out as planned/hoped! Have 3 amazing DC but in a sh*t marriage. Will be initiating divorce in the new year.

I never thought at this age I'd be watching the pennies so closely and living from pay cheque to pay cheque, nor that I'd be working full time as can't afford to even drop one day a week.

On the plus side I live in a nice house but not for much longer once the divorce comes through.

Thanks to a strong family history of cancer I always knew I was going to be diagnosed with cancer in my 40s. I even chose not to marry or have children because of this. Sure enough last year at the age of 47 I was diagnosed with cancer.

Approaching 50, in a happy marriage, have two lovely kids and live somewhere nice without money issues. My husband has done really well professionally, me less so because I wanted to do more with the kids. In some ways I regret that, in others I don’t. I guess I thought I’d have more time but life is shooting by!

These posts are so interesting and also so sad. I guess the idea of the white picket fence and still being desperately being in love with someone is dwindling.

It seems that most of the time, the men meet younger women and restart a new family, whereby the ex wives are left to keep the current family going (I'm not complaining as I adore my kids), on a shoe string, and then jump straight into having to look after the elderly parents.

47 and just ended my 2nd marriage, never again. Luckily I'm financially ok and have my own house (big mortgage though). Kids are great both at uni and happy. Peri has hot and the brain fog is real. Lost my Dad last year which was hard. Just happy to be healthy and the kids are happy.

I assumed I would be retired or working quite part time but at 62 am still in a full time stressful job. I do enjoy it though and really like my colleagues but get a bit worried that I might not reach a healthy retirement.

I assumed I'd be married with kids. Not out of any particular desire but just because that's commonly what people do.

I'm mid 50s, happily long term single and no children, following a habit of choosing unavailable partners (sending myself a message, for sure!). Living in a city that wasn't even on my radar. Decent job. Even my pets aren't as expected, as I went with what chance passed my way 😄

Most of this is happenstance rather than design and I think I've been very lucky.

I am so sorry about your diagnosis @Berlinlover. It is selfless of you to choose to not marry or have children, if that is what you would otherwise have wanted.

Slightly different but better than I hoped. Was a divorced single mum with cancer at age of 30 and life felt hard and hopeless, was even told I would die from said cancer. However fast forward 15 years, I’m alive, married to a marvellous DH, DC at uni, mortgage on my lovely home paid off and a few years from early retirement, I feel like I got my shitty bit of life over in my twenties, I am very very grateful for how things turned out, I could never imagine the life I have now, never give up ladies.

So interesting and so sad to read these posts. I'm similar too - 25 years of an emotionally abusive man and my life is nowhere near what I thought it would be in my fifties. I was lucky to meet a lovely man who's now my dh and I adore my dc, but I could cry at the amount of potential I had that never got realised.

I've been working flat out all my life and (because I ended up working for my xh and am still self employed) I have no pension and we just about keep our heads above water - xh doesn't support his kids.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but I look back at my 20 year old self (and old friends/cousins in very different circumstances) and I wish SO much that I could go back and tell her to know her worth.

I am losing friends left right and centre to cancer now, my parents are elderly and frail but 2.5 hours away and I'm endlessly torn because I can't afford to take time off work to help them out. No time to take stock and try to change things, so just stuck in the endless work/collapse loop and waiting for the next crisis. Currently worrying about ex mil (my dcs' grandma) who was rushed into hospital last night after suddenly deteriorating due to what seems to be advanced cancer. A long period of crisis after crisis has definitely made me much less cheerful than I'd like to be.

Gosh, so sorry to hear that

What a great question OP.

life is better than I could have planned.

new job that I am excelling in, on more pay than I have ever earned all my working life. We now don’t have to worry and budget every penny.

mortgage paid off in the next 3 years.

kids thriving, marriage comfortable.

Today I bought a new king sized winter duvet. Doesn’t sound like much but I’ve never owned one, it was £21 from Asda. Usually I would do without and tell myself I’ll get one in the January sales. But today I placed it into my trolley and bought it. Just like that.
Didn’t have to deduct that £21 from my weeks food shopping budget.
felt good. It’s not much at all but for me it’s a sign that life is good.

I thought I’d be healthy, doing stuff, working etc…

Im not.
Im disabled, unable to leave the house much. Had to stop working.
And still living with H…..

I learnt to never take your health fir granted.

Later end of mid fifties.

Thought I'd still be doing the job I'd done since I was 25, maybe dropping down to 4 days a week as I had started to hate it. Thought I'd be in the same decades-long relationship in suburbia, doing what was expected of me whilst never really fitting in. I imagined that younger family members may have added a few grand kids to the mix. Doing the hobbies we had been doing since we met, at weekends. Going grey and dying bit by bit of tedium.

Instead he did the dirty just pre-pandemic. I struck out on my own and bought the house of my dreams, somewhere smaller and much older, and not in the 'naice' part of town. Was offered a random but exciting-sounding job with a smaller wage. I'd have been a fool to take it. Of course I did. Working more hours now but way less stress and ennui. Not having to support anybody but myself, providing the kids are ok is amazing.
I had another relationship. It didn't last, but was a great ego massage. I have a crazily active social life. The hobbies I used to live for have lost their lustre - this has shocked me as I thought that they were a defining part of me. My love life is sporadic, varied, and very enthusiastic! I don't think I could ever have a full-time partner again.

@Applepickle I hear you, BUY THE COTTAGE!