How did you envisage your life would be when you reached middle age? Has it drastically changed?

[silverbaubles22]

I'm in my 50's and truly thought that I'd still be happily married when I was this age. What actually happened was my exH got another woman pregnant and we had a horrific divorce. It's still a hard pill to swallow, and financially, I'm not well off since our divorce.
This made me wonder about other and whether other people's dreams went a bit pair shaped?

50 with chronic health conditions and my DH died several months ago.
I’m single, skint, too unwell to do many hours, but apparently £1,100 wages is too much for any universal credit. The future is terrifying.
Luckily the mortgage is only £248, but I’ve got about 6 months mortgage money left and we have 2 DC.

Divorced, thankfully, as had been viewing retiring with abusive ex with trepidation. Currently caring for remaining aged parent whilst progressing towards leaving the UK when aged parent dies.

Single and happy. Planning on fostering rescue animals in my dotage abroad. Enjoying where I am now and looking forward to the future (with the exception of death of AP obvs).

Early 50's. Everything good on paper but in reality not good. Relationship failing and looking to seperate. Had dc later. Financially secure. No career but some interesting interests. I'm finally feeling like I'm beginning to get to know myself. The rose tinted glasses have come off. Feeling uneasy, not sure what my future looks like at this point. This feels very much a transitional phase of life. I never saw this coming - thought my life was mapped out and I would coast through it. It seems to me I was sort of sleepwalking through it. I'm hoping I will find some kind of peace again over the next couple of years. Fortunately, health is okay (particularly thankful in light of youngish dc) and this is my main priority. Didn't see my life looking like this at all. I do feel more empowered though. Sorry to hear others are battling with health issues.

Compared to many others, I guess I'm pretty lucky so far with work, husband and kids, but I did think that I would have more money and less fat in my fifties.

Are you quite sure about universal credit? The allowance for yourself and two children would be around 1000 pounds. There would be a disregard on your earnings of around 600 pounds so only about 250 pounds deducted from your entitlement at 55p in the pound. Please check this.

This is such a sad thread.

So much heartache and misery.

I'm in my 40s. I actually expected to be single. But DP is still here.

Had the number of DCs I wanted.

I'd have expected to be in a high flying career but despite not being it's fine.

I'm nearly 60.

I thought I'd still be working in my business (I'm.not, I retired early and sold when my.business partner had cancer and decided to sell.up).

I then thought, great, retirement early we can travel. (I'm not, we lost Mum and I'm.now a full time.carer for my elderly father who has dementia).

Both of these are my choices but I'd not have predicted them.

Early 60's and life is so much better than I envisioned back in my 20's.

I'm fortunate to be in good health, still happily married, active and enjoying life.

In my 20's I was convinced that 60 was elderly and that I'd have a host of health issues and just shuffling from one doctor appointment to the next. I didn't think I'd be interested in traveling - why bother when you're soooo OLD?😂

Ah, the supreme arrogance of youth!

To be clear, this is just how things worked out and I know that I'm very fortunate. I am always grateful.

62, divorced 8 years. I am so grateful that I have good health, own my home in which I feel very safe and secure. I am able to work part-time, studying for a Masters, live in a good location and have been able to explore what’s good for me in terms of travel; I really like being able to travel regularly to my nearest large city rather than feel the need for international travel.

However, I live a very solitary life. Classic empty nest. I am what is described as a sociable introvert. I am not good at light touch friendships, and being single, the deep connective friendship is elusive. I regularly have to give myself a good talking to that living a solitary life is not unusual for women in their sixties - previous posters bear witness to this. It feels hardcore, though, coming to terms the solitary life is my reality now in my third phase. But I am so grateful for the advantages I do have. I value MN for the chat, and indulge in rewatching films and series - my guilty pleasure.

Late fifties. In the middle of a divorce. I didn’t think it would happen, because no one gets married thinking they will get divorced, do they? I had a cold marriage, wherein we lived separate lives for the last 15 years or so. Thought that would do; thought the lovely house and financial security and (most importantly) secure base for lovely DC would be acceptable trade off for a life with no physical or emotional connection. It wasn’t, though. I will be much poorer, and live in “reduced circumstances” as Jane Austen puts it. But I will not be lonely anymore, or if I am, it will be my own loneliness which will be better than living with someone who’s utterly indifferent to you. And I still have my parents, and I don’t have to work so believe me I know I’m lucky.
we will all be ok.

It's definitely a time when you start to look back and reflect on life. The reality of not being able to afford to retire has hit me quite hard at 57 but I have lots to be grateful for - a loving husband and two grown up sons - a good family life and the people I work with are lovely too. Lost my Mom this year so that has been tough ❤️

I'm in a very strange transitional time due to a serious medical diagnosis but still married and living with DH and our teen. We live in a lovely place but I am fearful for the future if I'm honest. It's not a nice place to be.

I imagined myself and my DH and my two teen dcs would be off mountain biking all the time and travelling on adventures together with a paid off house, working but not full time and with a couple of rentals. We were on track for this, but as usual men and their dicks 🤷
Since the separation more than 8 years ago I have run myself ragged to keep all the balls juggling in the air whilst working and it is starting to catch up with me health-wise. Also work have become absolute arseholes in the way they have treated their employees in the past few years which also has not helped matters and this job may well be done and dusted soon and I'm not sure what the future holds. I still have a mortgage, bits of the house are falling to pieces plus the DC are now teens and whilst I try to take them on adventures the attitude vs effort doesn't always seem worth it. Mountain biking has gone in the last few years because one child loves it and the other doesn't and it takes a lot out of me to be constantly juggling two children that seemingly have nothing in common.

We bought a house late by UK standards so I was delighted in my 40s to think that I finally had the house I'd grow old in. Designed it to my taste. Got a dog and imagined taking her for walks in the nearby field for the next 15 years. I thought I'd stay in my much-loved job until retirement, then we'd retire and my dh would finally spend some time at home and we could do more together again. I was hoping he'd show a bit more interest in me and the kids. Otherwise, I imagined it could get a bit lonely for me. We'd have paid off the house and would be able to spend our money on holidays etc. And the kids would be adults and have a nice home base to return to.

Instead dh did the Script in 2013 and we divorced. I moved into a little rented flat with the dog - no fields nearby. We couldn't afford to buy the other's share of the houise individually, but his family paid off the rest for him. So when the kids go home, they go to their dad. Then my job stopped being relevant thanks to AI, so I have started training in another job in my 50s.

However ... I caught up on what I missed out on in my shy 20s and went out dating. Had a fun time and met a fun man. We do loads of stuff together, go dancing, to concerts etc. He has a much better work/life balance than my ex and is more considerate. I made new friends and have a better social life all round. The retraining course is great and I get it for free here in Germany. I'm learning the piano and have refound other hobbies. I feel a lot happier than in my 40s.

I'm 42, got the 2 dc I've always wanted, but wasn't expecting to be divorced by 43. My husband walked out 2 months ago. Me and my girls are really struggling. We have been together since we were 16. I'm lonely and the future looks pretty bleak at the moment. I genuinely thought we would spend the rest of our lives together.

I’m sorry @SoSadForPoorDH
Its hard. Very hard.

Marriage-fine
Finances- fine
2 lovely grandkids-fine
I didn’t expect to be in so much pain though. I have always been fit and healthy but in the last year or so, my health is crumbling on a daily basis. Nothing serious, just wear and tear, chronic pain, loss of flexibility, no stamina and my kidneys are slowly giving up the ghost. I thought I would be one of those spry 80 year olds, it would seem not.

I'm 46. I didn't really give it that much thought when I was younger, but I certainly had no idea that perimenopause would hit me like a train. That was very unexpected.

I’m 50. My life was upended 2 years ago when STBXH’s four year affair came to light.

I moved 100 miles away, closer to the kids unis, and built a brand new life and career for myself. No interest in men or dating as I now see most heteronormative relationships as exploitative of women and I’m not prepared to be anyone’s bangmaid again.

I wouldn’t describe myself as lonely though, I’m have a decent social life with my hobby and I’m building connections with women that have a similar mindset. My home is peaceful and I can do what I want when I want. It’s just me and the dog most of the time.

But it’s absolutely not what I imagined my life would be like at this age if you were to ask me 3-5 years ago.

Late 50s (do I count as middle aged?) and thought I'd be married with kids or at the least married. No to both, but I do have fabulous nieces and a a Great Niece - nieces tell me that I have been relevant and important in their lives and Great Niece asks where Auntie Loppity is when I'm not there so I'll take that!

I really hope you do all the trips and have the best adventures

I truly don't think I ever thought about being 57 or the life I wanted at this age. In my 20s I probably thought I wouldn't make it to 57.

Here I am, still married to a lovely man and I'm so grateful for that. Had a tough few years with my daughter's illness but she is now travelling and my oldest daughter is living with her boyfriend. I've a great job on paper but I'm bored and looking forward to retirement.

I was probably lucky in that the crappy divorce came in my 20s. Husband number two is a keeper.

My 50s has been good career because I've been self-employed for most of it. I've found my niche and it's slowly getting better paid.

I was young, woefully naive.. utterly stupid
I had kids young, so that..
I could regain my life.. work, travel, and do all the things I didn't when I was young and not have children to worry about when I was still young but...

I'm now late 50s, working FT for the foreseeable ( into pension age) , can't afford to travel, got one DC with MH and physical health problems who constantly goes from one drama to the next and ageing DH who is frail. I'm not totally trapped, I do get time for hobbies, but I do realise my younger me ambitions won't be achieved.

God yes it has changed beyond anything I could possibly have imagined! The world wide web and smart phones have changed every single tiny thing.

Those of us born in the 60s, 70s, 80s and even into the early 90s just couldn't picture what life would be like now.