MIL announced our baby's gender on Facebook. It has upset me. Could I be overreacting?

[AmberPoet]

Sometimes I really hate social media and the trouble it brings. My MIL has decided to take it upon herself to announce that myself and my husband are having a daughter on Facebook, without us posting or consulting us 1st. I don't believe there is any malice in it, but I think it's overexcitement and a lack of common sense. Okay we didn't communicate that this wasn't to be announced on Facebook before we had the chance to tell everyone, because it didn't enter our heads that she would actually do such a thing. I'm starting to think that we need to communicate all of our boundaries and like right now. What does everyone else make of this?
I am trying to brush this one particular thing to one side, but I can't help but think of what she will be like when the baby comes along.

You need to read her previous threads

^^This
@AmberPoet
You were worried before.

This is proving you right. And it's just the start

You really must get your DH on board, decide what you want and I'm sorry to say, lay the law down.

Don't let her mind your baby more than one day a week (and really, that's too much) and if she oversteps tell her you'll have to make other arrangements if she does it again.

And your husband absolutely MUST have your back in this

This is gold. Bravo those parents 🤣🤣🤣

I can't see any previous threads 👋

It's not her news to tell. In future you need to have clear boundaries.

She had no right to do that without asking you first

Well, ok, let's play this game a different way then.

"Grandparents, literally nobody but you and your expectant child are interested in the sex of their baby. Your child is excited to share this trivial piece of news with the world. Is it really worth damaging the relationship with them by sharing it yourself?"

I wouldn't dream of doing that but that's FB. People will & do share stuff you wouldn't agree with such as news,bad photos, children's photos etc. In this day & age If you have something you don't wish to share or others to share keep it to yourself until the time is right. There are people who cant wait to post stuff like this on FB to get reactions. It's an addiction. A hard lesson learned OP, don't fret about it & enjoy your pregnancy.

MIL is in the wrong. If mine had done that I'd have asked her to delete it straightaway. Those of you who are saying the OP shouldn't have shared it with anyone if she wanted it a secret, need to think again (or just think). We're discussing appropriate and correct behaviour here. It is normal and correct to share news of a pregnancy or a baby's sex with one's parents or in-laws. It's downright wrong for an in-law to publicly share the sex of a baby or e.g. news of a pregnancy on a platform like Facebook. It simply isn't the MIL's news to share, and that's the issue.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP. I guess the huge takeaway is that you're going to have to hold back big news from your MIL here onwards. She's shown you that she can't keep her mouth shut and doesn't know what's right and appropriate.
Some people simply lack self-awareness.

There's at least 2

Actually I don’t think you are overreacting. That was pretty shoddy of her

This

YANBU OP

My DDs were born before Facebook etc but my late MIL phoned everyone she had ever known to boast about having twin grandchildren. This was after DH had made it clear that we didn’t want the wider family told until after the 12 week scans. My pregnancy was considered high risk simply due to my age and because I was carrying twins.

After a relative who usually never got in contact phoned and said “how are those twins doing” instead of”hello” I stopped communicating with the in-laws.

DH was also furious and told her so, but that made no difference.

This would disappoint me and make me back off. You and your partner have a right to determine how you want to bring your child up and what you are comfortable or uncomfortable with. Some people either don’t hear or don’t remember or don’t care when you talk to them about boundaries so I might put these in writing! Be clear that you are doing it to avoid misunderstandings going forward, that you cannot at this stage predict how you will feel going forward or what the baby will be like at feeding or sleeping. Say you are planning on nursery as you may have to book a place soon. Say that you will share lots of photos but may restrict visits till you have settled as a family. Be clear that you do not want to cut anyone off from their grandchild but you will be calling the shots. Obviously you also make clear what you expect with regard to social media. I didn’t post anything till after my daughter did then used a picture that was not very identifying.

To be honest I don't think it would have bothered me if I was telling everyone the gender anyway. If I was trying to keep it secret and only let the grandparents in on it then I would have asked them to keep it to themselves. It's not worth falling out over such a minor thing.

In her shoes, I would have been be grateful if my DS or DIL had explained the etiquette around posting other people’s news on social media before I made a mistake. Her generation didn’t grow up with evolving social media protocol and niceties and she probably just didn’t realise the impact of what she was doing.

You are generous enough to put this instance to one side but yes I think it might be worth thinking of similar mistakes she may make in her enthusiasm when the baby is born and kindly help her to avoid them without feeling bad.

I really wish there was another phrase other than ‘laying down boundaries’ as it sounds so combative before the other party even knows there’s a problem.

So anyone who is able to conceive and carry a healthy child shouldn't ever get annoyed or worried about anything ever again? This is totally ridiculous.

Quite. Can’t moan about anything because you’ve been lucky enough to have a kid. It’s the new ‘be kind’ of shutdowns.

@Coffeeandbannans Unnecessary. I’ve had 4 losses. This would piss me off however grateful I was to have a successful pregnancy. Having a successful pregnancy doesn’t mean you have to put up with other people being thoughtless and sharing your news for you. it’s a big thing to share.

She's probably very excited and might not see putting it on Facebook as any different to telling a friend over a cuppa.
I think you do need to let her know what she can share on SM, what she can just show or tell people in person and what's confidential.
Did any of your close family parents, siblings, best friends find out from her and not you? If the answers no then it's not a biggie

I'm also an old duffer and wouldn't have given a hoot about it!

If you really must chide her for it, a simple, 'Mother/Peggy dear, we were going to announce on social media that we are having a daughter but you've gone and pipped us at the post!'

Really no one cares on social media if you're having a boy, girl or a puppy! Actually I'm sure more people would be interested in seeing and hearing about a puppy!

Creating drama over nothing will only lead to disappointment and cold relationships with others.

The parents of the baby care, irrelevant who else cares.

Over the top reaction 🙄

This
It might be exciting to you, but most people would be mildly interested at best as to what was the baby is. It's not as if there's a range of options: boy or girl. That's it. 50/50.