How did you envisage your life would be when you reached middle age? Has it drastically changed?

[silverbaubles22]

I'm in my 50's and truly thought that I'd still be happily married when I was this age. What actually happened was my exH got another woman pregnant and we had a horrific divorce. It's still a hard pill to swallow, and financially, I'm not well off since our divorce.
This made me wonder about other and whether other people's dreams went a bit pair shaped?

50’s, divorced, wonderful DCs, not poor but I work in a stressful job I hate, need to carry on until retirement age, which I didn’t plan on previously.

I’m actually better off than when I was married in many ways XH was financially incontinent, very expensive hobbies, holidays, a boat, a plane (I kid you not).

I live a much quieter life, budget for everything and know where I stand. XH doesn’t contribute to DC’s lives (school and uni) and doesn’t see them. It’s literally just me and DC in the world. Less complicated I guess as he’s a tricky chap but not what you plan on for your kids.

The one thing that I haven’t rebuilt is my friendship circle. I know I need to but I’m knackered after working and commuting. Divorce, cancer and COVID changed it for me. That’s the thing I like to change the most.

Aged 60 and feel lucky despite life throwing all sorts at me:

Dad killed at the age of 43
Watched Mum die of cancer at 69
Married and Divorced by 23
Loss of baby at 16 weeks gestation
Second serious partner was a lying cheat (several women)

Now:
A good husband
Three children (two at Uni)
Lovely home
A fulfilling career
Very fit and well (touch wood) 😉

Oh this thread has made me think so much! Mostly that we're all fecking amazing strong women (even if we don't always feel it) for keeping going, with all that life has chucked at us...

I don't feel amazing. Or strong.

It's just head down against the wind and trudge through it.

Nothing to look forward to.

I very much feel like life is something to get through.

I suppose I should start a gratitude journal really.

Maybe a hanging-on-in-there journal would be a better name for it.

I also think there is nothing to look forward to and am battling feeling depressed in the evenings after work - a kind of sick to the stomach anxious feeling.

Me too @How2024 , everything just looks a bit bleak to me.

To maintain our existence I need to keep working at a job I hate in a toxic environment for another 12 years that exhausts me. If it was just me I'd downsize, buy somewhere tiny and think about what changes I could make work wise. But it isn't, I've got two kids who had a rough few years, one has a disability, one is ND and so I need to keep it all rolling.

silverbaubles22
What a great thread. It's nice to see others in the same boat, with the same thoughts.
55 divorced 6 years ago ( cheated for 3 years, him not me) No help with the kids from him despite him being on a good salary. He has them 50/50 so hasn't paid maintenance. Also doesn't pay for driving lessons etc etc
I feel generally happy & am quite sociable. Something calming about not 2nd guessing someone. Quite poor most of the time, but don't have expensive taste so ok. Have great friends, job is ok.
Occasionally look at happy couples my age & get a pang of loneliness, but not prepared to accept the bare minimum that a lot of men are offering. Also realise that I am not glamorous enough to catch anyone's eye - normal looking, no fillers, lips, fake bits 😂

62,divorced at 53, never been happier! I’ll continue working to 67 because I love my work, I have a long term (younger) partner who adores me, enough money, three great DC (though two are not well), a dog and a house that I bought and paid off on my own. I’ve been super lucky, I know, but I think it helps that I never really had dreams or expectations, I just got on with things, being sensible and never rushing big decisions. And I had very loving parents so I’ve always been very confident, if not always very happy. Just hope my health holds out.

A very thought provoking thread. Despite sometimes serene appearances, most women are paddling very hard to keep everything afloat. I sometimes think its just me :)

Late 50’s

I don’t seem to have much choice in the matter. I have had a healthy lifestyle for decades. Not much I can change 💁🏼

I was made redundant and divorced at 50. I am older now but I am less motivated to do things and I have had some health issues for the first time ever. It’s quite rubbish.

Today I have been thinking I should do more with my life!

@AnyFucker that is bewildering. You are very young relatively to have these issues. With your health and fitness profile, I would expect someone like you to be that spry 80 year old. Sorry that this has hit you.

53, just diagnosed with spread of my 3rd ( now incurable) cancer. Will be lucky to make 55 at this rate! Yep life's sweet. ( not !)

Some very sad stories here 💐But also some real triumphs.

after an abusive childhood my dream was of stability…thought I’d be (well aimed to be) married with kids, nice house, great career etc. same as others.

Actually am divorced in my 50s after an abusive marriage, two teens, with minimal financial support from XH.

but. When DD went to uni in sept I took thr plunge and applied for a job abroad. And got it. So now live in a European capital with DS, and frequent visits to/from Dd.

good health ao far, own home in UK, rent nice apartment here. Learning thr language and trying to settle in. No new partner but like many, I don’t see that ahead.

it’s fun. An adventure and a journey.

I hoped that I'd have a job and nice house but still thought I would remain working class in terms of the job and house. I had 4 children all of which would consider themselves middle to upper middle class now they are adults. I have a professional job and live not far from the sea in a large 5 bedroom house luckily the mortgage is very nearly paid off and we can afford new cars every 3 years

I always expected that I'd still be teaching and as our kids would be in their teens, my husband and I would be enjoying a bit more freedom and time together.
But at 40 I quit my teaching career to become a SAHM mum and carer for our autistic son. The freedom we had looked forward to hasn't happened. However, we have found freedom of a different kind and am seeing this as an opportunity to build a life I love and explore the possibility of living otherwise, including sharing my journey in a blog.
So not the life I had expected but I wouldn't change it!

Some strong, amazing women on this thread! I think it’s incredibly difficult to have everything!

I’ve just survived cancer which led to a number of complications. It isn’t a quick fix and better scenario. But I am alive and just need to make small gains.

I’m looking for work after twenty odd years in education - just can’t cope with the stress and interactions every day. Plus all the marking which comes with exam classes!

I have a lovely husband and a lovely extended family who are spread out across the world. I feel lonely a lot of the time. I moved abroad for my husband and part of me wants to come back to the UK. It’s tricky.

Ive travelled widely and glad I did. Hopefully will get to see some more in time.

Parents are well so far but that time is just around the corner.

At the grand old age of 52 and having been single for the last 16 years, I have no idea what will happen.
From the age of 17 I've not had any idea what my life should be like. Twice married, Twice divorced, shit family.
All I know is, being single is better.