New partner jealous of my teenage boys

[LuceBeeBee]

So I am being extra careful to protect my boys as their Dad was manipulative and emotionally abusive. My new partner has young girls and hates the way my boys are with me, they are lovely boys but just at that age they stay in their rooms and grunt at me for food every now and again but they are really good boys. He has no experience of teenage boys and just remembers how he was much more independent at that age. He absolutely hates my ex and what he did to me and can’t get over worrying he’ll see him in the boys and will struggle to love them. He is generally very emotionally mature but overthinks a lot like me I feel he isn’t giving them a chance. I want to introduce them slowly as they are my priority. Any tips on this? It’s my first relationship after my marraige separation 2.5 years ago. He’s a lovely caring guy and a brilliant Dad to his girls but I feel he is resenting my boys as we can’t be together as much as he’d like due to me not wanting him to come round too much as it’s their space. My 13 year old has suffered depression and is now home educating. He’s happy now but when my new boyfriend tried to say hi and chat he just grunted a bit at him so that didn’t go down too well but I feel he needs to understand what my son has been through. Both boys are with me 95% of the time. My new boyfriend tries to understand but gets frustrated my ex doesn’t have them but to be honest they are better off away from him. They are cool about me going round his some evenings. Any advice? If this was a fling I wouldn’t be so worried but we’ve know each other 30 years and have the strongest connection I’ve ever had so I know it’s special. Thanks

I'm sorry- hiws a new boyfriend not a fling?!?

Just because you've known each other 30 years does not mean you have a solid foundation for a relationship.

Tbh, you deserve happiness and a life, but you are coming across as falling for the 1st man in line.

If you've known each other this long, how come he's not met your boys before?

Listen to your gut, your boys don't need a man in their life that already resents them. He doesn't sound mature at all if he can't understand the difficulties they've had

He is a massive bag of neurotic, insecure, bound-to-turn-controlling-AF, red flags.

Bin.

Don't inflict him on your sons. There are so many red flags and it won't get better.

Bloody hell op, pick your self-respect up off the floor and walk away from this emotionally immature wanker. If he dislikes your sons so much that he can’t bear to be around them then it is HE that should have the emotional maturity to walk away from this relationship, knowing that it is pretty much irreconcilable when there’s such a key issue. He should NEVER presume to come between you and your children, ever. Walk away.

Bye Bye pal 👋

Can't read it as it's triggering for me. From the title, this won't end well. I lived it and wish I'd got out sooner. Please prioritise your sons.

I agree
Staying with him will cost you emotionally and u will be treading on eggshells.
Teenage boys can appear 'difficult' and unappreciative when in reality they are good young people dealing with emotions and hormones.
Your BF isn't demonstrating any awareness of this. U shouldn't have to keep on explaining and apologising to your BF.
I appreciate that u deserve to find love again but this isn't looking promising.

Hell no.

But you’re not being ‘extra careful’ with them are you, if you’re introducing a man into their lives who doesn’t like them?

Haven't they been through enough already?

Absolute waste man

Has he been around your home a lot as you say he hates how your sons are with you? He also hates your ex. He has a lot of opinions doesn’t he?

Unfortunately op it’s hard to pursue a new relationship when you have your children nearly 100% of the time. You are just not free enough to devote yourself to a new partner.
Put teenage boys in the mix and it’s not going to work out. I was in the same position as you and I had to give up in the end as it’s hard for both parties. Your bf does sound really horrible though sorry and definitely not ‘special.’ Look at your thread title. That says it all.

You're only a few months away from 'He doesn't respect you, send him to live with his father'.

Just because he's got the biggest cock you've ever had (the usual meaning of 'the strongest connection', in my experience of seeing women claiming it as a reason to ruin their own children's lives and security) and his ex has done really well with their daughters, that doesn't mean he isn't lining you up to provide him with teenage boy-free housing and free outsourced parenting of his own children on contact weekends, you know.

This is not going to work OP. The last thing a depressed 13 year old needs is mum's boyfriend being critical and resenting their presence in their own home. I doubt he is that good a dad either.

I have 3 young adult children and we've had our issues - including one with depression. In all that time some friends may have gently suggested some advice - mild things like "I read somewhere about just taking a day off school and doing nice things" Not one friend or relative has ever ever criticized my children to me. ever. This is a huge red flag that this man who may know you 30 years but is barely a boyfriend for a nano second, thinks he can criticize your children to you and get away with it. You should have shut him down immediately tbh.

How do you see this longterm. Your kids need you . And they will not suddenly become adults who can have pleasant chats with your new partner .
If he lived with you you must know he would cause friction .
It sounds like your kids have had a hard enough time without another man who impacts them in a negative way .
Maybe just keep them separate till they are older

No no no.

It’s giving red flags and you have a very vulnerable 13 year old - I wouldn’t be throwing a man into the mix and definitely not this one.

If he’s happy to keep seeing you without mixing the families, maybe do that for a bit longer. Don’t bring him into your family.

I'm afraid this would be the end of the relationship for me. Your boys will suffer if you stay with this man.

He's not lovely. He is resenting your children. He's priming you for not loving your kids as he told you it would be hard as they remind him of your ex..🙄

He is generally very emotionally mature

He doesn’t sound like it. End the relationship. There shouldn’t be this much drama already.

Open your eyes…..you say your ex was manipulative and emotional abusive, well so is this clown. I really hope you don’t inflict this guy on your sons it sounds like they’ve been through enough.

I wouldn't let any man tell me how to raise my sons or have any involvement in their lives should he feel the way this man does. If you continue this relationship you will regret it.

Totally agree

Amen to this!!!

My new partner …hates the way my boys are with me, they are lovely boys but just at that age they stay in their rooms and grunt at me for food every now and again but they are really good boys.

He absolutely hates my ex and what he did to me and can’t get over worrying he’ll see him in the boys and will struggle to love them.

I feel he isnt giving them a chance

I feel he is resenting my boys as we can’t be together as much as he’d like

My 13 year old has suffered depression…when my new boyfriend tried to say hi and chat he just grunted a bit at him so that didn’t go down too well

My new boyfriend ….gets frustrated my ex doesn’t have them but to be honest they are better off away from him.

He sounds like someone I wouldnt want anywhere near my children. He is a new boyfriend, who the fuck does he think he is.

you need to end the relationship and raise your standards. Dont but this arsehole above your children.

Have you taken leave of your senses? You’ve walked out of a relationship with one emotionally abusive and manipulative man and straight into another.

If this was a fling I wouldn’t be so worried but we’ve know each other 30 years and have the strongest connection I’ve ever had so I know it’s special Oh love, it’s not special. These men are ten a penny. You will always be able to find a complete nutter who wants you to put him before your children. It’s finding a genuinely decent man that takes the work.

If you stay with him, you’re on a countdown until you have to make a choice between him and your children.

So many red flags.

You are in a relationship where you are too worried about your partner’s reactions to your boys which isn’t healthy at all. He might be kind etc when with you but I wouldn’t inflict him on my kids. Yes, bonding with early teens is tough but he seems to have a very warped idea of teen boys which should be a major red flag to you. Date him outside your home and don’t consider moving in for a few years.

Am I right to assume that his daughters are younger than teen? I don’t believe that teen girls are going to want to chat and hang out with you much either.