MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

It's the kind of crass and inappropriate comment from her that should never be verbalised. I think it's best to make a mental note to say anything money-related again in her presence. You've done nothing wrong.

“I made a crass and distasteful joke that I’m a gold digger and my boyfriends mum implied that I’m a gold digger”

sorry, OP, you walked right into it. She is aware of the money and has presumably been aware for some time and will naturally have pondered on how this will improve the life of her son, how he may be able to work less and have less stress or maybe do something like travel or start his own business or go back to education. Of course she was cats bum face when his gf is, even jokingly, saying she is going to use it to become a “lady of leisure”.

You sound really greedy-A comment like that would set most people’s alarm bells ringing .

Not even a husband, not your money.

I would let this go.

Your comment was a joke (I'm assuming you don't really plan to give up work!) and I think it's wound her up the wrong way.

As others have said she will see the cash as belonging to DP and not being intended to fund your lady of leisure desires.

They’re not married, and op hasn’t said how long they’ve been together.
Slightly different.

I think her reply was perfect.

If you're claiming your comment was just a joke, then why aren't you seeing her reply in the same way?

A crass comment deserves a crass reply.

This! You made a joke (that some people might find distasteful, I don’t, it’s the kind of joke I’d probably make) and got a suitable barb in return. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

Yes you were wrong. It sounds grabby and distasteful imo. You shouldn't have discussed leaving your job etc with anyone but your DP at this early stage.

For crying out loud, it was a joke! Why aren’t people realising this?

I’m puzzled y some posters assuming inheritance. Surely the wording ‘due to come into money next year’ suggests otherwise. How would they know when the person was going to die, or what was in the will ?

I dont think anyone covered themselves in glory.

Didn’t sound like a joke to me.

Did you actually say it like a joke, tongue in cheek, or did you just say it and she thought you were being serious?

if I thought you were being half serious I’d probably have made a half serious comment too, about my son not getting a look in!

She obviously thinks it is inappropriate of you to say you are going to lay claim to this money.. and she’s not wrong imo, I think it depends where this money is coming from, but whether it’s a work bonus, injury payment or inheritance, it’s not yours to mentally spend.

if you are joking, then at least make it obvious or qualify that it is just a joke!

Agree. OP made an ill judged joke and got what she deserved in return. If l were OP I’d leave it A&E and not refer to the money again in MiL’s presence.

“I made a crass and distasteful joke that I’m a gold digger and my boyfriends mum implied that I’m a gold digger”

I think that sums it up!

She sounds a bit prickly but as I’m sure you now know you need to know your audience. Mother in laws always look out for their son’s interests first of all and will be sensitive to anything which they see as you benefiting from their son unfairly. It doesn’t matter if you also contribute or whatever mitigating factors there are in general most mils are overly protectively of their sons and will see you as competition to some degree. I never mention anything about money to mil and sil for this reason.

I think your partners mum's response was spot on tbh. Very sharp.

I also don't think OP will be back to clear up the source of the money, length/status of the relationship etc questions.

Were you making a crass joke about benefitting from a death in her family?

"DP"

Not necessarily; we're nearly into "next year", and while we simply don't know it could be there's an estate being probated right now ...

Never a truer word said in jest. Especially by a woman who is only with her boyfriend. Most people are socialised enough to not make those 'jokes', even when actually married. It was so crass, especially coming from a girlfriend.

Perhaps the MIL joked as well then.

OP, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

Your comment was a bit out of order. I quite like her quick retort. Your response to it was bang out of order.

If he's not your husband it's nothing to do with you.

You were wrong to say it. It makes a big difference if he is DH or DP. If DH then in my opinion you and your husband can decide between you if you get to benefit equally from the money. If he is DP then the money is his and he can spend it all on himself. I am with his mother on this one.

Your comment was a bit gold-diggery, tbh, and it sounds like she wanted to make a point.

Is the money coming from an inheritance? If so, I think if I had a son who was standing to inherit money from my or his dad's parents and his girlfriend made a joke about him using it so she could do fuck all I think I'd get my back up a bit too.