New partner jealous of my teenage boys

[LuceBeeBee]

So I am being extra careful to protect my boys as their Dad was manipulative and emotionally abusive. My new partner has young girls and hates the way my boys are with me, they are lovely boys but just at that age they stay in their rooms and grunt at me for food every now and again but they are really good boys. He has no experience of teenage boys and just remembers how he was much more independent at that age. He absolutely hates my ex and what he did to me and can’t get over worrying he’ll see him in the boys and will struggle to love them. He is generally very emotionally mature but overthinks a lot like me I feel he isn’t giving them a chance. I want to introduce them slowly as they are my priority. Any tips on this? It’s my first relationship after my marraige separation 2.5 years ago. He’s a lovely caring guy and a brilliant Dad to his girls but I feel he is resenting my boys as we can’t be together as much as he’d like due to me not wanting him to come round too much as it’s their space. My 13 year old has suffered depression and is now home educating. He’s happy now but when my new boyfriend tried to say hi and chat he just grunted a bit at him so that didn’t go down too well but I feel he needs to understand what my son has been through. Both boys are with me 95% of the time. My new boyfriend tries to understand but gets frustrated my ex doesn’t have them but to be honest they are better off away from him. They are cool about me going round his some evenings. Any advice? If this was a fling I wouldn’t be so worried but we’ve know each other 30 years and have the strongest connection I’ve ever had so I know it’s special. Thanks

I’m sorry but as your boys are teenagers they only have a few years with you til they could be moving out or going to uni. Why introduce them to a guy who hasn’t met them and is saying he will try his best to like them but already has distain for them..

Jesus that’s not putting your kids first. The first whiff of anything like that you cut off or it is a relationship you keep completely separate.

You should look into DR Gaad sad he’s done so much research on this and it is now said the biggest risk of abuse to a child is when a step parent comes into their life it goes up by 100 fold. To introduce a man who already shows signs of distain before meeting them and saying he’s worried he will see you ex in them literally proves the Cinderella theory in some humans how they’ll adore their own but previous partners kids get treated disgracefully purely for being a reminder of another persons children man or woman’s.

I really wouldn’t risks it OP he sounds like he could be abusive too and you can’t see it because it’s early days and your also getting all the flutters and affection from him which makes your brain assume he will treat you kids in a similar matter but what he’s saying already before meeting is so concerning.