MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

Oh bore off

I think this too, you flippantly saying you'll be a lady of leisure makes it quite obvious what you think about women who take early retirement.. ie.. your mother in law, your comment was a bit tone deaf imo.

Except they're probably not married.

They are, for eleven years. OP has updated.
It's also not an inheritance, it's a business sale.

Or maybe the MIL thought the OP's comment showed what she, the OP, really thinks of her husband, a wallet on legs? It was a stupid comment to make, maybe her husband can give up work and become whatever the male version of a 'lady of leisure' is, as it's his in heritance, odd there doesn't seem to be one.

I think she was being a bit of a b*tch quite frankly.

Man of leisure, you can also be a person of leisure

By reading your first OP and this one, taking it this is some sort of big salary increase of some kind? IF that the case then absolutely don't see an issue with your comment, even if it was just in a laugh.

If it is serious and that what you as a family have decided will happen, fair enough too, seriously not anyone's business except you and DP/DH (not even going to say a thing on this debate 🤣).

Totally agree with PP who have said your MIL mask slipped a bit in terms of feelings towards you or maybe a hit a nerve with her. Keep that in mind going forward, some sort of resentment there to start with if thats the reaction you got.

If the money is related to DP/DH family death, totally different situation all together

This is obviously your husbands retirement fund, redundancy or pension lump sum then.. in which case it should be used to secure his future of not having to work first and foremost.. you being so gleeful about using it for YOU to immediately retire, rather than something that benefits you all as a whole would rub me a bit me a bit the wrong way to be honest..

She obviously sees that as his money, and finds it a bit of a piss take that you've jumped in to claim it as yours, obviously she couldn't let it go without commenting her feelings on it.

I think if a woman had a lump sum payout from work and the husband announced to her family that he was going to use it to never have to work again, it would be a piss take as well.

But OP says the MIL did exactly that - retired early on her husband’s salary.

OP, I wouldn’t raise it again but I’d be ready with a smart response if they say anything about your plans. Something along the lines of, ‘yes, I’ll be retiring early as DH can afford to keep me- just like you did.’

Of course it should matter. Your spouse you have legal ties to, all kinds of rights and responsibilities attached to that. Your non married (or cp'd) partner may as well be a complete stranger for all they are entitled to your money.

If it's a massive amount maybe mil is jealous !!!

People are weird and bitter about money. Maybe she’s jealous, maybe she thinks that she deserves some, or maybe she feels worried you’ll spend her families wealth (in her view).
Whatever it is it’s a reflection of her not you.

People can be really peculiar when it comes to money matters. I expected some of the replies to this thread would deliver on that point and wasn't disappointed.

You've now learned this lesson the hard way, OP. Obviously it's up to your DP what he tells his mother but you can choose to keep her out of your personal confidences in future. Unless she's provided the money it's none of her busines, and it's also none of her business how you structure your household finances.

I find it better never to mention money as a topic of conversation.

OP - am guessing from your post that your partner is about to sell his business or similar?

Given you’re been together for years, are married and have children, I think your answer to her should’ve been ‘yes, I am actually ‘

I obviously don’t know your personal circumstances but people don’t get huge payouts without having worked very hard for years- often at the cost of family time, doing their share of childcare etc. I can only guess that you’ve picked up the slack here?

if you divorced tomorrow, half of that would be considered yours. So it is your money.

your MIL is jealous. Just because it’s her son doesn’t mean she’s not envious of his and your lifestyle or good fortune.

it’s a horrible, bitchy thing for her to say. That’s why it stings. Someone you thought harboured good feelings about you clearly doesn’t

It sounds as though you want a bereavement to fund a lifestyle change for you, which your man in law may thought was uncaring. Your mother in law may have been worried how quickly you would run through the inheritance
Your mother in law was protecting her son, that’s all

That sounds a bit of a strange condition. Is it an inheritance from a long lost family member from Nigeria, or similar?

Which is how it should be.

I could see why she said that if it's money they are giving it to him or it's an inheritance. If it's money from somewhere else and nothing to do with them or family she is very rude. Perhaps she Is jealous or was hoping he would give them some of the money!

That’s what I thought when reading the post too

It sounds to me like his business is being bought out and he has to stay on to help with the transition. So lots of money but not inheritance.

Some people lack a sense of humour. You were obviously joking which is why I understand her negative response taking you back a bit.

I would not like that comment either. Although unfortunately I don't get on with my MIL at all as she is prone to nasty little comments whereas it sounds like it was unusual for your MIL to make a graceless comment.

Yep, and if he owns equity in the company either as owner, direcotr or large shareholder, it could be quite a sum.
And it's fairly typical for managing directors to be kept on by the new owners for some time.
People are still posting it's an inheritance/bereavement though.

He's potentially selling a chunk of his business, yes.

I've always worked in a professional career.
We've gone back and forth on who earns more over the years but we've generally earned around the same until the last couple of years when DP's earnings have shot up.
All our earnings get paid into the joint account and everything comes out of there.

We don't have children.

MIL was always very flippant and jokey about her early retirement so I really would be surprised if she thought it was a dig. It wasn't at all. But maybe she did.

She wasn't joking though, she later said she definitely does plan to retire on it!

Yes I get this impression.

Also it feels like a warning to you, like back off he's MINE not yours. Weirdly possessive.